The Tapioca Factor, & why Stephen Crabb has it


Beginning The Slog’s new series on the Leadership candidates vying to be lower than mediocre by being tapioca.

meglycinessnipHaving just turfed out an overpromoted idiot who pretended to be eurosceptic, hands up all those who want the new Tory leader to be overpromoted already, and a full-on EUnatic? No show of hands? Well that rules Stephen Crabb out.

Craven Stab is married to a French lady. Nothing wrong with that: my first wife was Scottish, and my second Welsh. I’m well cosmopolitan: I live in France, eat snails, pee by the road. No Little Englander me.

Mrs Stab is actually called Béatrice Monnier, and she is the top wally working for the Welsh office of Alliance Française. The four-storey centre in Cardiff’s Charles Street hosts French language courses for adults and children, screens French films with subtitles, showcases French culture and gastronomy, and houses a cafe as well as a members’ bar majoring on French wine.

So it’s all about being French and holidaying in France and buying French things and generally adding to our trade deficit with the EU. Sorry; a bit petty that. But notable is an absence of any mention anywhere in the Alliance of what an illegally vindictive little Emergency Powers-wielding prat the French President is. François Hollande had this to say last weekend after British voters dared to defy the European Union:


Alliance Francaise is a French NGO that declares itself ‘dedicated to spreading French language and Francophone culture’. It is the biggest network of its kind worldwide, with 850 establishments in 136 countries on all five continents. Each year, 500,000 people, of all ages, attend Alliances Françaises to learn French, and more than 6 million people are affiliated to it in one form or another.

So if your missus is in the business of being a big wheel in the second biggest wheel in the European Bunion, it’s highly likely – if only for a quiet life at home – that you’re going to be Europhile. But that’s not what Crabb’s publicists are trying to get across:

His pitch for the Conservative leadership (they say) is straightforward: the EU referendum represented a revolt by people who feel left behind by politics and the political Establishment. It will take somebody who, like so many of those who voted Leave, understands what it is to start life with few advantages to bring the country back together again.

Except that Stephen didn’t vote Leave. He voted full-bloodedly to Remain.

Speaking to the BBC’s Wales Report with Huw Edwards in May 2015, the minister said he wanted to make the case for Britain to remain part of the EU.

“Being a member of the European Union is a huge strategic advantage,” said Monsieur Stabb, “The big prize we’re talking about is, of course, access to the single market, and Welsh business is a huge winner from that. We do need to have a debate in Wales, and there will be a referendum… there are some big discussions to be had. But I’m clear that we want to go into that referendum, on the back of a successful renegotiation, where we have delivered a reformed relationship between the UK and the EU… arguing the case for Britain to stay in the EU.”

It’s fairly clear from the drivel above that Stephen’s lack of prescience is what most forcefully pushes him down below mediocre and into tapioca. There will be a successful renegotiation he said (wrong) and then a confirmation of our commitment to the EU (wrong) and access to the single market is a big prize (wrong). There was a nothing negotiation after which we voted to leave….and I suspect our huge trade deficit with the EU had a lot to do with that.

But now (his blurb says) he is the man to unite the country around a new path. Along with his francophone promoting wife, and his extensive network of Remaindeers in the Conservative Party….and his complete lack of any experience in uniting anyone.

Wull, ah mean, coooorse ‘e is innee? I mean, stanz ter reason dunnit?

For he is a man from an underprivileged background, who sympathises with the struggles of the less well off, and loves to heal social wounds. That’s why – a mere three weeks into his job at the Department of Work and Pensions – he had this to say about women born in the 1950s having their promised payout snatched away:

“These [WASPI] women were only surprised because they’ve been breezing through life not thinking… I think it’s irresponsible of anyone in this House of Commons to try to pretend and lead these women on into thinking that somehow there’s an easy decision to be made, that’s just fiscally impossible. Any decision to row back now – who would pay for that? You’re back to asking younger people to shoulder more of a fiscal burden.”

As an example of lies about where the money went (to civil service pensions), insensitive comments about an entire generation of mothers, and setting the young at the throats of the old, that statement would be hard to beat.

Let’s face it, Stephen Crabb and the fragrant Béatrice are Tapioca. Full of balls (if she’s got a fulltime job as the Alliance Française grand fromage in Wales, why are we paying her salary to be his constituency secretary?) glutinously wobbly on direction, and not something anyone from Far Right to Hard Left would ever want on a political menu. And finally, Stab is developing into something of a pudding:


Yes, Stefano Crabbelli has got The Tapioca Factor. We dismiss him as a serious Tory Leadership contender….but commend him as a target for Waspi women hacked off with clowns who can’t even steer clear of corruption – let alone follow a moral compass.

