IMF coming from behind as Abenomics going backwards and driverless cars get a big push from Ford

Chrissymadeye

Fed confused as IMF boss has right ear transplanted onto hand

Yesterday, the IMF issued a warning about China and Japan. No doubt this afternoon they’ll be warning us of their doubts about Fukushima and the Cultural Revolution. I hear that Christine Lagarde also thinks the Ming dynasty is not as all-powerful as its leaders would have us believe.

Speaking for myself, I’d stick my neck out and suggest to Austrian striker Frankie Ferdinand that he should cancel his plans to play in the Sarajevo local derby 102 years ago. I know that one’s really out there, but hey – I’m a wild and crazy bloke.

Meanwhile, back in the 21st century Abenomics go from bad to mad. The dollar has weakened and the Yen strengthened…it’s now broken under a 100 in its dollar relationship, but it was supposed to be going in the other direction. The fact that it isn’t caused exports to crash 14% in the latest figures. Clearly, it’s time for the Bank of Japan to act. Some time around AD2064, LaGarde will take time out from her sunbed to warn that such a move is imminent.

So how will the BoJ act? It’s hard to say on the whole, but I think at this delicate stage of development it would be a mistake for them to act surprised, or the role of Benvolio in Romeo & Juliet. This might harm international confidence.

The US Fed, say sources close to it this morning (aka, its voting members) is “divided and confused”. They’re divided on whether to raise rates or cut rates, and confused about the data, the ramifications, Abenomics and the offside law in soccer. The only certainty left is that everything is Brexit’s fault until further notice – or such time as Brexit is quietly blocked.

But raising or lowering is as nought compared to negative rates, or Nirp. S&P says today that 500M people are already living under Nirp. The crazed pan-Galactic Emperor Nirp escaped last Christmas from a 1930s Saturday matinée, and so far nobody has been able to stop his insane plan to force the Bond gangsters to pay their own yields on top of the purchase price. The two heads of the gang – widely-feared brothers James and Basildon – are said to feel that Nirp is “well artof owdah” and no longer a safe haven so much as a safe in need of some gelignite. The IMF has issued a warning that Flash Gordon wins in the end.

But in a bold move designed to counter the fact that nobody can afford to buy anything nowadays,  Ford CEO Mark Fields yesterday announced that the carmaker was putting “a big push” behind driverless cars. “First of all, I need to make it crystal clear that nobody who opts for the driverless car will have to push it,” he said, adding “but with no drivers coming in to buy our vehicles, the driverless model is a no-brainer. We think there is a gap in the back seat space, primarily for the person who used to be the driver. Customers will quickly grasp how much gas money they stand to save – and the environmental benefits to be had – if their new Ford just sits in the driveway with nobody driving it anywhere”.

The US Fed said it was divided and confused on the issue, but in what is thought to be the start of a new asset-buying programme, the Bank of Japan announced it would purchase every driverless car Ford can make, on the grounds that they are not going anywhere at all for some considerable time. Christine Lagarde warned that the horse-drawn carriage sector now faces “serious problems of over-supply”.


 

12 thoughts on “IMF coming from behind as Abenomics going backwards and driverless cars get a big push from Ford

  1. John
    Just a thought: Did any folk notice the panic of the German official when the live cam fell off the gold winners bike …just before the start?
    He soon got it back on again…………I suspect he comes from the F1 Mercies team………all their vehicles have running, full time data links.

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  2. Oh driverless car will become a reality like it or not, imagine all those transport companies be able to get shot of those greedy lazy drivers, and the insurance companies pushing for it, after all, a driverless car won’t be able to break any speed limits will it? Oh the benefits are enough to make an industrialist wet his nickers..And just think, you can get in your driverless car and go to the pub get pissed and come home in it with impunity, perfick! Bring it on I say..Get shot of those greedy taxi drivers too..

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Kfc1404 like pubs opening 24/7,it will not have the effect people expect! but it will have a great effect,but if neoliberals get there way it will actually be damaging to the economy,most people will be priced out of using them!

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  4. I know it is slightly off topic, but battery cars and hybrids are not as friendly for the enviro mentals because of the weight of the batteries.
    What about this>>>>>>>

    They thought that the Ford Nucleon was a good idea.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When will we be singing this song?

    Hail! Hail!
    The Lagarde’s the in jail
    What the Hell
    Do we care
    We’re the boys who put her there.

    Dong! Dong!
    Her face is long
    She’s a cheating banker
    Loved by all the w**nkers.

    complete as appropriate..

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  6. @JW re the new Abenomics and the equally new offside law in soccer. Does it mean a goalkeeper will no longer be able to touch the ball other than with his feet given his hands will be constantly full of Nirp bonds which his financial advisers have counselled him to purchase with his enormous weekly wage packet at every possible opportunity ?

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  7. I think driverless cars is al part of the great green conspiracy. You see, having driven petrol prices up to £5+ a gallon, they think that this is the perfect ruse to be able to charge £80/MWH or whatever ridiculous price Hinckley Point III is supposed to cost to generate electricity.

    You see, driverless cars will need ‘green energy’ not that evil oil and gas. So we can apply the cost of UK petrol to the price of UK electricity and find a market for ‘uneconomic energy’.

    I’ve not yet asked the question of what it will cost to install a national infrastructure which will take driverless cars safe all over the country. I’m sure Ford and Google haven’t either. They just expect the Government to pay for all that, as it might turn out that driverless cars are as cost-effective as wind turbines in the UK.

    There, I’ve set up my next lobbying assignment for Google, Ford and the electricity infrastructure companies. I’ve provided the next ruse for MPs to get Directorships.

    What I haven’t done is to get some honest government to question whether driverless cars are economic or not.

    Because if I did that, Larry Page and Sergey Brin would call me ‘akin to Bashar al Assad’ in terms of my ‘clear and present danger to Western Values’…..

    Mmm…..

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  8. Well, all amusement and speculation apart, I am seriously hoping that there will be a nice warm, safe driverless car to pick me up from my front door and take me to the pub of my choice where I can sink as many G&T’s as I care to while breaking no drink-driving laws. Ford may be involved but the providers of the car service will need the best reliability that money can buy, and that’s definitely Japanese. Sorry Dearborn.
    just think about it. You will need to plan your day a little in advance, say a couple of hours. You book a car on the internet, it turns up, takes you to wherever you like within a fixed radius and then whizzes off to work for someone else or charge itself up. Upon your agreed return time, the same or another car turns up to take you home. Sounds rather like an electric taxi service! In fact, it is an electric taxi service. Why do we need driverless? I’m not sure while we still have free movement of anyone into the UK. Self driving cars may be fun for nerds but really we have the majority of the service already. So why do people still have cars? Good question, at least in urban areas. Terrible waste of capital. A mere status signal. Something about aversion to spending on fares when the alternative of an owned or leased car appears free at the time of use? Or because we want to be totally independent of public transport. Better taxis, of which Uber is the thin edge of a wedge, are needed. We could easily go down that route. And country publicans would love it.

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