SATURDAY SILLIES: Kitty Spencer, Sir Philip Green, Wolfgang Schäuble, Recep Erdogan, Muhammed Ali and Jack Johnson

 Spencers, expenses, ex-spooks, vexed Receps, ex-boxers and sex with white women

mesnipThe Daily Telegraph tells us this morning that Princess Diana’s niece Kitty Spencer is moving to South Africa ‘in order to escape the spotlight’. A suitably engaging picture is included to ensure she tiptoes briefly into the limelight before heading south. Polyfilla journalism strikes again.

kittyUntil today, I’d never heard of Ms Spencer, so it wasn’t entirely wise of Kitty to approach the press. Now she’ll have to escape to South Africa to avoid the 2000 watt spotlight switched on to help her escape the spotlight that wasn’t there. On the other hand, it is quite possible that Kitty wanted some limelight and thought that this piece would get her some. Judging by her looks, I’d say it most certainly will.

Meanwhile, Fillizboots Green has reacted to Frank Field’s entirely outrageous suggestion that he should sell a yacht or three in order to give the BHS pensioners back the money he ‘took out of’ BHS between 2002 and 2015. Sir Phil Mywallet has written Mr Field a letter insisting that he stand down on the grounds of bias.

Clearly, he wouldn’t like it if I was on the committee, because my suggestion would be rather less informal than Frank’s. Mine would be a little more obligatory, involving keys, thick metal doors, and a voice over saying “Philip Nigel Green, you are an habitual thief who apparently believes he is above the Law. You will go to jail for 237 years”. But of course I’d have to know more about the facts first. Allegedly.

creosoteWhat a fat, pompous and altogether vulgar turd he is. And what a senior donor he has been to the Conservative Party during the reign of King Dodgy of Camerlot. Yet another snout in the pensions trough along with 60,000 Sir Humphreys. Yet another grubby friend in the Spineron Circle.

Perhaps we should feed him to some destitute WASPI women. Right now, they’ll eat anything that’s going.

wolfieThe most wanted news for most Europeans at the moment would be the revelation that Wolfgang Schäuble intends to go to South Africa by wheelchair, there to join Kit-e-Kat Spencer out of the spotlight. But das Wolfierollstuhl is not going anywhere beyond Europe at this crucial hour. After its service at Zweiräderbehindertsinduns GmbH, the Schäublerachewaffe has been returned to its owner….and not a moment too soon.

The story so far: Plans for the mass British breakout from Colditz are well advanced, but Fiskalunion Übersturmbannführerüberallesinordnungstrengepolizeispook Ausgang Schaubild has heard from Agent Ostborn that all is not going well in the Bleibenübriglager.

Ignoring threats from Mutti to halt’s Maul Mensch, Wolfie went public yesterday with Threat #379(b):

“We shall require the country to abide by the rules of a club from which it currently wants to withdraw. If the majority in Britain opts for Brexit, that would be a decision against the single market. In is in. Out is out. Europe will also work without Britain if necessary. At some point, the British will realise they have taken the wrong decision. And then we will accept them back one day, if that’s what they want. Then they will have to join the queue for the showers”.

I made the last sentence up. But you get the drift: the usual Schäuble mix of bitchy bullying and patronising bollocks.

Speaking yesterday evening, the CEOs of BMW, Mercedes and Volkswagen said that since his outburst, Herr Schnitzel had gone mad and flown to Scotland by sea. A full air-sea operation is under way to ensure that the German Finance Minister really has perished, and that silver bullets will not be necessary.

It is, sadly, a reality that archetypal Germans like Schäuble still exist. In the face of overwhelming evidence that ClubMed austerity is a crock and France is not remotely interested in joining in, he continues on to disaster. Similarly, in the light of equally compelling evidence that foreigners poking their noses in – alongside Camerlot scare stories – are handing the referendum to Leave, he pokes his foreign nose in with a scare story.

He’s an ignorant bigot whose knowledge of fiscal economics has no training in his life whatsoever to back his ‘judgement’. And he is slated to be Numero Uno in the Fiskal Union to come. It makes Federica Mogherini being given control of a NATO euroarmy seem like undiluted genius by comparison.

