The Twattering Classes

meglycinessnip Tonight you can enjoy the excitement of Jeremy Hunt, Josephine Cumbo on the Pensions Dashboard, Police diversity drivel, Photo-propaganda, and the Blairation of David Cameron.

I have today invented a new noun, the falsehunt. It is like a falsehood, except that for an utterance to become a falsehunt, the mendacity-counter has to reach further heights of hideous hypocrisy and counterfeit caring.


Above is a classic example. It is not enough for Jezzer Rhymeeng-Slange to say he’s excited about opening a school: ooooooh dear me no. He has to be very excited about opening a special needs school.

For only a tumescence of enthusiasm alongside copious bleeding of tomato ketchup all over the Savile Row suit will do for the ultimate Tory Dorian. Especially as – in earlier news during the release of which Mr Punt was unavailable for comment – he was revealed as the far-too-modest author of swingeing cuts to the NHS he treasures.

And that’s the curio in this little corner of complete copulating distraction. For Jeremy is the besieged Secretary of State for Health facing Britain’s first ever full-on hospital doctor’s strike….not the Edukashun Sekwetawy.

This sort of thing is trending in the Conservative Party: Philip Hammond is the Chancellor of the Exchequer, but he talks about little beyond his beloved
European Union – and the need to take the Brexit process a decade at a time.

Theresa Mayormaynot is the Prime Minister, but she’s jolly keen on fee-based Grammar schools. Liam Fox is supposed to be helping David Davies on the Brexit project, but spends far more time briefing against the Foreign Secretary. And Michael Felon is supposed to be defending the Nation, but also spends most of his time defending Grammar Schools.

Next week: Work & Pensions secretary Damian Green weighs in on the Nursery Schools debate, Scottish secretary David Mundell calls the Welsh “a shower of sheep-shaggers”, and Transport secretary Chris Grayling dubs Motorway service stations “breeding grounds of Jihadist junk food”.

One of the FT’s more usefully gobby journalists Josephine Cumbo floated this tweet onto troubled waters over the weekend:


The choice of words was a little unfortunate, even if she was referring to private (rather than State) pensions. Women knocked sideways by unacceptable delays to their State pensions – the so-called Waspis – would love to seek advice about the location of their pensions….but the fact that they’re in the deeply secret pockets of the Treasury does render this assertion from, um, the Treasury somewhere far beyond ironic.

If the Waspi ladies had been allowed to keep 40-45 years of NI contributions and stick them in a proper pension fund (rather than the current account of HM Treasury) they would not today be in clover. But they would have far more money at their disposal than the State payout at the minute, given that they don’t have anything from that State….because 75% of the way through the term, Whiteminster welched on its oft-repeated promise to give them a pension at age Sixty.

I do not know, by the way, what a pensions dashboard is. My best guess is that it’s a novel idea whereby Government actuaries look through the windscreen rather than the rear-view mirror, but I couldn’t be sure.

When I settled in Devon some years back, the new head of Devon & Cornwall police wrote to tell me he was a leader in cultural diversity. The following week, my neighbour’s son was beaten up by a gang of yobs. The police didn’t turn up.

Two months later, a serial crook with a record of petty crime tried to steal some celebrity phone numbers off my computer. The police didn’t turn up.

Six months  after that, the same crook put his retail neighbour in hospital. The bloke was half his size. The police called the assault “a case of knock for knock”.


In my entire 13 years in Devon, I saw one black person and three Chinese who ran the local chippy. As you can see, this kind of careerism is infectious. This is why people vote Brexit, UKip and other things infinitely less innocent. Racism has nothing to do with it: they are just tired of people on the public payroll taking the mickey.

Based on the picture below, you are asked to believe:

  1. This bloke is in the SAS
  2. He has just fired one shot at a member of ISIS
  3. The ISIS member had a flamethrower and was about to use it
  4. By firing his gun, the Squaddie saved 12 lives.


I make myself eternally unpopular with the varietal rentamobs calling for this and that in Syria, Iraq, Gaza, Lebanon, Ukraine, South Ossetia and a hundred other unhappy locations around the globe.

The principle I apply to this shot is exactly the same as the ones they turn up with….almost always involving dead children: without proof, they are so much lachrymose propaganda and utterly worthless as evidence.

But year after year, naïfs are taken in by – and circulate – such things. Truly incredible, and profoundly disturbing.

Anyway, on this less than historic day, I could not close without making mention of Dave, King of Camerlot. I laboriously counted the first 237 tweets on this subject. Only one was nice about Cameldung:


You did? You do? You mad or what?

So I couldn’t resist this personal goodbye to Sam’s Scam Man:


The Presidential Race: a Nut vs a Lush

28 thoughts on “The Twattering Classes

  1. Did laugh at the photo of the “sniper”. Single shot? Was that after the previous dozen rounds loosed off, the shell casings of which lie in silent testament to his enthusiasm for getting as many in as poss before the Sergeant sighs wearily and says, “thank you rifleman No.1 … I did say a single round to the shouty man at 80 yards”.


  2. You missed off the two essential words at the end of the SAS pic caption, John: “stock image” which in fairness was there.

