BREAKING….Hollande will only run if he can win


Voilà François le plat écran/dépourvue toujours d’élan

mesnip30716Ever the man to avoid risk under all circumstances, Monsieur le Président François Hollande has at last come out and said he’d quite like to run again in 2017, but only if it’s a walkover. It’s a whole new approach to minimising failure, and it just might work. Or something.

Having seen the news on Twitter just now, I found this response irresistible:


By some distance the most unpopular President in Vth Republic history, he broke a new depth record in June, when a TNS Sofres poll for Le Figaro Magazine put his rating at 12%. But Frankie le plat écran is obviously feeling better that last month the figure zoomed to 17%. And that, of course, was before the unemployment figures came out…showing unemployment had fallen to a mere 9.9%.

“I have the urge to run in 2017,” he told two respected journalists, “but I know what it is to have no personal life. So if there is no chance of success, I will not run”.

There’s nothing French voters would like more than for Hollande to return to private life, but it all depends on how one defines “chance” really. At what point, for example, would he decide he had “no chance” – after the exit polls? With Hitler, the Russians were lobbing grenades through the Bunker’s back door before the Führer finally decided the game was up.

You simply never can tell. But what I love about the “pledge” is that it is so perfectly infantile, it suits Francois to a tee. “Ah arm ornlee pleying unless yoerr let me scurr more gowels zan ze uzza team, an’ eet eez mah bowal so zair”.

Nevertheless, for the first time in a life he has never quite managed to get, the President could be about to set a trend. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if all public officials – elected or otherwise – gave we the voters early warning of their hopeless position?

Take our own unelected Theresa Maniac, for exmple: imagine the joy at seeing this in print during 2019:

“….so I now accept that the Cabinet, ninety percent of Tory backbenchers, and 100% of Party grassroots workers think I’m a nasty old bitch trying to keep us moored to the Eutanic in perpetuity. This reality – coupled with my popularity rating of one gibbering psychotic in a Docklands penthouse – forces me with great sadness to make way for someone who stands at least a snowball in Hell’s chance of winning”.

Or this from Hillary Billary in the US:

“From Day One of this campaign there has been a concerted attempt by the American media to prove me some kind of depraved sociopath handing Ambassadors to the wolves, writing emails threatening people, murdering others who expressed a foolish interest in blowing the whistle, embezzling State funds on behalf of my husband, and lying about the fact that I wear a tupée while sporting men’s underwear. This proof being now incontrovertible, I have decided to run away somewhere that has no extradition treaty with the US”.

So then: do the decent thing, Owen Smith, Anne Keen, Angela Merkel, Mario Draghi and Wolfgang Schäuble. You know it makes sense.

20 thoughts on “BREAKING….Hollande will only run if he can win

  1. I so despise Angela Merkel. She has destroyed this otherwise productive and industrious Germany which was okay to live in till last September. Sure there are disadvantages, such as bloody awful supermarkets, German stubbornness, a mainstream media which is tuck in the 1950s (schlager musik anyone?) but the place had a weird charm underlying all the rules and ordung. She ruined that.


  2. Jeremy

    I remember I used to visit Munich a lot, one of my clients being headquartered there.
    I’d get into a taxi on arrival & on the radio would be “Oompapa, Oompapa, Oompapa”.
    So one day I asked the cabby if he’d mind changing stations.
    “Naturlich,” he replied.
    Oompapa Oompapa Oompapa…

    Although Gemma suspects otherwise, I am very Germanophile….and very Europhile.
    I just hate Brussels and the pc neonazi élite in Berlin.
    I love Europe, I live here FFS. But federalism sucks like an electrolux.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. @all

    The real point about the EU it is the German constitution, the one that is insidiously controlled by the USA. Currently I am starting to view by the action of the likes of GS as a direct attack on the UK citizen to neuter our vote of choice. Bit like NATO as the military wing of the US, wielded as a club to make nations subservient. Add in the UN, that is the diplomatic wing of the US wielded to apply rules you cannot uphold to get to unleash the dogs of war NATO. The IMF is the economic manipulator then FED, BOE, ECB … et all are the bag men.


    Putting all the issues aside, only one thing not to like about the EU, the inabilitiy to allow the whole band of MEP’s to actually vote for all the commissionars and become a proper parliament. Even you scratch my back, or banding together to get commissionars elected, then those so chosen get to elect the leader. At that point to control the EU superstate just went up exponetitally on cost to justify the level of population you need to buy to wield that power. 30%+ as a minimum, but always unsure because they refuse to pay 51%.

