US Presidential Election, 2024

A peek into the future of democracy

Scoping out the range of deserving Presidential minorities whose Time Had Come, in early 2022 Democratic HQ candidate agents drew up a list of the combinations most likely to appease an increasingly angry electorate.

This is a page capture of that first draft list:8candiesDeep underground – in the Mayor Daley Memorial Chicago Bubble-Silo – the Party’s Big Beasts met during Lent to decide which candidature typologies to give up on….and which stood the best chance of beating President Trump’s chosen successor, Tiger Woods.

Option 3 – white Anglo-Saxon protestant male – was dismissed on the grounds of being certain to alienate liberal media and pressure group opinion leaders from Day One. The sole dissenting voice on the issue (Cambridge Mass strategy guru Mick O’Banion) was  dismissed from further involvement in the candidate typology choice process.

Party hardliners next rejected the hispanic transexual candidate Option 1 as being unable to unite the Nation….given that the GOP’s strong suit was undoubtedly its appeal to those who oppose illegal wetbacks and depraved sodomites.

Option 4 was the next to go, because the fundamentalist Truth about God’s heavy working schedule would be cancelled out by the diabolical nature of Catholic priests who’d been recruited to do his Holy Works.

There was much interest in, and debate about, the Native American Nazi alternative at Option 6. It was felt that the Red Man’s wisdom and love of conservation would bring in liberal Greens, while the unique combo of hating the Jews (a popular theme on the Left) and the banning of the Politically Correct would attract, respectively, radical Democrats and redneck Republicans. The problem was that most people round the table concluded that Adolf Sitting Bull would be damned hard to find.

Option 2 – the Jihadi pacifist – was judged to be a bold idea bordering on genius: it offered the lachrymose salvation of the American enemy for the Right, and the latterly revived hippy isolationism increasingly embraced by Babyboomer liberal geriatrics. But on balance, the majority of those present were clear about one thing: Americans like guns. Any such candidate would, it was agreed, fall foul of the National Rifle Association at the first fence.

Many silo dwellers were initially attracted to the KKK integrationist candidate at Option 5. It had oodles of irony for the East Coast Establishment, and an innate attraction for those Dixiecrats still unable, sixty years on, to grasp the concept of irony in any way whatsoever. But seasoned campaigners felt that the positioning had been Trumped by the GOP’s Tiger Woods candidacy. In particular, Mr Woods’ adopted slogan – “Let’s give the White Folks an even break” – had more than enough irony in it for Americans to digest, without complicating matters further.

Initially, there was a huge amount of support for the maladjusted gun nut at Option 8. The NRA donations would break all records, research showepd that 93% of all Americans would assassinate every candidate they didn’t like, and the lone killer ideal had a profound appeal to cross-Party idealism about the American good-guy personified by Gary Cooper, John Wayne and Tiny Tim. But there was much fear about a Truman Capote backlash.

This left the committee with one theoretical route: the Option 7 conservative dolphin. But while it was generally agreed that training a dolphin to salute the flag without any desire to kill any member of Homo sapiens would be a relatively straightforward task, a unanimity soon developed as to the tricky nature of press conferences where the candidate could only answer questions in Dolphin….a language as yet impenetrable to the human race.


Historian’s note: the 2024 US Presidential election gave a landslide victory to the Democratic Party Candidate, extra-terrestrial life form Pmurtnotnicl, on the basis of his/her promise to protect Planet Earth from Brexit.

22 thoughts on “US Presidential Election, 2024

  1. This sort of grounded analysis is deeply worrying and yet strangely reassuring at the same time. Thank heavens it’s all in the past…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have no idea what will happen in the next six months let alone in eight years. It all sounded quite plausible. very good.

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  3. Given the current near hysterical obsession with ‘transgender’ restrooms dominating the daily news here in the US, one hopes that by 2024, they’ll have sorted it all out, though with 10 states now suing Obama’s ruling on the issue, that’s by no means certain. This is of course proof positive that America is “the most progressive and powerful nation on earth”, as she/he often reminds us.

    And today, some university professor declared that as voters were too busy dealing with their daily lives to know half of what was really going on, the democratic system was doomed to produce unsuitable leaders. There’s a thought …..

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Many a true word spoken in jest!

    if we have the good fortune to reach 2024, despite the odds, I’d go with the dolphin – by far the more intelligent and ‘brain-normal’ of the two species.

    As for the United States of America, I would have prefixed the “United” with a ‘Dis’.

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  5. Oh! please we know today’s politicians are all of the above,they just have to balance in the election the rhetoric in certain areas at certain times to get your vote!the many faces of Moriarty also get the minority Welch/Irish/Scottish and French vote!

    Gemma nothing is has it was and nothing for humanity is has it is ever defined! surely you know that by now!

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  6. Ghost.

    “Oh! please we know today’s politicians are all of the above,they just have to balance in the election the rhetoric in certain areas at certain times to get your vote!” – you speak of a country where the ‘first past the post’ system has eviscerated democracy.

    Where a political party can stand for election and get eight percent of the vote – and get eight percent of the seats implies a voting system that respects the voters. It also allows parties to speak their mind in the full knowledge that they will still have a representation in the parliament they were standing to be elected to.

    They cannot risk losing votes in the British elections… because of its innate, undemocratic nature.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. gemma

    this is not the time to be flipant, argeumentative or splitting hares.
    we think you know nothing but you know F all.
    Where is your job today or is the benefits kiking in.

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  8. Congratulations JW.
    An analysis imbued with the cool-headed, almost chilly, rationality that currently is also characterising the EU debate.

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  9. I remain intrigued by blind Bulgarian seer Baba Vanga who correctly predicted some 30-40 years ago that the 44th US President would be an African American.

    ……….Particularly as she also predicted he would be the last US President.

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  10. Johnson

    “this is not the time to be flipant, argeumentative or splitting hares” – splitting hares is only any use if you are putting them to culinary use.

    And are you at work today?

    Hiero I couldn’t care less if a man is cocky or not; it is whether their assertions are based on assurance rather than arrogance. The latter tend to find assured women something to denigrate and insult – but that in itself shows a lack of intelligence, leave alone assurance.

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  11. gemspops

    yes im at work till dinnertime.
    I work on computer for the govingment.
    I got red knickers on today.
    anthing else you want?

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  12. Gemma i agree 8% should get 8% of the seats! but then too get any changes through you have to give ground,so would more or less % of people vote for you on what you actually do! No system is perfect,and the British system can & does bring about change more quickly,whether that’s a good or bad thing depends on the policy itself!

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  13. maybe we should vote on policies put forward by professionals in the areas of expertise! rather than on representatives!

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  14. well jest is fun and all but in reality the only way Trump will be around in 2024 is if he performs in 2017 The same people wh want to give him a shot at the job are going to hav no patience if he flubs it. Its a job that requires a big ego and If anything the Donald has that.

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  15. @ John B – Maybe that’s one of not just America’s problems but applicable to many other places – too many oversized egos.

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