mesnip30716 With the next Eurovision Song Contest in Kiev now only seven months away, many British performing artists are already hard at work to find the lyrics and melody of our Song for Europe. But at this time of bitterness and division in our country, the entries previewed so far suggest there’s going to be a bewildering rainbow of choice.

Our best reporters here at Sloggers’ Roost Global HQ today bring you exclusive details of work in progress among those with nothing better to do than try and win the Eurovision Song Contest in May 2017. Some of the concepts nearing conclusion prior to being turned, honed and carefully anodised are listed below.

Save the Last Chance for Me. Theresa Maniac & the Drifters

Death to racist scum and a spigot up the bum for every fascist bigot and uneducated maggot. Momentum Love Machine

48 or 13 x 4. Chicago Polly & the Toyn Bees

Roll away the Stone. Mott the Hoey

Yer fockin rich fockers with bigger fockin boats than me on de Thames have focked us up royally an’ I fockin hope yer all fockin booouurn in Hell and wut aboat Africa? Bob Geldof

Hold Tight. Dave D, Foxy, Boris, Nige & Glitch

Puppet on a String. Uncle Tombama & the Clintonatos

Boombanga dingdonga Tulips from Waterloo. Jereboam Drivelbang & the Hairdressers

Frontrunner at the minute, however, is a catchy little number that all of us here on Junk Vox Brewery think will have the youngsters tapping their feet in no time:

Blame it on the Brexit

Theresa’s always dancin’
One day she’s out, then she’s in
The process isn’t movin’
And that’s no lie.
We had a referendum
Now she wants a new addendum
and the moanin’s never endin’
That’s why the losers cry:
“Don’t blame it on Camoron
Don’t blame it on George Osborne
Don’t blame it on the system
Blame it on the Brexit”
Well yer know there’s Philip Hammond
And then sneaky Alex Salmond
Geli Merkel, François Hollande
Tony Blair and Bloomberg News
Goldman Sachs, Barack Obama
they all added to the drama
but they didn’t have the karma
and they really hate to lose.
Don’t blame it on the ClubMed
or Schäuble being braindead
or Yellen’s YesandNo Fed
Blame it on the Brexit
Don’t blame it on progressive
ideas so aggressive
and immigration too excessive
Blame it on the Brexit

Don’t blame it on the EC
Don’t blame it on the pc
or Signor Draghi and his QE
Blame it on the Brexit

Don’t blame it on the World Debt
Don’t blame it on the Budget
or the stuff we haven’t seen yet
Blame it on the Brexit

© 2016 Lyrics by Hellas Slogolopoulus

Earlier at The Slog: The Monday madness of Bill Clinton and Italian bad banks