SQUARE.JW.01 The Slog examines whether, in 2016, Sovereigns can buy cheap things from bankrupts without selling out the citizenry

hinkleyThree weeks ago I bought an everyday watch. It was from an outlet that normally only sells French watches, but the next day I found the deaded ‘PRC’ letters in the accompanying bumf.

After three days, the strap tore. It’s obviously far too thin to be fit for purpose.

In the first ten days, it lost an hour in time. The battery is obviously a crock.

The first warm day we had, the screen misted up. It’s obvious the watch face is not sealed from even the slightest moisture.

Yesterday I had to fix up a makeshift strap. Then I toddled off to the supermarket to buy (among many other things) two plastic cutting boards for the kitchen. I suspect the Chinese supplier didn’t quite grasp the full meaning of ‘cutting board’, and thus supplied a board you could cut into plastic bits with consummate ease.

It is now almost a decade since I first began banging on about the appalling nature of Chinese product quality, and the deadly combination of low-value imports in a country like the UK facing neoliberal austerity. But Johnson, Osborne, Cameron and May seem more determined than ZanuLabour to lick them all over.

Before too long, Beijing is going to be the majority shareholder in Britain’s nuclear generation system….the output from which is owned by EDF….a French company.

Beijing has a terrible record on nuclear safety. Last year’s blasts in Tianjin were another reminder that the country has a long way to go in terms of energy safety. Last December, Chinese Academy of Sciences opinion leader He Zuoxiu, a physicist who worked on China’s nuclear programme, pronounced the blasé Beijing attitude to nuclear precautions “insane”, adding, “the speed of building nuclear power is already very fast, it is unparalleled in the world…There is already risk for major nuclear accidents.”

France as a Sovereign is in very bad fiscal shape. Although it just squeaked below the 3.8% target the Troika gave it last year (legally it should be under 3% in the eurozone) already last week the EC forecast that France will miss its 2016 target. My Brussels source opines that Paris will miss it by a mile.

While the eurozone ‘insists’ that, to qualify, national debt must be no higher than 60% of GDP, France’s debt is 98%…..and rising. It also has the second highest social security deficit and borrowings in the EU….and that is being exacerbated by a massive influx of East European (predominantly Polish) families using the system…and creating unemployment among the indigenous population by undercutting on price.

But guess what? The French government has promised a financial bailout for EDF so that it can proceed with the £18bn plan to build the first nuclear reactors in Britain for 20 years.

So clearly, Britain’s nuclear generation and electricity distribution system is in safe hands.

I’m on the record as having written on numerous occasions before that, once panic turns free trade into siege economies, France will emerge as one of the winners….because it has an infrastructure it owns, and more than enough agricultural land to be self-sufficient. But is that the sort of country you’d like to have calculating your electricity bills?

And with China’s record on nuclear safety and citizen repression, would it represent the ideal partner (if it all goes tits-up over there) for your investment in energy generation?

I’m sure absolutely none of this matters a fig to the plucky Knights of Camerlot, because they’re in the business of selling your birthright: what sort of 4th-rate services they buy in order to do that will be of little interest once they’re all inside that 24/7 gated Cayman Islands Shangri-lalalalalala.

Equally, it won’t appear on the Labour Party radar either. I note that the Muslim Khan is now attacking the Hamas-supporting Corbyn on the grounds of being….an anti-Semite. As you might imagine, this is an ideological  issue of enormous importance to 62 year-old Mrs Hovis who just had her pension purloined by two generations of lying politicians. She is tumescent at the thought of this story developing, but remains sure that the Labour Party – her ‘friend in tough times’ – will come to the rescue. Poor Cow.

So rather than dwell too much on this darker side of those in charge of the asylum formerly known as Great Britain, I offer below the full range of Chinese products and services available for eager buyers in Whiteminster.

sieveThe Shanghai Mark I trans-continental ocean-going Submarinal Aircraft Carrier

Available with an optional 3-month guarantee, this fully tried and tested craft has resulted -during fully three years of trials – in no more than 35,705 mariner deaths, and no non-fatal casualties…in total, roughly 0.0007% of the Chinese population. It is therefore rated ****(*) for safety by the Politburo Sanctity of Human Life Commissar. Available in stock now with this week’s special Buy Three Get one Free offer.

ouija.PNG  The Geopolitics Class 1 Brainstorm Ouija Board

A firm favourite over several decades, the BOB represents a fine example of the ongoing Chinese diversification into services. Used extensively by our comrades in the econo-fiscal space, it comes with guaranteed Multimate Outcome 8 software and a no-wriggle promise of Money Back if no Hegemony.

ducksThe Maoist T-Square Tank Duck Disguise Kit

Guaranteed to fool even the most sophisticated western liberal, the 4-Duck comprises 4 (four) cleverly disguised all-surface 20-ton tanks capable of crushing at the very least 23 naive protesters at a stroke.

The PRC already has 16 firm orders from a Mr Doris Jobsdone of London SW1, and expects imminent confirmation from Austrian and German border authorities, as well as enquiries from 36 State Police buying points in the US.

Hurry now while stocks last!

 Yesterday at The Slog: Fear is more motivating than Truth – discuss