Earlier at The Slog: Is Tom Peck at the Indie a Tomtit?

34 thoughts on “The Tapioca Factor, & why Stephen Crabb has it

  1. Ever since he came to prominence Crabb looks, talks and conducts himself in the manner of the duplicitous culture he grew out of, he is another man of politics who will blow in the wind of opinion in the same way as Scameron, bereft of true conviction.

    Nothing he does or says rings true, I will never support him or anything he does.

    Liked by 6 people

  2. Yes Crabb doesn’t sound too good, not going to be a serious contender. Just been listening to Gove on W@1, he comes over a lot better on radio when I’m not tempted to compare him to a caricature on a pack of happy family’s playing cards, ironic likeness considering HoC’s squabbles.
    Am on record of distrusting BJ at first, thought he was going to swap sides at the last minute and cut the legs out from under us, maybe Cox’s murder made that unnecessary. When we won I warmed to him again only to doubt him again when he went into foot dragging mode. The email of Gove’s wife didn’t seem to me anything to get steamed up about, maybe it was just thee straw BJ was looking for to grasp.
    I think neither Cameron or BJ expected us to win, both were left with an unexpected hot potatoe. Cameron was OK, his out was, I lost so I’ll resign. BJ however was stuck with it hence his low mood after winning, and quick to pass the buck now.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dave?

    Dave Cameron?

    C’mon Dave, 1) YOU, and noone else are Prime Minister presently.

    2) There is NO bloody constitution here, NONE.

    Am I right so far?

    “Indeed. So far so good.”

    Then get on with it man and call “bullshit” on this whole lot. Go on Dave. Tell them it’s return of Mad Cow or something of that nature. But call “bullshit” already man. They shoot horses, don’t they?


  4. Thank you John, I didn’t like him from the minute he walked through the door and continued where IDS left off.

    I’m posting this everywhere today!
    What a world. 😔

    Also getting seriously mad about all this ageism. It was working people – including women – who contributed to the coffers for all those student grants that came after them when they themselves never had the chance as many had to leave school in their teens to work and contribute to the home. One young person was extremely angry about leaving the EU because “the EU paid for my year abroad.” I wonder would he have felt the same had he been conscripted into their new EU army? There really is no free lunch!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Well, I think in order to stay sane you have to see inconsistency and being two-faced as a necessary component of today’s politicians .

    It appears to be the role of today’s ‘journalists’ to display First World War generalship worthy of sacrificing a generation of young men at the Somme, when giving political advice right now.

    I am most grateful to (a Slog-like website of disaffected Grauniad readers worldwide which prizes the SANCTITY OF FACTS) for highlighting the intellectual genius of Zoe Williams (education: Godolphin & Latymer School, Hammersmith (that’s where Roman Abramovitch sent his daughter) and Oxford) in giving new advice for an autumn 2016 General Election:

    ‘If you voted for Brexit: VOTE CONSERVATIVE!’

    For someone in the luvvie-land of North London right-on politically correct New Labour EU-topia, this is quite hysterical.

    She has just told all the downtrodden Labour voters of the NE, Yorkshire, the West Midlands, plenty of the NW and S Wales to stick two fingers up at the Labour Party, say F**K OFF and, I suspect, go and vote UKIP (as it is UKIP who has courted them the past 4 years, not the Conservatives).

    I do hope this gets the sort of publicity it deserves: I would love to watch fulminating Blair-ites like Aaronovitch at the Times, Mandelson, Campbell, Blair-Witch himself, Hattie Harman, all the titans of the intellectual woman’s Political Party foaming at the mouth as one of their over-educated wimmin just hands 4 million votes to UKIP without a thought to the consequences…….

    I really must get to grips with my rampaging development of emotional schadenfreude – quite why such reprehensible thoughts are emerging in me aged 51 when they should have emerged aged about 12 and disappeared by about 16 is beyond me.

    But I’m sure it’s got something to do with finally starting to see the demise of the most bullshitting tribe of cocooned verbal prostitutes, who are currently showing the world quite what you get from an education that cost 20 times what it must have cost to educate you, Mr Ward…..

    Liked by 3 people

  6. No RAC, I felt exactly the same as you for exactly the same reasons in exactly the same order. ☺

    Jeez, I really like Boris too, he has so many good qualities that would have been certainly interesting (though maybe not the gravitas for PM lol but you never know; one thing his premiership would never have been is dull!) I was really hoping all along he meant what he was saying; what a disappointment when his first words were that we’d find a way to stay in… Christ no! that’s the last thing we want, especially now with EU March deadline, we need Article 50 invoked yesterday!


