Put together a shambolic entrepreneur with flakey regulation, and what you get is risible service, systemic muddle, and dead people.
A potted history of Richard Branson’s career: tax evasion on direct mail record sales, suppliers left with bad debts that bankrupted them, businesses sold hastily to mugs who then had to produce commerce from chaos, persistent lies about overcrowding on his trains, a dead pilot after the failure of Virgin Galactic – and a purchase of online banking services fronted by underpaid Geordies taking earache 24/7 from customers fed up of mad organisational structures.
His rewards for this cacophony of crap: a knighthood, £5.2 billion of personal wealth, and a tropical island all to himself.
Assuming “Sir” Richard Branson ever does die before discovering the secret of Eternal Life, I have the perfect inscription for his tombstone:
He lived, so that others might suffer
Today, Tricky Dicky owns but 23% of Virgin Money….34% of it is owned by fellow billionaire Wilbur Ross, a carpetbagger known on Wall Street as the King of Bankruptcy….but better known now as the confirmed Trump nomination for US Secretary of Commerce. The rest of it is has been shared out between some publicity-evaders described on Google as “others”. Presumably, this means “others who in turn do not give a monkey’s chuff about the mayhem they cause, just so long as they stay rich”.
Here is a factoid I worked out yesterday after spending four months trying to extract my ISA contract from the grip of Virgin Money: given the 0.1% interest level I was paid during the term – and the cost of ringing their service centre from France – I made a net loss on the tax-free investment. That’s a tough goal to achieve, but it’s a breeze if you’re dealing with Northern Rock “saviour” Dorian Branson.
It all began last October when I realised the 5-year term (today, I find ‘sentence’ a better description) on my ISA would be up this year. Despite having informed them (along with everyone else) of my change of residence, the news of this journey came as a complete surprise to the Virgin computer. This struck me as odd given that they had been writing to me at the new address for some time.
Look, rather than take you through the complete saga of incompetence, I’ll just give you the lowlights. These are like highlights, but minus the illumination aspect.
- All told, during the process between late October and now, Virgin Money (VM) staff put me through to the wrong extension seven times, gave me the wrong telephone number four times, and cut me off seven times
- The man in charge of operations is called James Cruddas. Despite his standard letter about helplines offering the wrong number [0044 191 279 2491] – and me pointing this out to VM staff three times – four months on, the letter remains unchanged
- Having decided I needed a new ‘one-time password’ to get into the account, not once was I given a new customer ID number. They sent me five passwords by snail-mail over the period, without ever catching on to the system’s unwillingness to recognise the one I had
- Nor did the computer like my security-check answers. Nor did the ‘account management’ system at any point record the change of address.
- On each occasion when I rang the Help Centre, I asked if the person at the other end had an updated history of my problems. I asked this six times. The answer was always “No”.
- Eventually, I rang VM last Monday, and asked to make an Escalated Complaint. At last, things began to happen….and I will tell you why: the regulator bases a large part of service scoring on the number of escalated complaints. Financial service suppliers will do anything rather than record an escalated complaint. The result was that, during one phone call, I was offered a new account profile, new security questions, manual address change amendments and – had I asked for it – they’d probably have given me the number of Miss Hand Relief for a free session involving overnight stay.
- I’ve just been into the account, and noted three “secure” messages waiting for me. Two out of the three told me the new account amendments were invalid, and the bank I’d nominated to receive the funds couldn’t be used because it’s in France. None of those involved on the phone earlier in the week thought to explain that the call was close to being a waste of time.
So this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to change the nominated bank to an English one – a pain in the arse, but there you are – and then I’m going to withdraw the lot, and close the VM account. The objective will be never, ever again to have to deal with this rubber-bands and balsa wood cowboy outfit created by the ultimate middle-class cowboy Hank Branson.
Then I’m going to write to President Trump and suggest that his Secretary of Commerce appointment might need a rethink. Then I’m going to put Sir Richard Branson-Pickle on the lifetime Slog naughty step along with Rupert Murdoch and George Soros. And talking of George Soros….
Well goodness gracious me, what a coincidence.
Richard Branson is a little rich-boy chancer who used Mummy’s money to make a fortune at the expense of commercial partners, the Revenue, shareholders, mug-buyers and taxpayers. Not content with this, he is now working actively behind the scenes to undermine the will of British people on the Brexit question….despite the fact that 68% of the electorate in the most recent poll said they want the Government “to just get on with Brexit”.
As such, he is the epitome of all greedy faux-liberal globalists like Arianna Huffington, Hillary Clinton, Nick Clegg, Emmanuel Macron and Tony Blair. These shits despise the principles behind cultural pride and majority verdicts…for such considerations are like giant oaks fallen in the path of their me-first-me-first road to more and more and more of everything for the privileged minority.
On his last day at Stowe private school, the headmaster Robert Drayson told Branson he would either end up in prison, or become a millionaire. He wasn’t far out. With time and justice, he might score 2/2.
