John Ward October 26, 2019 Brexit satire

SATURDAY SMILE: Betty Chihuahua blasts MPs and vows to bite her way out

chihuashua1 THE STORY SO FAR: Betty Chihuahua, Britain’s least independent and most neglected pet, has been kept in the kennels of her birth (somewhere in the bowels of the Earth) for the last three years and 124 days – despite the fact that 17.4 million British taxpaying citizens (representing a majority bigger than Glasgow and Birmingham combined) voted, on June 23rd 2016, for her to be proclaimed no longer a lapdog of the Odiously Diabolical European State Security Association (ODESSA). In this pan-global Slog exclusive, Betty addresses her loyal followers on the challenges that lie ahead.

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EXPLOSIVE: Is this the reason why Farage chose to leave the Tories alone in their heartlands? Bojo Bunter Serves Fagan Farage Warmed up Brino. The Orkney Eagle Eats Betty The Chihuahua Bitch. Pigeon Post Tweets Ranson Note. #IABATO #SAM 4 Pamphleteers by on November 12, 2019 at 3:12 am

[…] https://hat4uk.wordpress.com/2019/10/26/saturday-smile-betty-chihuahua-blasts-mps-and-vows-to-bite-h… […]

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tonyopmoc on October 26, 2019 at 10:33 pm

John Ward – Be careful with the mushrooms.

This is my theory about Life, The Universe and Everything, which I co-developed with my classmate Paul, when were co studying the most beautiful girl in the world, and neither of us had the courage to ask her out for a date – and our “A” Levels in Maths Physics, Chemistry & General Studies when we were 16 years old. Absolutely no one likes it.

The primary first philosophical stance, is to mentally disassociate yourself as a part of it, and observe the planet, and the known universe as if you were outside of it.

Then you come a little bit closer – and you discuss when only a few hundred years ago a lot of people thought the earth was more or less flat – and if you walked to the end of it you would fall off.

We then knew, that if you walk in more or less a straight line – taking oceans and stuff into account, then you would get back to the same place you started from, and it would seem to take an almost infinite amount of time, but it is more or less doable, especially if you have got a nice sailing boat.

The next step, in the thought process, is that well it seemed a straight line, but in fact it wasn’t. Maybe infinity is like that. It’s Circular or beyond 3D Global – in some other dimension, we don’t yet understand like the people who thought the earth was flat. Maybe time is like that.

Now go back to first principles of current Physics & Christian philosophy Start, Go, Finish, End. Straight Line theory. Nothing then Big Bang???? Neither of us were denying that there was a Big Bang – but come on – Started from nothing, and then Bang? That is a ridiculous theory, even if you want to believe in God. Try analysing him, and ask the same questions.

Bascially our theory is that when you die, and you have no concept of time, after what may be an extremely long period of time, the Universe and Eveything will return to exactly the same state. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, cos you are dead.

So when you die, you instantly go to heaven. Heaven is your Mothers womb when you become aware of her, and you are sucking your own thumb. You have no idea, what is going to happen next, except you (with luck) will be born again, and live exactly the same life as you did before. In fact you have always lived this life, and you always will. There is no escape, by death. You are just going to do it again, always have and always will.

30 years later, I discovered that this philosophy was endemic in most ancient religions, but we didn’t know that when we were 16.

I can’t prove its true, even when I drop dead, but at least this philosophy, encouraged me to work hard, take lots of risks, and have a good time. If you have to do it forever, there is no fun in being a miserable bastard, unless you actually enjoy being depressed, sad and lonely. Most people are nice. Be brave, smile and say Thank You.

Checkout the Film K-PAX with Kevin Spacey or even Hotel California.

I like it here, and want to come back.

Tony

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Lupulco on October 26, 2019 at 7:06 pm

I think that you must be on the home brew JW; But

“THE STORY SO FAR: Betty Chihuahua, Britain’s least independent and most neglected pet, has been kept in the kennels of her birth (somewhere in the bowels of the Earth) for the last three years and 124 days – Or 1219 days

If you ignore the election called by Mrs May, [with complete dis-regard of the fixed term parliament act] which the opposition are using to prevent the peoples vote to sort out our elected leaders, or dictators and chancers.

The previous election was held on Thursday, 7 May 2015 to elect 650 members to the House of Commons. It was the first general election under the end of a fixed-term Parliament Act.

Which if Herr May had not called the election for the 8th of June 2017, supported by the self-same chancers who will not allow a further election.

We would be looking at an election in June 2020, [210 days, not 940 days] and not June 2022.

Now i do not wish to be a conspiracy theorist, but if the election had not been called early, i think their would be more then a few chancers weighing up what do do next.

All a coincidence? Or planned event?

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Chris on October 26, 2019 at 1:04 pm

Wonderful.
… and, in the case of the diminutive Bercow and those great unwashed ones who are prepared to stoop low enough, Betty will get a whole lot more ‘private’ than yer ankles!

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alisonfletch on October 26, 2019 at 12:46 pm

Good on you, Betty. Here in Britain, we love an under dog so my money is on you. Use your freedom of movement to cross the channel and bite the French poodle and German dachshpound where it hurts..in their pockets.

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Ron on October 26, 2019 at 12:20 pm

Dear Betty
we should set the England pack on ’em, tear them apart, get some points on the board and rub their faces in the s**t

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Sir Henry Rawlinson on October 26, 2019 at 11:44 am

JW, thanks for giving Betty a voice. Despite being a cat person I do have some sympathy for the poor dog’s predicament. The closing line brought back a memory of seeing Spike Milligan and Jake Thackray live in Manchester sometime in the 1970s. They walked out on stage and unfurled a banner which read ‘Spike Bites Your Ankles’ and then stood there alternately looking at the audience and the banner. Cue audience mirth and then helpless laughter which went on for several minutes before either of them said anything. Priceless.

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farmerfredblog on October 26, 2019 at 11:22 am

I found that font very difficult….. but a good read thanks

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martin on October 26, 2019 at 11:04 am

Brexit screws my brain and your choice of typography has just blinded me. Still if I don’t understand it and can’t see it I must be alright!

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rogerglewis on October 26, 2019 at 9:53 am

have you seen how they make sausages.

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