For those still unable to believe that our Prime Minister is a pathological liar and hypocritical humbug, I have marked some key phrases in red

“The Labour government has complicated the tax system, dumbed down the education system, demoralised the health system and bankrupted the pension system. It has made promises that no one believes, and passed powers to a European Union that nobody trusts“.

Speech to the Conservative Party Conference, 4th October 2005

“Between us we must give to this country a modern and compassionate Conservatism which is right for our times and our country….It’s not enough just to talk about tackling problems in our inner cites, we have to have all of the right ideas for turning those communities around….We won’t play politics with the long term future of this country….I don’t want us to invent policies for newspaper headlines, I want us to get it right for the long term. Today, there are 68,000 people training as teachers, doctors and nurses….I want them working in public services that are well funded…We need to improve public services for everybody in this country. In 10 years’ time, there will be 13 and a half million British citizens over the age of 65. I want to pledge to them that their safety, their dignity in old age will be our priority.”

Leadership victory speech 6th December 2005

“Real substance is about taking time to think things through, not trotting out easy answers that people might want to hear. It’s about sticking to your guns. It’s about character, judgment, and consistency.

“We will not take risks with the economy. We will not make promises we can’t keep. We need to strengthen our pensions system.

“For me, it’s not a question of saying the NHS is “safe in my hands.” My family is so often in the hands of the NHS. And I want them to be safe there.”

Speech to Conservative Party Conference 4th October 2006

“This is my DNA: family, community, country. These are the things I care about. They are what made me. They are what I’m in public service to protect, promote and defend. And I believe they are what we need in Britain today more than ever….I want every child to have the chances I had. That is why I’m standing here….

“If we win the election, we will have to confront Labour’s debt crisis. Our national debt has doubled in the last five years…..We must pay down this deficit. The longer we leave it, the worse it will be for all of us.”

Speech to Conservative Party Conference 8th October 2009

“We need to focus more than ever on the building blocks that take countries from poverty to prosperity. The absence of conflict and corruption, the presence of property rights and the rule of law. We should never forget that for many in the world the closest relative of poverty is injustice… It’s about establishing the building blocks of democracy, the independence of the judiciary and the rule of law, with the majority prepared to defend the rights of the minority, the freedom of the media, a proper place for the army in society and the development of effective state institutions, political parties and wider civil society.”

Speech to the United Nations General Assembly 26th September 2012

“When people have seen our flag – in some of the most desperate times in history – they have known what it stands for. Freedom. Justice. Standing up for what is right. They have known this isn’t any old country.

“I hope that the British people have come to know me a little. I’m not a complicated man. I believe in some simple things. Families come first….if our economic plan for the past four years has been about our country – and saving it from economic ruin…our plan for the next five years will be about you, and your family – and helping you get on….For those retiring, we will make sure you get a decent pension; and real rewards for a life of work….we won’t just aim to lower youth unemployment; we aim to abolish it.”

Speech to the Conservative Party Conference 1st October 2014

“The European Union needs to change. It needs greater democratic accountability to national parliaments…..almost 3 years ago, I set out the case for reform – reform that would benefit Britain, and in my view benefit the entire EU….we need some additional measures to address wider abuses of the right to free movement within Europe…we need a target to cut the total burden on business from EU regulation….We need to ensure that – while the European Parliament plays an important role, there is a more significant role for national parliaments, including our own Parliament right here at Westminster…. it is time to give national parliaments a greater say over EU law-making…We need to reduce the current very high level of migration from within the EU into the UK by ensuring that when new countries are admitted to the EU in the future, free movement will not apply to those new members until their economies have converged much more closely with existing member states.”

Speech to Chatham House, 10th November 2015

So taking all these policy areas one by one…

On the EU, if you think Dave Dammerung is now campaigning for an EU that everyone trusts, that his renegotiation didn’t play politics with the long-term future of Britain, that he has obtained an EC commitment to greater democratic accountability, cut EU regulation and ensured a ban on immigrants from the newer, poorer EU member, then Vote Remain. And visit Specsavers at your earliest opportunity.

On UK social policy, if you feel that Dave’s first five years improved public services for everyone, ran a compassionate Welfare system, tried hard to end poverty-related injustice – and made moves to ensure that every British kid can attend Eton – then he’s that rare thing, an honest politician. So no doubt you’re looking forward to the next four years being all about genuine, practical help for you and your family. And I know that, being stoical, you’ll try very hard to hide your disappointment when it doesn’t happen.

As for State Pensions, if as a WASPI woman you’re sure that Dave’s priority is your dignity in old age and the strengthening of the pensions system, then carry on having those coffee mornings and beetle drives in support of petitions and cross-Party whatnots. But do try not to weep when you catch George Osborne pissing himself.

And finally, if you feel that threats to our feeble Constitution are merely inventions of the wicked Left – that Dave’s character, judgement and consistency can be trusted – and neither the Rule of Law nor media freedoms are at risk, then carry on regardless and vote Tory in 2020. Just don’t get too upset when you think about the reappointment of Rebekah Brooks as News UK CEO, the odd recommendations and loose ends of the Leveson report, the grand total of seven months served by serial phone hacker and Number Ten adviser Andy Coulson, and jolly Boxing Day lunches so steadfastly denied by, um, Dave.

Yesterday at The Slog: Time for Britons to fire the Special Relationship