An open letter to Stephen Crabb

meglycinessnipKeen Slogger Lottie Garonne – Waspie pensioner and destitute expat – has cc’d me on this harrowing tale of how her faith in the United Kingdom has been destroyed by the irresponsible decision of just 52% of Britons to leave the EU….and thus completely bugger up the basis of her idyllic and much deserved retirement based on a cheap euro. If this doesn’t make Brexiteering bastards examine their consciences, then nothing will.

Below is a genuine facsimile of Lottie’s open letter to DWP boss Stephen Crabb MP:

Dear Mr Crabb

I just wanted to drop you a line and say that although I want a little bit of my pension back pretty please, I do not hold with all this foul rudeness condemning your justifiable attempts to make ends meet by minimising your tax exposure what with a growing family to think about. I’m sure you are a very busy man, and I look forward one day in due course to a civilised negotiation on the subject of perhaps getting 10 pence in the Pound back if that isn’t too much to ask.

Knowing as I do that you voted loyally to stay in the European Union (despite 70% of your ignorant countrymen unwisely turning the option down) I feel sure that this letter will meet with a sympathetic response from you, a genuinely committed Christian.

Mr Crabb, I don’t know what to do. I’m lonely little expat Lottie down here among strange and vindictive French people. I went down to the bakery this morning after learning of the Brexiteers effrontery, and John Snowballs wasn’t there – nor were there any crying 6th formers. There really are no certainties any more.
That George Osborne so well-meaning and his poor wife, what with the whiplashes and nose-powdering she must be beside herself why did all these nasty Brexiteers have to go and ruin things when it was all going so well?
I had a socialist friend round for lunch and she said “I hear Osborne’s about to resign NOW LOOK WHAT THOSE BREXINAZIS HAVE DONE”. That puzzled me as only last week even though she’s a vegan pacifist she said he should be publicly hung and his entrails eaten by the Labour National Executive which would’ve been tricky anyway as none of them eat meat either.
Not only did UKIP murder that poor Jo Cox, but they’ve compounded the crime by showing what scumbigot racenazis they are. I feel it my duty to resign from something, because everyone else is doing it…93 members of the Shadow Cabinet, Mr Cameldung himself and all those nice people who did such a great job of bringing home a piece of bacon rind in our time in April. But I don’t know whether to resign from the Liberal Democrats, the BBC or my post as Head of PR at HSBC. Do you know, until I took the job I thought Baron Green was on the Piccadilly line.
The Pound fell to parity with the Zimbabwean Remnimbi this morning and that can only do harm to lots of hardworking ordinary families who voted to Remain in all good faith. How let down they must all feel.
I was just listening to Radio Seven Dead, and they were saying that Osborne has come out as Georgina Osnée, a cross-dressing Belgian paedophile sometimes I wonder how these Brexiteer vandals can live with themselves to cause such heartache.
What should I do Mr Crabb? Like you, I voted with my wallet, and this is the thanks I get.
Sincerely
Lottie Garonne

18 thoughts on “An open letter to Stephen Crabb

  1. Really Johzn mein Prinz — Lottie Garonne ? Is that truly a nom de plume for you? Are feeling hard done by liebchen? Would you lile Mutti to arrive in her personal Panzer at Lor et Garonne and take you for a ride on her ” Valkyrie” ??

    Liked by 1 person

  2. and in the news, a resignation letter of a Labour cabinet member; Dear Jeremy; We understand plague has broken out around you and must, for the sake of the ________ retire. Blank copies can be found online @careerenders.uk.
    Poder

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  3. Brilliant, JW. I am going to find and play The Goon Show in which Eccles says “I resign”. Some mirth is called for at the end of a strange few days.

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  4. Gee, thanks Lotte. It’s so much fun to know you’re a metaphorical character. Thanks for participating in the risiblely obscure rantings of the one big leader of this blog… All clap hands for John. The surreal Kim Ad Whatever South Park oh luk poor dead people. Funny how even a basic attempt to write a repost fails.

    Sorry Lotte. John is determined to make any form of leftist ideology culturally “demanding”, so he is ignorant of your influence on his massively demanding presence on we Europeans. Thanks John, so happy to participate in your relocated critique. I’d probably be nicer to you if you weren’t such a selfish demagogic twit. Your critiques of Johnson and Corbyn were relative, accurate even, but your 193 reasons for Brexit had few hopes for the abandoned ” Leninspart” left to chose. Should the disenfranchise having too little capital to enter right to buy argue for a.. What

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  5. @Nic Lane

    Within 3 days the world you and I both know changes rather dramatically you watch. Remember my name because from this blog if you had been quicker the wolves would not have ripped the heart out of your EU. Too slow … when you realise I look forward to meeting you again to say “told you so”.

    Looking forward to it. I reckon by Thursday / Friday latest and referendums are not going to happen and puff, the article 50 vanished like a magicians trick.

    You need to move quickly now, discover the secret and then let your masters know.

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  6. John Ward. Why don’t you and Lottie get together, lock yourselves in the bedroom somewhere and throw the key away.
    I think you would get on famously, thereby giving a win for you both, and a very long holiday for us from your illogical disingenuous fat egotistical RUBBISH SCRIBBLING that only serves to damage further MY GREAT COUNTRY that you love to KICK SO MUCH to the amusement of the other REPTILE EXPATS that inhabit this dark poison filled hole.

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  7. Nic Lane/Donny

    There are more than 17 million reasons in our great country to suggest that you are both wrong. Trolls are not new here and don’t tend to last very long. Reasoned debate is always welcome, ad hominem ranting doesn’t count.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Dear Mr Crabb

    Pull yer effin’ finger art!

    PS PYEFAing does NOT, repeat NOT, mean running for Prime Minister…….

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  9. I have never been so proud to be British. Not Welsh (which I am) but British. Our generation (I’m almost 50) needs to tell the younger fluffy safe spacers to switch off their smartphones for a moment and teach them what is what. When one of them lectures you on “EUnity” and “gender equality” ask them which nationality and gender those coffins are which arrive in Wooton Basset overnight from Iraq and Afghanistan.. Male and British. Same also applies across the pond of course.

    I now walk a centimetre taller, no sod it, half an inch, bring all that back! :)

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