  7. RAC: “I think neither Cameron or BJ expected us to win..”

    When he went to bed before the result was even announced, had to be woken at 4am and sat stunned out of his tree while his wife said, “You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!”, think you’re right.. but then the whole country was, including we Brexiters lol!


  8. Crabb is just another self-service expert with a thicker than average exoskeleton who swapped his moral compass for a pair of dividers in the name of opportunism; he will inevitably be walking sideways before any leadership election is concluded. As far as tapioca is concerned, it’s worth remembering that although often considered the very epitome of blandness it contains significant quantities of cyanide which can negatively affect wellbeing if not removed during it’s preparation.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. John, what do you think of Nadine Dorries tweet that Gideon is behind the Gove thing? Is she right or is this merely more Machiavellian machinations? (And try saying that when you’ve had a few!)


  10. Tapioca – not quite a 10 but close to, 10 being I run out the door so maybe I will shuffle my feet a bit but still walking to that dam door so I give it an 8. Also I keep 2 places higher for now, they will roll up somebody else next, maybe a few. Cripes maybe I should have just started at 1 for all the increasingly tapioca ones that follow,

    Stephen Crabb – measure the man by his actions and deeds? Has he done any … that’s the question and were they good or bad. In this world their are a whole variety of people … Looked at what he was potraying on his website and it just appears to be a front company to evade taxes to me, could be wrong but I doubt it.

    Any leader needs to recognise what parliamentary sovereignty means … everything they mention, to do this, do that it can all be reversed by another parliament. Hence if it is not good for the majority like staying in the EU we may as well walk away and we can.

    Right now there is not one that sits in parliament on any side that I reckon is any good and why I would prefer a general election to see if we can find someone. It would help loads … so from Camerons create stability by not allowing a vote of confidence in parliament we now have persistant instabilitiy.

    We are sovereign, the 5 year rule can be overturned put back to the way it was … love it.

    @Hieronimusb – can we increase the cyanide dose? Actually skip the tapioca pure cyanide will do.


  11. Liz727
    18-25 years olds have been in tears, sobbing about the elderly destroying their futures. A pity then that barely 30 per cent of them could be arsed to get out bed and vote whilst over 80% of the over 65’s rocked their Zimmers down to the polling stations.
    In the 60’s, when us lot were hippies, we managed to travel and work around Europe. We went to the trouble of getting a visa.
    Anyone who wants a 2nd referendum should be struck off the electoral register as they obviously don’t understand what democracy is.
    Anyway, I want my old blue passport back.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. George Osborne has abandoned his long-held goal of reaching a surplus in the UK’s public finances by the end of the decade.
    In a speech in Manchester, the chancellor said that the government needs to be “realistic”, given the uncertainty generated by the decision to leave the EU.
    To paraphrase an earlier slogpost:
    “They’ve ruined everything I’ve achieved over the last six years. This is a democracy and I am proud of that fact, but all the hard work this Government has done to miss every deficit target, add 50% to the National Debt, shrink the manufacturing sector and reduce wage levels and hours worked will now come to nothing.”


  13. KJH

    Pity the poor dears couldn’t save some of their tears for the destitute and starving older women and vulnerable folk.

    A post recommending a good kicking for Crabb on the WASPI Facebook page, left two days ago, has yet to be published. How very dare us plebs interrupt the righteous indignation of those who would deny our very existence.


  14. Have truly never seen anything like it.

    The media, politicians and the elites. How sad. You just cannot make up what we’re seeing. I’ve never seen so many tit’s and arses on the television.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Professional politicians ahoy!

    Talk like they are rehearsing in the mirror at all times. The nest is in Brussels, they need to go, I am heartily sick of these disgraceful clones, they offend my eyes like never before and I’m sure I am not alone.

    Liked by 3 people

  16. This is a post I put on the Irishmans sight regarding one of their own two faced media turds

    Re (what an ignorant dangerous Knt).
    I have just had a 7 day holiday to the South Coast of England. I was some what alarmed on the coach going down to note that most of the folk were 55 plus, some having visible physical impediments.
    The morning the Brexit result was known most folk entering the large breakfast room made a victory salute of one form or another.
    The rough analysis of their comments “the young may stand a chance now”! But watch them start cranking up the PC bolloks, they are not going to let go of the mega remuneration they get from Brux without a vicious fight.
    Some what heartened I decided to break a promise not to talk politics on holiday………….
    Wow! I did not get a chance to kick things off. The majority of the codgers had spent a more than full life………Army nurses/ field engineers installing plant in Russia/ NS man who had spent time in Malaya jungle in the late 50s. He in fact came home on the same tub I did mid 50s (the troop ship Orwell.. is that irony full on?)…He said he was talked into going on a cruise one year and it was as bad as the Orwell in bad weather. The ship was met with a fleet of ambulances at one port so many had been injured….never again!
    The hotel guests included a pair of ancient rock and roll fans recovering from heart and kidney a replacement. I have never been on a holiday before with so many alert and full of experience folk.
    Another thing I found out, some like I had pension contributions lifted and spirited away! Nearly all I found, were having to help out the young.
    Bognor ,in my opinion is in the process of being degraded on the other hand the Worthing seafront is as I remember it in the late 40s, many clean art deco buildings, It was the first resort to recover from WW2 .