This often reminds me of when I used to get together with my friends in the advertising industry in Croydon during the 1960’s before I retired. We would sit in the offices talking about how to advertise the chocolate biscuit campaign which was another flop. Oh well i should have stuck to driving buses in South Feltham because my granny lived there and I could get a free roast dinner on a wednesday otherwise i had to go to the kebab shop in Hounslow where even today i have a season ticket for jumped up proles who live on junk.
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My fortnightly delivery of Pukka Pies comes on a friday.
The weekend brings my chums and a few bottles of red with good british beef. we can usually eat 3 at a time.
Lovely with baked beans…but rather windy .
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When I came out of the hairdressers yesterday, the stylist said, oh and heres your bottle of dye for your browse and ladygarden.???
Do I put this on the roses or what?
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Thanks Panopt. It is indeed interesting – could it really be that the Savile affair was a complete fabrication? If there really is no fire behind the smoke, what would be the incentive of those that have been promoting the story? I understand that alleged victims could recover from the estate, but why would it have been pushed so heavily by others? Is it to target the BBC, or to distract from other more political offenders perhaps?
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CanXpat,
Entirely random example (I’m at work so don’t have time to find the best one), but hopefully you’ll get the idea from it.
http://jimcannotfixthis.blogspot.co.uk/2016/05/disco-inferno.html
Don’t know if the writer is barking up the wrong tree, but the blog is extremely well researched and throws up a hell of a lot of awkward questions.
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Panopt
I at*empted a reply, but Weirdpress decided to send it packing. I did visit the su*gested website, but as it contains hundreds of individual articles, I would be grateful if you would point me to a specific one that would best il*uminate your point. Thanks.
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CanXpat,
Will you do me a little favour? Spend a while on this blog:
http://jimcannotfixthis.blogspot.co.uk/
then ask yourself again what the most disturbing aspect of the Savile affair is.
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Re Matt White… Its just been pointed out to me that his feat is “only one step on from sucking up to the Massive Dick, Evans!”
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@David – speaking of Horses the DT has the following headline: “New series of Top Gear will have more ‘humour’ – plus Matt LeBlanc eating horse penis” I didn’t read the article but I couldn’t stop wondering if it will still be attached to the horse…?…….
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‘Cue Card’ was back to his ebullient best in winning the ‘Betfair Ascot Chase yesterday, doing hand springs. Colin Tizzard’s exuberant staying chaser won by nearly 20 lengths over 2 miles 5 furlongs. I still don’t think that ‘Cue Card’ will get 3 miles 2 furlongs in the Gold Cup. However it is astonishing to think that Tizzard has THREE live contenders entered in this race – ‘Native River’ my idea of the winner, ‘Thistlecrack’ and ‘Cue Card.’
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Brains in trousers.
Oh please, who cares anyway?
Switching off now.
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Enormously OT, but is this the beginning of the great ‘Deep State’ unravelling?
http://yournewswire.com/police-chief-claims-sir-edward-heath-was-a-paedophile/
One of the most disturbing aspects of the Saville affair for me was his closeness to pillars of the U.K. establishment including Thatcher and Prince Charles. If the allegations against Savile are correct, it is inconceivable to me that MI5/Special Branch/GCHQ could have vetted Savile and concluded that he was a suitable companion for both a sitting Prime Minister and the heir to the throne unless the vetters were aware that such appetites are desirable traits in those with access to power. Rumour has it that the U.S. will soon be rocked by similar revelations about its own power elite. Epstein’s island retreat will pale in comparison allegedly.
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stephen
It would be a real tonic if we could have more ice with fewer lemons.
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Talking of crocks, I don’t know whether this is fake news , it does sound rather implausible but you never know these days so it was well worth rewriting a little ditty….
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-02-16/monumental-stupidity-%E2%80%98refreezing%E2%80%99-arctic
CHORUS:
Blow the wind Northerly, Northerly, Northerly,
Blow the wind North o’er the Arctic ice sea;
Blow the wind Northerly, Northerly, Northerly,
Blow and bloody freeze the warm Arctic sea.
They told me there might be 10 million blowers in t’offing,
Anthropogenic Global Warming you see;
But my eye could not see it, whatever might be it,
That’s another $500 billion between you and me.
CHORUS
Blow the wind Northerly etc
Oh, is it not sweet to hear settled science singing,
As lightly it comes o’er the peeps trolling creed?
But sweeter and dearer by far when ’tis bringing,
Bankruptcy & indebtedness but no carbon energy for thee or me…
CHORUS
Blow the wind Northerly etc
(With apols to Kathleen Ferrier)
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@ AJC ….surely not the dreaded eg g and sperm race?
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Ross is the perfect embodiment of almost everything Trump stands for and you want his nomination canceled? What are you thinking?
Let me spell it out for you. Trump is going to try bring the casual linkedin corruption of neoliberalism to an end and replace it with the more old fashioned man to man corruption. About the only saving grace of the old fashioned graft and corruption was that it is in a way more democratic. No need to go through all the bother of rising in some institution or other only to have the benefits of your work go somewhere else. Instead you can rise from nothing in a heartbeat and get paid off directly right away. Then too people complaining about it can be taken care of right away.
