metoday4

Why the One-Worlders need to come down to Earth with a bump

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I have a piece of ‘tune-up’ software designed to speed up my Veteran HP laptop…a little Pavillon that’s twelve years old this year, and still going strong. This may not be a world record for tacky tech, but it certainly is in my little corner of it.

As part and parcel of its ‘World Class’ service (every company these days has a Mission Statement claiming it wants to be World Class) this tune-up gizmo puts programs to sleep when I don’t use them for five minutes, on the grounds that they are ‘slowing down’ my computer. This is all fine and dandy except for one snag: once asleep, these programs take an awfully long time to wake up.

Unexpectedly, that’s ‘slowing down’ my computer. I rather suspect the pinhead angels in the software silo need to develop a new version of speed-up that includes the use of metaphorical buckets of cold water. It might help them edge closer towards World Class, and further away from their current position as woefully crass.


Most people below the age of 40 these days – and every last politician and bureaucrat – view everything (including themselves) as being somehow of World significance. Brexit is viewed in this way, largely because those who are against it see the process as antithetical to their One World vision. Ergo sum, folks in favour of it must be silenced for their own good:

Soccerchantsbrexit

I suggest “ergo sum” because those who see the future as global (and Brexit as being of global significance) clearly struggled to obtain a GCSE in sums. The World Cup is not taking place in the EU, and FIFA has neither the power nor the intelligence to punish even its own fraudsters – let alone anonymous fans. The World Cup in particular (and Brexit in general) is about as World Significant as Human Rights on the nearest Alpha Centauri system planet.

Brexit’s only significance lies in the greater ability it gives Britain to escape from the eurodistaster – and broader global banking Armageddon – that is to come. But even that plus point is marginal: Brexit is to Crash2 what Lord Mandelson’s dodgy mortgages were to the US Housing short of 2008/9.

The German anthem still maintains that Germany is “above everything else in the world”. This is clearly incorrect: not even Vorsprung durch Technik could levitate Angela Merkel, let alone the entire nation. But Hitler too always referred to his “World view”. We have heavyweight champions of the World. In the States, they have the World series, an oddity given that nobody else in the world plays baseball. It’s the American way.

The US is kept very busy, given it is the World’s policeman, the World leader in technology, and the only country in the World that has a valley made entirely from silicon. It has the biggest statue in the world, the biggest sculpture in the world, the biggest defence budget in the world, the biggest economy in the World, and the biggest debt in the World. I think it is worth noting that the last of those seven facts makes the other six somewhat questionable.

It’s certainly true that the US Alt State would like us all to be in One World, and it would be American. But there is also the phrase, ‘a world of difference’. And that is what we really have. Since the day Ted Levitt came up with the term ‘Global Village’ in the 1970s, I have consistently said – first as an advertising professional and then as a writer/blogger – the idea is an utter nonsense, a danger to peace, and nothing more than an excuse to pay human beings low wages and make a tiny percentage of the population obscenely rich.

Mind you, I apply the same rule to Marxism. Marxism is based on the absolutely potty idea (among many other lunacies in the mix) that the human race – in all its ethnic, cultural and national forms – wants only one thing: to have the same material wealth as everyone else, along with the same influence, power, freneticism, repose, diet, sporting interests and Moskva 1.4 litre three-wheel drive car complete with sacking sunroof and rear-passenger teasmaid.

And yet…the Right Remainoids, the Centre Remaindeer and the Left Remainiacs are all fans of One World.

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I need someone to explain to me why we need One World. I don’t want to be a One World Person, I want to explore and learn from visiting as many as possible of the 195 nations, thousands of cultural customs and seven continents on offer before I finally trip over a cracked pavement stone and expire . Nothing makes my heart drop down like a lump of lead into my boots more than going into a Mall in Madrid, Pennsylvania, Edinburgh, Stockholm or Modena and seeing the same crappily-made designer marques I saw in Sydney, Singapore, Paris and Kalamata.

I am all for excellence. But wanting to be the biggest or best or sexiest or mightiest or mostiest anything in the World is to see the planet as something created just so you can shine.

That is profoundly bonkers….and yet, it lies behind a lot of political, business and cultural aspirations among the human occupants of that planet.

But then, as the man said, “Most humour is generated by the difference between human aspiration and human achievement”.