Diamonds not always forever shocker
MAYOR IN DESPERATE BID FOR NEW BIKES
Forensic media experts across Mendacium have been searching in vain for signs of truth in anything Mayor Blondio Borisconi has uttered about Barclaybikes since the day it wobbled into action oh must be bloody years ago now. Yesterday’s news that Bob’s bikes are going the same way as Tim’s Taxis had Mayor Borisconi’s enemies declaring that he is now effectively Blondio Billy Nomates, with the exception of Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks, the Barclay Brothers, Hammersmith & Fulham Council, and a lot of very rich property developers at Capco.
Mendacium’s Mayor had vowed to run Diamond Wheezers (2010) Ltd at no cost to the taxpayer, but his own figures from 2012 show that he mispoke and really meant they’d have to pay 50%.
He said the Barclays deal would run until 2020, but in fact he was 50% out on that one too..
He said Barclays would cough up £50m, but bless me he was 50% out there as well.
But Borisconi surpassed himself when talking about Robert ‘Legs’ Diamond as an upstanding sponsor for Transport for Mendacium, a judgement in which he was 100% awry. Mr Diamond went on to start an African bank dealing in body-part futures and mercenary derivatives, following several successful attempts to manipulate the Libor rate.
“Well you know how it is,” said an upbeat Blondio last night, “It’s all a little uncertain, but in point of fact, Barclays hasn’t pulled the plug as such. We’re seriously rethinking the bicycle sponsorship portfolio structure, and they’re going to fundamentally rethink their sponsorship spectrum.” Asked why Mendacium was seriously rethinking the bicycle sponsorship portfolio structure, the Mayor commented, “Um, because Barclays took the bikes away”.
In the early hours of this morning, a Barclays spokesperson said if there was one thing he knew all about it was spokes, but also “Diamond was a crooked little sh*t and so we’re distancing ourselves from him and all his grubby cronies”.
The case continues.
From the Archives: Barclays, Boris, Bob & Bikes – the full story
The Slog 