The unbearable lightness of the BBC is a tragic thing to behold. Neither élitist nor tabloid, it gives off the sense of a captive organisation unable to protect its licence fee, and possibly on the verge of Bot reporting techniques automated at the most superficial level imaginable.
For reasons which must be obvious to most Slog visitors by now, I hardlly ever go to the BBCNews channel or its website these days. I’m not a member of the Smash the BBC club, because I wouldn’t want to be a member of any club unable to see the consequences of its mission. The BBC has been bullied by Blairites and Cameroons….and then undermined by Dupexpert Murderoch: you don’t keep the barbarians at bay by killing Claudius – however much of a spineless dick he might be at times.
But it is pointless looking for any kind of objectively investigated journalism from the Beeb these days, because it is too scared to investigate, and far too much of a pc cyclops to be objective.
Here in India, however, the visual communications media are dominated by Merdeschlock and his local ally Tata; so for a local (as opposed to globably-regional) view of what’s been happening, one misses the Blighty Bollocks Cooperative.
I went to the website over breakfast yesterday, and was clinically depressed by lunchtime. The reason for my downer can be summarised as the triumph of inconsequential Stalinist irrelevance over significant analytical insight. Where there once existed a terrier in pursuit of vermin, there is now a parrot bashing its beak against a mirror.
Some examples from the “main stories” section will suffice. If you are already taking Venlafaxine or something similar, I suggest you look away now.
Princess Michael of Kent is probably the least liked member of Britain’s royal family, but the poor dear was forced to apologise for something last Friday that beggars belief in the human sense of proportion: she wrent her clothes and flagellated herself in public for wearing a brooch that has been called “racist” by some people online.
The nonsense goes like this Prince Harry’s fiance, Meghan Markle, is – it turns out – of mixed race: first I’d heard about it, but there you go – royals are of little interest to me these days, and it’s not important anyway.
But it is to the mad people. Princess Michael and soon-to-be Mrs Harry were at a Buck Palace nosh and drink-up earlier in the week, and PM of Kent was sporting an antique blackamoor brooch – that is, a 17th century brooch depicting a dark-skinned Arab. You know – as in Othello, that disgustingly racist play written by sixteenth century Nazi bigot William Shakespeare.
A spin mouthpiece for Mrs Kent said, “the princess is very sorry and distressed that it has caused offence”.
So that’s you struck off the school curriculum, Will.
The ugliest pig in the world was next up on the Beeb’s roll of news honour, because somebody has taken a photographed of it. It seems this is a very rare occurrence, although I’m sure I’ve seen shots of Boris Johnson before. Now if somebody shot Boris Johnson….well squire, different kettle of fish. That would be a top news story. But it’s not about BoJo, it’s about an ugly pig. The ugliest pig in the world, in fact. Having been exposed to it, my life is now complete.
Apology: Having thought about it for a nano-second, I now realise that it was dangerous and abusive of me to talk about shooting a politician, they being a protected species. I am appalled at myself for having done that. I am also sorry, distressed, ashamed, horrified and in need of correction. I’m getting help with the problem. No Get Well cards please.
My first reaction on seeing the above at the BBC site was, ‘Someone’s finally noticed that Erdogan has lost the plot’. What had lovable cheeky-chappie Recep the Rabid done now?
But I’d forgotten that of course now, we have to call Erdogan’s concentration camp Turkiye. I mean fair dos, it was under the heading marked ‘Top News stories’.
But it was actually an item about dementia:
‘Forgetting to turn on the oven for the Christmas turkey could be “a sign of early dementia in a loved one, says the NHS’s top dementia expert.’
It was one of those “all the usual suspects” stories: dementia horror, festive reference, NHS and (obviously) opinion of “an expert”.
Well, I’m here to tell you that forgetting to do something is a sign of forgetting to do something on account of getting old. You can believe me on this one, because I’m an expert – ie, old. Urinating in the vicar’s tea at the Church fete is a sign of inappropriate behaviour, and probably dementia-related. Forgetting to put the oven gas on is less of a clincher when it comes to diagnosis, I have found.
It could be, however, that the NHS professor sometimes forgets to turn his turkey off: after all, his name is Burns. Yes, really….it is. But I think it more likely to be something to do with him being a congenital f**kwit, because he also opines that “becoming confused in a strange house and forgetting relatives’ names” may also be early signs of the disease, and that it is “important to look for changes in normal behaviour in older family members”.
As if trying to add credibility via statistics, the BBC concludes, ‘There is usually a rise in calls to the Alzheimer’s Society in January’. With tosh like this knocking about, I’m not surprised.
Caller: Hello, is that the Alzheimer’s Society?
AS: Yes, how can we help you today?
Caller: Dunno, I’ve forgotten.
China was the next destination for toppermost BBC news stories. As some of you will know, China is a major geopolitical factor in the Donald Strategy to bring North Korea to the negotiating table by turning it into a nuclear pancake. This worries a lot of people, as China has a history of aggression, and a tendency to get hacked off with fangwois irradiating its borders.
So it’s good to see Auntie pitching in with a piece about karaoke under the Communist jackboot. Rising cub reporter Stephen McDonnell investigates why ‘in China it’s become so popular that people can now sing inside mini karaoke booths in shopping centres’.
I don’t know about you, but if I was a Pentagon nuclear targets planner, first on my list would be the secret Karaoke Plant in Szechuan province. It’s obviously manufacturing a secret weapon of some kind: just as Chinese solar garden lights represented a cunning plot to have Western paper tigers crippled by tripping over solar garden lights they couldn’t see, so too Karaoke singing broadcast from Space at 270 gigabels (Beijing calculates) would have decadent running-dog crypto capitalist lackeys screaming for mercy.
Personally, I’m unconvinced: on discovering that tuneless off-the-note Round the Clock Karaoke was available everywhere in China, the PRC would be swamped with UK Underclass immigration requests. Importing 14 million tattooed wibbly-wobblies would represent the biggest own goal since the the Trojans gave full residency rights to the Greek wooden horse.
Now before I get the usual fish-brained shoal of virtue-signalling tweets about this post from Fluffy Sanctimony Incorporated, allow me please to offer some valedictory words before the Nativity celebrations render almost everyone in Britain bloated and ratted.
I doubt very much if Meghan Markle gives a flying doodoo about Princess Michael’s brooch. The interest in this “story” comes from paranoid anal retentives tweeting from attics with all the time in the world on their hands.
In a world full of Jihadist fanatics, the ugliness or otherwise of one pig is of sub-atomic importance compared to the desire of such lunatics to kill everyone who eats pork.
Granny’s ability or otherwise to cook a Turkey may well be a bad sign. But if the State hasn’t got the remotest clue what to do with doolally Grannies, what possible use is an early warning system? The answer is, “About as much use as the 4-minute warning of a nuclear attack” featured in those pointless COI films about Protect & Survive from the 1960s.
China (along with almost every other Earthling Nation State) has expansionist aims at one time or another. This may well be an intrinsic problem with having such States brainwashed by unsupportable socio-economic ideologies. However, the chances are that Karaoke is not a factor of any importance.
This post is about the supine banality of the BBC. As with the NHS, were it ringfenced against fiscal market pressures and political interference, it could once again become a beacon of neutral light…..as opposed to a colour spectrum dictated by whichever Party is “in power” at any given time.