Talking of ignorant bigots, everyone should Join The World. No, really – they should. Muhammed Ali saw himself as a citizen of the world, and the world rightly came to his funeral. The only downside is that one is them is going to be Recep Erdogan, especially if you’re a Muslim. Yup, these days it’s “Join the world and see Recep Erdogan”.

I’m so old now, I remember Ali when he was Cassius Clay, the Louisville Lip. I first saw him at the 1960 Olympics, and in his Final there, I quickly formed the mistaken opinion that there was a blur where his legs should be. He was actually pretty objectionable in those days, but becoming a Muslim made him a better person. Muhammed Ali was, without doubt, the greatest boxer who has ever lived, but his religion gave him a depth and humour that turned him into a fearless ambassador of peace in Vietnam, the triumphant winner of da rumble in da jungle, and a bewildering radiator of the idea, “Whatever you wanne be, you can be”. Few people inspire like Ali did. Beside him, Obama is nothing. I mean literally, nothing.

alifuneralBut sadly, Islam comes with baggage. And Erdo the Mad is one entire left-luggage office of baggage. During Ali’s funeral, Recep decided it wasn’t ‘proper’ and began to get a little loud in his observations. Five very broad black persons shaped like a 1950s fridge requested that he sit down “an’ shut de f**k up”. As one of them was allegedly Frank Tyson, you have never seen a dictator sit down so immediately. It was like watching the fastest draw in the West: “You wanna see it again?”

When black boxers retire, rather than being tempted back into the ring by a big purse, they should be snapped up by those trying to keep Turkey’s leader in the small box he so richly deserves. It’d be a win-win really, because they’d suffer no brain damage, and we’d get to suffer Recep Erodgan’s infantile megalomania a lot less.

This wouldn’t just be a triumph of brawn over bigot. Black boxers often fight their way out of racism by demonstrating great intellect. If Muhammed Ali was The Greatest, Jack Johnson was the bravest. He became World Champion in an America still convinced that sharing the same toilet with de black folks was a recipe for Communist revolution and unspeakable disease. As for black men having sex with white women….well. I mean, please: there are ladies present.

Jack Johnson spent a lifetime enjoying the pleasures of – and clearly giving great pleasure to – white women from Atlanta to Zanzibar. This made him such a figure of hate, one day he was accosted in the street by three KKK seniors who taunted him. They demanded to know what “white women might see in a Niggra”. Turning slowly to tower over them, Johnson said:

“It is simple, gentlemen….we black men eat raw eels and think distant thoughts”

Bear in mind here, he said this half a century before anyone had ever heard of Monty Python’s Flying Circus. It’s been in my top ten Things I Wish I’d Said ever since I learned about it last year.

Enjoy the rest of Saturday.

Yesterday at The Slog: Blatant censorship enters the Referendum debate

17 thoughts on “SATURDAY SILLIES: Kitty Spencer, Sir Philip Green, Wolfgang Schäuble, Recep Erdogan, Muhammed Ali and Jack Johnson

  1. Last week I read that the Prime Minister had been drumming up big-wig support for the Remain camp by offering honours and today it was reported that he has used today’s Queen’s birthday honours to dish out gongs to at least 20 business chiefs and luvvies backing his campaign to keep Britain in the EU.
    What a shameless piece of work he is.

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  2. I would actually go further and suggest what a shapeless piece of sh*t he is. (Sorry if there are ladies present, myself included.)

    Is he actually trying to sabotage the Remain campaign, which after all is trying to fight the charge of EU membership being undemocratic? Or is it yet another opportunity simply to hand out hand-ups to future sources of income when (pretty soon) he is going to be free of the shackles of the 9 – 5?

    Jeezsh.

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  3. Ali was the distraction on one of his memorable fights which allowed some enterprising individuals to steal thousands of records from an FBI office, some detailing illegal Government surveillence.

    Things never change………

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  4. Football has to be one of the next big scare stories, something on the lines of ‘If we Brexit we can’t play in Europe’ or something as equally silly but, laughing aside, if they could come up with a decent line about the damage Brexit could do to football as a whole….it would probably sway a great deal of voters….

