At the End of the Day

The dream of narcissus is become our reality

After six years of trying painfully to suggest he can achieve something unique in British politics, David Cameron finally got his wish fulfilled yesterday: he became the first Prime Minister in history to have his only brainchild pronounced dead before it had ever become life. Most of the larger UK charities got together and, based on Cameldung’s Big Society record to date, told him that the Big Society didn’t exist other than in his minute brain, within which there could not possibly be room for a practically sized placenta. It must therefore be dead.

‘Is there life before death?’ is a question that hasn’t troubled philosophers that much over the millennia, largely because it always seemed a daft question to ask: how could you have a death before something had been alive? But Dave has now shown that a political idea can remain ethereal as a kind of virtual foetus, and then fade away through a lack of any substance enabling its birth as a physical reality. The BS was a synapse that went instantly into relapse, a brainwave too small to surf, a soundbite unable to feed due to an absence of teeth.

By contrast, almost any other animated process can take shape as a life-form at some point, but today we all got a shock when it transpired that very much alive human beings could go into a local “cottage” hospital or GP for actual surgery, and die in very short order. This wasn’t so much a life after death issue as a life and death debate: you could use Primary Care to have your life prolonged, and instant death would be your only reward.

Here in the UK, we’re used to the apparently irrational hospital cure-in-reverse: you’re admitted for an ingrowing eyelash, and succumb to MRSA within 36 hours. This, however, was different. What we had here was a flagrant accusation of incompetence. Naturally, the fact that the warning came from surgeons who work in major hospitals cast a cloud of doubt over the validity of the charge; but either way it is, let’s face it, a very rum world indeed in which the NHS finally achieves a real internal market by having the primary care and big hospital sectors slug it out for share of the Cure Space.

After all, you can see what’s going on here: Branson is going to try his usual shtick of being David taking on Goliath, and so – seeing it coming – the top consultants decide to get their retaliation in first. I can also see what’s coming down the road….the usual Branson shake-up of expectations via an audacious product development programme. We’ll have Virgin GP walk-in brain transplants, easy-to-swallow self-locating pacemakers, and plastic surgeons picking patients up from home to perform the op in a limo to the airport, where a Virgin Flight is waiting to whisk them off to St Lucia for a 5-star recuperation package.

It’s all about exploiting the well-heeled narcissism niche, and here again Sir Richard Branson has had a major insight: no new market on the planet is growing faster than neocon narcissism. Wherever you look, the New Narcissists are walking the streets of the City, bumping into other pedestrians as they stare at the permanent mirror in front of their eyes – fixed there using a cantilever bolted into each ear. (The entire operation can be performed by Virgin doctors who come to your office, guaranteeing to complete the op during the lunch hour.)

I knew narcissism futures were going gangbusters, but not how much until I read this morning about some investment banker’s wife in a Times Agony column. Her daughter complained to the Column Aunt that her mum had fallen into tertiary narcissism, and asked if she should therefore ‘cut off all contact’. The journalist gave some wishy-washy answer, but I would merely have asked, ‘Even if you did, would she notice?’ It seems to me that the only way to keep the relationship close would be for the daughter to wear a mirror mask at all times when At Home with her mama.

But you can see the connection in this seemingly aimless little trilogy of madness, surely? The country is run by fantasists, the NHS is about to be run by anarchists, the City is run by narcissists, and all of them ignore the Islamists. This will inevitably create a Britain controlled by onanists.

It is time to flee to France, and take up life as an online terrorist.


20 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. France I feel, although your bolt hole sound idyllic, will not escape the sandwich a la merde.
    Nowhere to run, or hide I’m afraid.
    I often thought as most do and have about Oz but then again eventuality will take it’s course.
    I reckon Russia or China re the safest places now, obviously not to perform cyber terrorism as you put it or enjoy lifes comforts, but to just go away and disappear away from the poonini.


  2. Come to Canada, you can live on an island off the West Coast, far from the Euro-madness and not that much different climate wise from where you are now.


