mesmile  Today’s bigger stories all suggest that the time is right for something or other to happen. It’s just not immediately clear what that might be. Will there be a Brexit deal in the nick of time? Is Philip Hammond out of time? Will the late arrival of stock market correction time be too early for Donald Trump? While Time does heal most wounds, it doesn’t always wound the right heels.

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I’ve been working hard this morning trying to pin down which of three hypotheses about the nature of UK Chancellor Philip Hammond’s brain is the most likely to be correct. First – after his outburst to MPs yesterday about a £36bn ‘bill’ we’ll get from Brussels even if there’s no Brexit deal – I suspect he might now be so desperate to go down with the SS Eutanic, he’d use any old crappola to scare the UK voters into a Second Referendum. This could be because he knows something we don’t about the state of Britain’s finances, and thus hopes to fall upon the mercy of the Commission, in a similar state of delusional hope to that of the Greeks in 2010.

Second, there’s the possibility that miniaturised EC agents have taken control of his nose, and used it to tunnel into his frontal lobes. Therein, they have implanted a sizeable tranche of Baron Adonis’s DNA. This may seem far-fetched, but as his outburst is pure nonsense from end to end (there is no mention at all anywhere in the Lisbon Treaty – in or out of Article 50 – about the EC charging a divorce bill) the possibility has to be considered. He and Adonis might have been separated at birth of course (their hooters are both well above average size) but as Adonis has sounded insanely flakey since childhood – whereas Hammond has been, up until this point, merely a shit – this seems unlikely.

Or finally (expanding on the shit theme for a minute or two) he is razor-keen for May not just to fail, but to be even more utterly humiliated than she is now….and as part of that, it needs to be a failure that sticks like cowpat and mud to Jeremy Hunt. The motive for creating such an outcome is that Mr Hamshank wants to move next door to Number Ten. He has been instrumental in perping Boris Johnson out to the lunatic fringe of the Conservative Party (along with the nastiest bitch at Westminster, Alan Duncan) and has skillfully avoided offering the Prime Minister any praise during her descent into the Brexit quicksand.

While all this nonsense is unravelling on our side of the Channel, as the “negotiations” drag on into the goalless draw that most of us expected, Juncker et Compagnie are pulling the old trick of taking the ball to the corner flag and then dribbling this way and that.

Juncker himself wasted a huge amount of soundbite time yesterday saying that time was running out. If Michel Barnier had used more time to be constructive given the time constraints (and not talked about ticking-clock time three times a week) by this time last year we could have reached a timely agreement in plenty of time, rather than wasting time fretting about time running out. And if the crew of the Mayflower hadn’t piddled away over eight months of time saying there was plenty of time to issue a formal Article 50 Notice to Leave, we would now be having a fine old time as an independent trader – in contrast to the developing crisis time in the EU. Time and tide wait for no man or woman, time is of the essence, and that’s more than enough time spent showing how talking about time left us with no time to think about the full-time whistle.

The bottom line remains the same: had there been the will on either side to reach a deal to create genuine Sovereign Brexit, it could have been done and dusted within six months.

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The Times reports that a global list of charity sex predators is to be launched, claiming the credit for this move on the basis of its 2011 investigation into abuse of power by Oxfam in Haiti during 2011. I can’t imagine there’s much demand for charity sex predators, but thanks to this new legislation, it’ll now be easy for you to find one.

There will never, obviously, be a register of political, local government, judicial, educational, religious, Whitehall, Washington, police, military, White House, CIA or MI5 sex predators, because such would erode what little trust is left in the process of citizens being “defended” by the organs of the State.

The problem with State organs is that they tend to be used to rape and otherwise bully defenceless kids and pensioners. And as long as ruthless Establishmentarians like Leon Brittan, Boris Johnson, David Cameron, Guy Opperman and Peter Mandelson are able to squash any and all investigations of such misuse by placing their buttocks firmly onto the process, the reality will remain hidden from view.

The media have more than their fair share of perpetrators, because fame is a great weapon for every bully. But the role of Newscorp in perverting even that process (by targeting and framing BBC personalities via useful News International contacts in the Metropolitan Police) has never been properly investigated. And as any fule knoes, The Times is owned by that famed Americo-Sino-Australian pornographer Mr Rupert Murder.

That was a partly political broadcast on behalf of the Anti-Hypocrisy Party.

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In other news, Meghan Windsor has been going on walkabout (despite being all of four months pregnant), the Ant in Ant and Dec was “intolerable as a husband” says his newly divorced wife (the comedy double act aren’t so much intolerable as incoherently unbearable), John Bercow insists he will go in his own time (he is already living on borrowed time), and the Investment giant Blackrock says there is “a lot of investor anxiety out there at this time”.

During Q3 2018, retail and institutional investors yanked $24 billion from BlackRock’s funds. So although its annual results were OK, the developing trend as the year draws towards its close is of Big Money getting out of the world’s biggest bourse.

What neither BlackRock nor Bloomberg TV are keen to discuss is that, since the onset of QE, the vast majority of stock trading volumes have been company directors buying their own stock on cheap credit. This has been the driving force behind global stocks being hugely overvalued. Now that the US Fed is raising interest rates, the scam is no longer viable.

Donald Trump is now in a race against time: which will come first – the Wily Coyote moment, or the next US Presidential Election?

“Time is an illusion,” say the Buddhists. “It’s about time more folks woke up to this” say I.