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  5. @kfc pretty certain they tried saying that EU players wouldn’t be able to play in English teams if we left the EU…
    Needless to say – got torn apart in the blogosphere and GB + Twitter in minutes.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just to set the record straight Ali joined the Nation of Islam in 1964 but the Nation of Islam was not in fact Muslim. It was a quasi religion founded in Detroit in 1930 that was really a social/political organization dedicated to what might be called black separatism. It maintained some trappings of Islam but was not really a religion at all. In 1975 Ali officially adopted Sunni Islam as his religion. I have not investigated to what extent Ali was a practitioner of Sunni Islam or his membership in any churches.

    At any rate this distinction between the Nation of Islam and Sunni Islam is lost on most people. It probably makes little difference but most people associate the pre 75 Ali with Islam but in the early days of his name change he was not Muslim at all in any real sense. His association with the Nation was based upon rejection of and opposition to of all sorts of social/political norms of America including Christianity. Membership in the Nation was not so much adopting a new religion but rejection of the old one, Christianity.

    To drone on, the most famous Nation member was Malcolm X the radical civil rights figure but he left that group and was eventually assassinated by Nation members in 1965. How Ali viewed all this I don’t know.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Dear Me: I am old enough to remember the Cassius Clay / Sonny Liston fight. My dad used to box and some of my uncles also, so we were all watching. No-one was convinced that the tap Cassius delivered to Sonny felled him. If I remember, just before he died Sonny Liston admitted that he had been told to take a fall in that match. Back then the US boxing scene was corrupt.

    Mo was a genius but flawed – see his Uncle Tom comments about George Foreman and treatment of his wives. Needless to say his humanity was overlooked by The BBC in their rush to laud anything that smacks of the diversity.

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  8. I like Ali he had principles and reckon that says alot more about him than most people alive today. Watch a repeat of his fights then ignore the punches look how he moved when being hit … awsome inverse square law as you are being hit move an inch and remove a hell of alot of hurt.

    Back to serious stuff Corbyn on the gee you up for BREMAIN! Where did being in actually change anything if you accept the status quo. That bit and people like him are becoming annoying, you change nothing accepting when the attitude shoud be “if you don’t make it democratic and economically accountable we are leaving”. for decades now we have been promised change by the EU and we have had nothing on the above … zilcho … big 0 on change and that is now ALL OF THE PROBLEM.

    I can draft legislation up so some criminal can molest children or not but I can’t do anything about the democracy and economic accountabilty why is that? See that was appeasement without giving up tyranny but what I ask for and they can’t give is the removal of tyranny.

    Gimme a bone to stay in please … but old mother Merkels cupboard was bare, Junkers is just another tyrant think Erdogan with nicer suits and as for Schauble … wish the looney had completed his mission and probably so do many Greeks.

    Give in … they won’t change Corbyn you plonker so you are either with them or against them there is no other option.

    That’s my daily rant … ty for being nice about it :-) but in a democracy I am all ears because a debate has to have an issue and 80% of BT dog owners wanted out, so does 80% of BT cat owners, drug addicts the lot if you are part of BT the magic number for self determination is 80%. There finished … night all .. sleep well :-)

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  9. Regardless of the economic pain Britain caused her Commonwealth when she joined the EU 40 years ago, I’d wager that if or when the Britain does leave the EU her Commonwealth will come to her assistance, because that’s what families do. Britain will have willing trading partners in New Zealand, Australia, India, Canada, Nigeria etc etc that will step into any gaps left by a petulant EU. You just wait and see!

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  10. So can somebody tell me what ‘king hell there is to ‘debate’ about up there in whiteminister mandarinland ?

    What the hell is the ‘great unwashed’ faffing about ?

    What arguments are necessary ?

    Is this not the country that ‘invented’ the agrarian revolution ? The industrial revolution ? The fundamental rule of law ? A ‘king empire ? A giant global trade network never seen since ?

    Can somebody please tell me why the ‘king hell we need to become vassals to the TTIPAmericaNATO or EUROlalaland ?

    ….. other than the fact that a bunch of traitors are expecting to pick up fat bribes for selling us all out.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. spike

    The generalised justification for TTIP-la-la-land is that the Americans will turn 100% of their ‘special servants’ into slaves if we don’t. If we do, they’ll just turn the bottom 98% of the special servants into slaves.

    Like

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