    Whatever the truth or provenance of the story (and I recall similar, ‘killed two insurgents at 1500 yds with one bullet’ stories and the like cropping up every month or so) the image has nothing to do with it. But as you say, it is intended to fool the casual or more likely 90% of readers the story is honest.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Camerons legacy is the death and chaos he helped to wrought in Libya and Syria. He was a total puppet of US foreign policy.
    He probably has a nice little earner lined up in the City. Certainly another Blair clone.


  4. He has read the Red Boxes: he knows some of the ‘events’ coming down the line. I am afraid i would be tempted to do the same


  5. Apparently the sniper shot at a flame-thrower tank on the targets back, the tank exploded killing the wearer and 3 other insurgents close by, so one shot kills 4 insurgents.


  6. Mr Spigot, more toe rag than Tarzan, no doubt intends to tap those he has greased for as much moolah as he possibly can. If there were any justice he wouldn’t have a legacy to stand on.


  7. I have nothing against cultural diversity per se. However the way it is implemented in the UK is to my mind socially divisive:
    Council’s scared to celebrate Christmas for fear of upsetting minorities.
    Supermarkets routinely offering halal food without clearly labelling it as such.
    Wasting money on translating documents into a babel of little known languages.
    Allowing the wearing of traditional costumes in British Streets.
    Allowing the growth of ghettos in certain of our cities.
    I would say that if anyone wishes to live in Britain they should publicly assimilate within a given time frame(say 5 years)
    By publicly assimilate I would mean speak the same English and dress in western garb. Should they refuse to do this the road back home is wide open. This does not restrict their right to religion or customs insofar as it affects no others.
    I find it intolerable that immigrants wish to move to the UK and impose their own way of life on us.
    Should they be taken to task on this they immediately whine they are a persecuted minority.
    Well today it would appear it is the majority that are being persecuted by immigrant minorities aided by an army of do gooders that have no comprehension of what they are unleashing down the road.

    Try taking a suitcase full of bibles to Saudi and see where you end up!


  8. Over sixty years ago I had a marksman’s badge, using a Lee-Enfield Mark 2. I tend to take such stories with a large dose of salt and there is plenty of that in the desert. They often rank with film westerns were the hero guns down a man at 200 yards from the hip with an 1870’s model weapon.


  9. “Try taking a suitcase full of bibles to Saudi and see where you end up!”

    Er….try bringing in a tin trunk full of art from Delhi into Dhahran with a Buddhist tanka as one of the items! How do I know that? ;)


  10. Is it just me that finds the picture of the sniper particularly strange? We are to accept without question that British troops, funded by the British taxpayer are killing people on the Sovereign territory of foreign governments that have not invited their presence? I realise drone killings have become routine for the Neocon-led U.S, and I’m sure the SAS and their ilk have probably been operating in Syria, usually on the side of the Jihadis for the past six years, but am I to be shocked that both International and domestic law is so clearly pushing up the daisies that our troops can be blatantly operating in foreign countries without a declaration of war, or even a mandate from Parliament. According to the ‘article’ that accompanies the photo, the event took place in Raqqa, Syria. I wonder what the attitude of the U.K. press would be if this was a member of Speznatz shooting friendly ‘moderate’ jihadis in Jordan.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. @Canexpat.
    You are correct. It just goes to show how far the conditioning of society has progressed. IF you think that the situation you have outlined is bad then how about the use of depleted uranium in Iraq and the withholding of medical supplies subsequently by the US and British, and worst of all Madeleine Albright’s response to the death of 500,000 Iraqi children. “We think it was worth it”
    The use of weapons of mass destruction against an innocent people and further measures impose through sanctions and embargoes tantamount to genocide.No one says a word and Bush and Blair are feted. We live in a very sick society!

    Liked by 4 people

  12. The caption should have read:

    SAS killer executes a foreigner in his own country who is about to use one of our flamethrowers to carry out a sentence of death on 12 people who we pretend to care about.

    (Propaganda photo of an American soldier has nothing to do with the event described and is included merely to influence credulous readers like you into believing that there is no alternative.)


  13. And, can you imagine the terrible weapons that they are now in the process of, or have already developed for use on the masses? You can’t tell me they are not looking at bombs that don’t destroy property, ways of vapourising people so as to leave intact all the rich pickings for themselves.


  14. This is a genuine neutron bomb…

    the German public. I don’t know if it will get through WordPress’ FreedomSoftware® but we’ll see…

    This protest in SEVEN CITIES against TTIP – AND – CETA.

    Obviously word has gotten around, irrespective of the news blackout.


  15. A rant from a concerned citizen regarding the deaths caused by isis et al would be nice! Just to keep things balanced, you understand.
    Plus i think you will find things have moved on a bit in the weapons field Demitrius! A family member who has served two tours in Afghan and one in Iraq,and has first hand experience of such things. Tells me the range of modern weapons and there ability to kill at ever greater distance is astounding. As he has first hand knowledge gained in combat,rather than from the safety of Bastion etc i tend to give some weight to his opinions. Let us remember ” people sleep peacefully in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf.”
    At this juncture a re reading of Kipling’s Tommy may well be appropriate. We in the west are too used to an easy life,the time is coming when we may have to reconsider our position.


  16. @Mrmetatarsal
    To keep things balanced: If no puddle of oil existed under large parts of the Middle East do you think Iraq, Libya and Syria would have been sent rocketing back into the Stone Age? Also who or what created isis and all the other alphabet soup of Jihadis.
    The great game takes on a new perspective when the adversary has equivalent weapons.


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