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Just for the record, 48 hours on I still can’t get the money transferred to my nominated bank. Are these Branson obstacles reasons or excuses? Am I just another Virgin Galactic pilot left to die in Space by Branson the Brown-dirt Cowboy? Time will tell…
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Today the Mail reports that the two ugly royal princesses are unhappy that the Queen hasn’t devolved any charities to them. I don’t know if this one (Beatrice) was the one who once dressed as a playing card but the Brnason reference caught my eye.
“Beatrice, 28, is already patron of nine charities but has been unemployed since July last year. She is said to be working on developing a business app, but nothing has so far come of it. However she has been raising charity funds through sports challenges with friends in the Branson family.”
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when we need answers from our so called leaders and public servants and ‘people’ like branson maybe we should take a leaf out of this book …
http://tapnewswire.com/2017/02/clinton-investigation-is-not-over-yet/
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I don’t like to mention it, but the incompetence may not be accidental but for a reason – there is not the money to repay you and they are waiting for you to give up trying to claim it.
As for Germany leaving the Euro first, don’t believe a word of it. Trump is correct. Its the means by which Germany has an undervalued currency.
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https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/feb/19/why-some-tories-fear-blood-on-the-streets
A certainty glimpse into the near future.
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One reason why the health service is crashing is the stupidity of creating a so called ‘contestable market’. This is costing billions to administer. Money that is being diverted away from patient care service to line the pockets of Dick Branson whose service will add negative value.
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Check out the ‘jobs’ at http://www.virgincare.co.uk/
This will be a stonker of an earner for the bearded spiv
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Breaking fake news:
Jeremy Hunt and family booked for British Virgin Islands at exclusive Virgin tax break hideaway
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Ultimate role model ME generation
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Courts royalty and BarryOdumbass
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http://www.virgincare.co.uk/
sucks gov teat, poaches management
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Very proud to report that I have NEVER once purchased anything from a company that has the word ‘Virgin’ linked to it or any other that I have known Branson has an interest.
If you can’t see through the fake smile and schmoozy bullshit I’ve no doubt you voted for the psychopaths like Blair and Obama.
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JW , I seem to recall that some time ago you ventured the idea that Germany might be the first to ditch the Euro , possibly the EU even.
It’s not too late . . . there are murmurings . . .
http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2017-02-18/merkel-says-there-problem-euro-blames-mario-draghi
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I once bought one of his Virgin’s compilation CD’s , it looked like a great compilation , as I was looking for a copy of Backman-Turner Overdrives “ain’t seen nothing yet”.I got it home and it was a CD without a single actual “real single ” version of any of the songs , the BTO was a live version recorded at the bottom of a well , the rest of the tracks were just as bad.
I was glad when Virgin Records went bust , unfortunately he seems to have suffered no harm in the event.
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a great article JW.. thanks.
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Did no one tell Barack Obama about Richard Branson? Expect the next Obama holiday to be with Philip Green on Lionheart.
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he also has over 50 nhs contracts to manage hospitals but he keeps very quiet about that. Actually I read his book 20 years ago and was gobsmacked at what a complete spiv he appeared . Shocking business practises….well I thought that then …now ? Standard practise.
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Same crocks of shit, different names.
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Is he related to Sir Philip (Shifty) Green?
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In 1986, Margaret Thatcher appointed Richard Branson as Britain’s first ‘litter tsar’. He promised to set thousands of young unemployed people to work cleaning up the streets and clearing derelict sites.
Still waiting.
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There was an old bug*er called Soreos,
who met Mr Virgin (a complete toss)
Their disgraceful behaviour
promoted TB as Saviour –
All three should be nailed to a cross.
With aplos to Dylan Thomas
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Looking at Soros in the photo, could it be that he really has (thankfully) finally shuffled off the mortal coil? He looks ‘taxidermied’ to me!
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John, what took you so long to work about that any Virgin venture works purely for the benefit of Branson? Given your focus on fraudsters and fly by nights I am actually surprised a) that you signed up in the first place, and b) that you took so long to suss VM out before taking action.
—————————
As to (a) I didn’t make the original investment – my ex-wife did and (b) her loss of memory was what started the problem. Try not to be too judgemental of either me or her. Shit happens.
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Did it for me forget the article, Branson is a Sorosite pure and simple.
Boycotting all Virgin from now, all part of the globalist warmonger pack and then runs round pretending to put sticking plaster on blown of body parts.
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I once did jury service with Branson’s former Financial Director – a young man appointed for his malleability. Beardy’s practices were too close to the wind even for him and he got out. He described the Pickle Empire as a House of Cards. The very few assets made guest appearances on numerous balance sheets to boost market confidence. I got the feeling he wanted to see his former boss in the dock.
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His fascination with hot air and inflated spherical objects was a bit of a give away.
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Really useful to have backstory like this.
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