    Question is it good to be a european slave or a european free person? That is what is at stake and the EU would be the slave owner because no slaves can rise to that position and the slave owner is known.


  4. You forgot to add that when HillaryBilly was a lawyer in Little Rock, she turned her rather blind right eye to the fact that the Ejaculator in Chief was busy helping to run the official CIA hard drugs import agency at Mesa air strip. It may have been how he bought the Presidency in 1992, seeing as how the agency was being run by Dubya’s Daddy (delegated to CIA subordinates now he was playing at being the Veep). You know: ‘Georgie, you’ve had one term as President, you ask for a second and I’ll blow your drugs network out of the water and across the Washington Post!’ ‘OK, as long as Jnr can take over from you in 2000 for two terms’. ‘Deal!’


  5. Mark Deacon

    “The real point about the EU it is the German constitution, the one that is insidiously controlled by the USA.”

    Is this what you’ve reasoned, given what is published in the mainstream media?

    Because the German constitution includes elements that are bitter to the US, like corporations having to pay taxes. Starbucks had to go through all kinds of motions so that they didn’t have to pay any tax…

    The entire point of the EU is that corporations should be allowed to earn their income without having to pay taxes, just as is the case in Britain and America.

    But then, when these countries have economic problems, they can always blame German mercantilism, can’t they?

    After all, it’s what Britain and America would love to do…

    Liked by 1 person

  6. The Torygraph today is incensed that the EU is allegedly trying to claim Britain’s success in the Olympics as its own, producing a table showing itself at the top of the medals table above the US, China etc. Britain has disappeared completely. It asks its readers if this is acceptable and 90% reply No, they should all be pushed into the swimming pool – a fate too good for them IMHO.


  7. alexei
    I think everyone deserves a little look at the olympic story. East Germany has retired from drug fuelled competiton so we get this nonsense from some european twerp . Who is he trying to impress??


  8. Regarding British Olympians, who have DONE SO WELL…..
    A VERY large chunk of the money for training and general encouragement came from the very generous British Public in the form of the National Lottery – not some quango Brussels secret cashback scam.


  9. “But then, when these countries have economic problems, they can always blame German mercantilism, can’t they?

    After all, it’s what Britain and America would love to do…”

    I suppose it was a national from either the UK or USA that secretly infiltrated the VW Group and fitted their cars with emission defeating software too?


  10. I put a lot of UK success to modern punters camera: One can see what is going on/or not….be interesting to see what hits the web over the next few days, stuff taken by those there!
    I said to my wife before the games started, UK should do quite well … What with the drug scares and the new imaging and rerun stuff….things will be a bit difficult for the usual suspects!
    I note one bod who left UK early to join Mudcock at sky still had something to say.


  11. digbydog

    “I suppose it was a national from either the UK or USA that secretly infiltrated the VW Group and fitted their cars with emission defeating software too?”

    I know, when you believe what you are told in the mainstream media, you’d believe it was only VW who did this kind of thing.

    I mean, the US government wouldn’t tax its own businesses in this way, would they? Oh, sorry! It was a “fine” wasn’t it?

    When US and UK car builders use the same software and the same fuel injection systems… ;-)

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Gemma
    You are aware that VW have admitted they deliberately set out to cheat with their emissions levels. The information is easily found in both Car and Engineering journals which i wouldn’t really class as “mainstream media”
    VW brought this upon themselves, regardless of what other manufacturers are up to.
    The term ‘Fine’ therefore seems perfectly appropriate.


  13. Digby Dog

    “You are aware that VW have admitted they deliberately set out to cheat with their emissions levels”

    Well now, imagine this: the US government giving anybody the choice to disagree with them? These guys are as nice as the government that put a portion of its population in the gas ovens. What could VW do and still trade in the US?

    Could you cite me a source from your various car and engineering journals? Especially German or Japanese ones, which will have a lesser chance of censorship/interference from the above mentioned government…

    But you are right: VW brought it upon themselves. Just like the US government has. The difference is a matter of degree, for VW can go on to making more profits as the second largest car manufacturer in the world. The US won’t be making so much what with most of their car production now in Japanese hands.

    And you can’t go biting them, can you? They might take their production back home… and that’s why VW was a soft target!


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