If Damian Green really does want to meet “bright sassy women who know what they want and how to get it”, he’s come to the right place

meglycinessnipAlthough the new DWP Secretary of State Damian Green allegedly once told close colleagues that Theresa May is “an impossible old cow” to work with, he is very much an ally of hers, and has thus been given a chalice full to the brim with hemlock as his reward. They worked together while he was Minister for police, until David Cameron fired him in 2014 for being, um, not very good. Under his stewardship, the UK police force image went from bad to worse.

So Waspi ladies – already stunned by growing evidence of bizarre behaviour by Queen Wasp Anne Kent – seem to have been given another incompetent nitwit with whom to deal. Further, he also seems to be something of an anti-social Tory with alleged hanky-panky form that is all too familiar to those of us trying to reverse The Great Pension Robbery.

Here’s a summary list of Damian’s voting record on welfare issues:


Clearly, Mr Green has quite a few red lines to his name. He’s also had a red face from time to time. The late and greatly unlamented Craven Stabb was something of a text boy: but last year it was alleged that Damo Green wanted to be esexy.

Last August, emails leaked from adultery website Ashley Madison were released online by FOI group Impact, who are keen on revealing ‘cheating dirtbags’. Among them was the private email address of Damian Green.

Mr Green I’m so Clean denied having anything to do with it, claiming that it might be “an old AOL address” he never uses any more.

But a couple of the established facts remain uncomfortable for the new Minister for Mugging Pensioners.

  1. The IP address was from a genuine  Parliamentary computer in 2007 to register with the cheaters’ site.
  2. One of the security questions was Mr Green’s mother’s maiden name – spelt correctly.

The user profile gushed, “I would love to meet and pamper a bright sassy woman who knows what she wants and how to get it. I’m looking for some NSA [no strings attached] fun with a woman who has sparkling eyes, a lively sense of fun and an ache for some really good sex.”

Oh blimey, here we go again.

Perhaps – perhaps not: it could well be that Green’s details were harvested by ID scammers. But if so, what was an ID scammer doing with physical access to a Secretary of State’s Commons computer? One for MI6, maybe? It’d be good to know.

In November 2009, while in Opposition, Green was arrested and held by the Metropolitan Police for nine hours. His offices in Kent, the Houses of Parliament and his home were also searched. The police said they arrested Mr Green on suspicion of “conspiring to commit misconduct in a public office” and “aiding and abetting, counselling or procuring misconduct in a public office”.

Damian Green is a former journalist, so he would have had form in that area. A junior Home Ofice official, Christopher Galley, passed on information to Mr Green, having been arrested ten days earlier. It appears that neither man denied the charge, and the HoC enquiry did say later that Home Office pinched goblins had “exaggerated” the seriousness of the leaked information.

But clearly, Green was trying to gain political advantage from the leaks; and he remains the only MP in British history to have been arrested on such a charge. Equally odd, we’ve never been told what the leaks were about. However, I was told at the time that the leak involved real levels of UK immigration.

But not at all odd is the fact that the CPS didn’t prosecute either man, and the whole affair faded gently away into the ether of privilege. Well I never.

While Those Who Will Not See are almost certainly poised to lick Green all over and beg politely for some gruel from the trough, for real destitute SPA victims, this appointment is not a cause for celebration. Rather, it’s just another bullet-headed bloke who always votes the way he’s told.

The Waspis continue to win hearts. But at the same time, they are losing patience with a Government that can’t discern the wind direction….and a leader who seems more concerned with internal security obsessions than external results.