  17. ps if the national debt was 50% than when they came to power it would at most be £1.1t and people wonder why were in a economic mess!


  18. I see the mendacious Bliar is angling to help the Brexit negotiations. I wonder what his percentage will be? Can this fiasco get any worse? Who wiil rid us of this pestilent politician?

    Liked by 3 people

  19. notes on Crabb:
    He is a controversial figure, with links to gay-cure organisation CARE, where he was an intern. He also voted against same-sex marriage in 2013, citing his dedication to his Christian faith.

    CARE (Christian Action Research and Education) has in the past sponsored events calling gay and bisexual people ‘broken’ and promoting the idea of remedies to help them become ‘ex-gay’.

    Addressing this he has said: ‘We had that debate in the last Parliament about gay marriage. I voted the way I did but i’m very happy with the outcome that issue is now settled, we move on from it.

    Opposition to homosexuality, abortion and prostitution
    Labour Party insiders credited CARE with significant influence in support of Section 28 regarding education and homosexuality.[7][11] CARE has received media criticism for its stance on abortion and homosexuality and was accused in 2000 by MP Ben Bradshaw of being “a bunch of homophobic bigots”.[12][13] CARE has also been criticised for their opposition to abortion and gay rights by The Guardian which reported that the organisation sponsored a conference claiming homosexuality could be cured.[14]

    CARE have funded the network of CareConfidential crisis pregnancy centres in the UK, some of which came under criticism in an investigation by The Daily Telegraph when counsellors were filmed undercover claiming abortions would increase chances of breast cancer and could predispose women to becoming child sexual abusers.[15]

    CARE are listed in the UK Parliament’s register of all-party groups as the secretariat of the All-party parliamentary group (APPG) on Prostitution and the Global Sex Trade, a pressure group to encourage ‘government action to tackle individuals who create demand for sexual services’.[16]

    In 2015 CARE backed a private member’s bill to prohibit the advertising of prostitution,[17] the Advertising of Prostitution (Prohibition) Bill 2015-16, which was introduced by Lord McColl of Dulwich in the House of Lords.[18]

    ‘I’m absolutely committed to create a tolerant decent society for everybody regardless of background, regardless of their sexuality. That is not an issue in this leadership campaign.’

    MPs’ expenses scandal[edit]
    During the 2009 parliamentary expenses scandal, it was reported that Crabb had claimed £8,049 for refurbishments to his flat in London that were carried out from July 2006. He sold the flat the following year and switched his second home expenses to the house he had recently bought for his family in Pembrokeshire, allowing him to claim back £9,300 in stamp duty and £1,325 a month in mortgage interest for almost a year – while designating another London flat he was renting with a fellow MP as his main home. Crabb said in response: “I haven’t claimed for things like plasma TVs, even though the rules allow it. My claims were always within the letter and the spirit of the rules”.[19]

    Liked by 2 people

  20. KJH – ref. blue passport .. I still have my old one (diagonally cut across one corner by some cruel HMG functionary) and I look at that fresh faced youngster, still long-haired – but not for long pending my army medical at Tidworth Military Hospital, and full of innocence. The innocence didn’t last long :-)

    Could I also pitch in for a return to Imperial measurements? Some years ago my daughter was berating me for not being more up-to-date and accepting that the metric system was the inexorable way forward. I asked, gently, how tall she was and she snapped back, “Five foot four – what’s that got to do with anything?”. Her foolish ole Dad smiled to himself and tottered off towards the decanter … it’s not too late.


  21. Say what you like, the English have the best hooligans but we Welsh have the best singers! We’re there purely for the craic.


  22. It’s a pity Farage isn’t an MP at the moment. Here’s a good interview, it’s a few days old but you may not have seen it.


  23. @ Caratacus 7:41 pm Still got mine too, intact.
    Pity M.F. disintegrated this debate would have been meat and drink.


  24. Caractacus – we’ve already started here in Bavaria. debating how low to cut the hedge she said “20 centimetres”. “No” I corrected her, “It is 8 inches”.

    I shall set myself up as the British Amabassador to the Kingdom of Bavaria.


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