  3. So true JW , calling them narcissists , was not just in metaphorical sense .The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity .The power to think objectively is reason.To use reason is possible only if you have achieved humility .The narcissist picture of the world and the others is only painted through his needs , interests and fears , the others are either useful or dangerous to them .The narcissist lives in a distorted world and reality overcomes his crap sooner than later .


  4. If you believe anything you read in the Murdoch Daily Telegraph then you will also believe that the Illuminati are preparing to take over the world selling pyramid shaped Toblerones. The proposed ‘halal housing’ has been squashed like a Toblerone left in the Sydney sun. I’m not an Islamic scholar or such, but I thought that halal referred to meat, not housing. It is an example of the hysterical conservative media in this country trying to generate discord, just like Alan Jones helping to ‘whip up’ the Cronulla Riots several years ago. It is, as a wise man who runs a blog once said, ‘Bollocks’. Not to worry, it is so hot here everyone is at the beach.


  5. Are there not a great deal more Islamists, if not anarchists, fantasists and narcissists in France?
    I feel it’s easier to be a foreigner in a foreign land than feel like one in one’s own and I say that having lived a number of years in France, Spain and the USA, all of which have the advantage of being large enough not to feel hemmed in, as well as having healthcare systems in which one is marginally less likely to be accidentally terminated.


  6. I have heard many stories…. Those who are the tender hearted hard workers in the NHS are concerned , very concerned . Many have been indoctrinated with a mantra.. Change or be damned. All types of staff whether porters, attendants and trained staff are running on empty, missed lunch breaks, understaffed, but still dedicated. I know this is the winter, but it is proving to be the winter of great discontent ( Will Shak had a clever turn of phrase0)

    Jousting at windmills is exhausting, I suspect you will find more in France.
    Too many are baling out. Scuttle and run seems to be gathering pace.


  7. To be accurate, in the Islamic belief system ‘halal’ refers to anything which is acceptable, not just foodstuffs – the opposite being ‘haram’, anything which is unclean.


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  9. @ mudplugger; Um, yes you are right, but any system that says that killing an animal without stunning it first is more humane than stunning, has firmly proved itself to be run/believed-in by those who are bonkers.


  10. Your final list of ‘-ists’ made me laugh into my muesli – but in a good way. Cleaning the crap off my Mac screen afterwards … nah, not so good.

    Keep knocking the small wrinkly spheres, JW.


  11. Taken a long time for the State funded Charities to cotton on to what we all knew before the introduction of the Big Society was completed. But them they were going to get lots of money by pretending, and that means big cars and offices and cushy jobs for those caring folk who run charities for big money! In fact there is no such thing as Society. There is only millions of individuals who belong to the same nation and who cooperate voluntarily for their mutual benefit.


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  13. The last few times that I’ve visited our pad in France (very south Burgundy) the region has sadly been dying on its feet. Even the local SocGen branch are fed up of the locals complaining that they have no money.

    Cash withdrawals at the branch have been limited to 300 euros a day.

    I’m not sure that anywhere in the Western world can escape the slow-motion tidal wave of ‘poonini’ that is slowly engulfing us all.


  14. I caught sight of Dominic Lawson in the indy talking down to us plebs about stupid we all are putting the nhs on pedestal because in reality it was a. Bastion of crumbling communisn bell bent on starving patients to death . So how many times is this old. Chestnut trotted out ? I gave up counting ages ago


  15. As I said, eventuality will take it’s course.
    How can something be quashed if it didn’t exist? If “halal housing” even made to notion status, the slope has been greased.
    I often pondered as to the reason of the Toblerone’s painful shape, those illuminati are evil aren’t they? Toblerones always seem to be a mixture of pleasure and pain. Wait a minute, I’f I come to Sydney, all those Toblerones melting in the sun in Australia’s many Toblerzone’s will be soft, almost liquid, ha haa.
    Tin foil hat off to you LIfe’s a Beach!!!!!


  16. @ Old Soldier. I agree with you. Merely explaining those tenets of Islam does not imply my agreement with any of it – they are indeed all bonkers.


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