Unbroken News

 

Only 16% of the British electorate feels well-informed about Brexit, a new poll out yesterday revealed. At the same time, the BMA issued research suggesting that 2.5 million Brits drink their recommended weekly allowance of alcohol every night.

This could bring a whole new dimension to the growing sentiment, “I’m pissed off with being in the EU”.

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In the light of opinion research showing that Boris Johnson has a double-digit lead over anyone as the best man to replace David Cameron as Prime Minister, Paddy Power made him 4-1 odds on favourite to be the next Conservative leader if Mr Cameron loses the Brexit vote on June 23rd.

Having reviewed the data in an entirely level-playing field manner and taken all necessary legs-up into due consideration, the Cabinet tonight decided to instigate a poll ratings negative interest policy (PRANIP) without delay.

Overruling the objections of the UK Market Research Society as “rooted in a long-distant age”, Chancellor George Osborne said that henceforth, all voters taking any notice at all of polls would be declared non-violent extremists.

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As the world braces for International Elks’ Day tomorrow, the Elk Equality Collective United Radical Anti-Meerkat Front claims to have evidence that the UK economy could benefit to the tune of £170bn – or a 9% increase in gross domestic product – if Elk employment in the UK rose to match that of Sweden.

Sweden is the best performing country in the OECD across a number of factors, especially on the Elks in Work Index.

“You have all these Meerkats with silly Russian accents appearing in flippant commercials” said Elk film-noir art house director Svvennn Johahnnnnsonnnn, “and never once do we see Elks in commercials. This is an affront to the dignity of all those who wear antlers”.

Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond promised to look at increasing the Elk immigrant quota for the UK. UKip leader Nigel Farage called this “another spineless climbdown by the Camerlot gang”.

Earlier at The Slog: How Nihilist Impotence Ruins Pensions

24 thoughts on “Unbroken News

  1. Chancellor Gouge Tossporn may well find that PRANIP is eclipsed by Coke Addicts That Negatively Impact Prosperity (CATNIP). Chief Inspector Boris ‘Pouncer’ Johnson is expected to make an arresting announcement shortly, once he’s sorted out those naughty mice.

    It seems quite obvious that the usually autumnal International Elks’ Day has been deliberately brought forward this year to distract attention from June 23rd which, for an entire fortnight at least, has been scheduled as International Migratory Birds’ Day. Art Carney and Fred Karno, although both dead, offer far better value for money and considerably more laughs.

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  2. I’m sure the polls are right when they say the Brits want more facts about Brexit.
    Trouble is there are very few facts.
    No one really knows WTF will happen.
    It is, by and large, utter speculation.
    There are too many imponderables – political, economic and emotional.
    Thta’s why, even though Brexit is the totally obvious solution the great unwashed will vote in fear of the unknown – to stay with the misery they know rather than risk the misery they don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. They certainly won’t get many facts about the real consequences either way from the media, without an independent press. Reading the BBC News website coverage of Carney’s antics in front of the TC, for instance, is a chilling example of a quite undisguised agenda. Brexit needs to square up very publicly to the innuendo with some strong and simple explanations or else Project Fear will undoubtedly triumph, but even that may only give a short reprieve from a global debt tsunami and stagflation.

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  4. You know what really gets my goat? Google invading my privacy all the time by requesting me to read and sign their privacy terms and conditions!!!! – which I won’t do!

    In other news, apparently, Maria Shostacovich has admitted using castrol oil sg0.011 to keep her knees fully fluid for another arduous tennis season. There’s no wonder America routinely invades oil producing countries.

    The laughable and lamentable James Hiccup in the DT is making claims on behalf of that other scoundrel Jeremy Rhyming-Slang the the NHS will soon be over it’s minor ailment for the benefit of us all.

    I hate the British media. Lying propagandist cr*P. I hate all of those morons who comment on the very few articles available to comment on. If 16% of them were shot everyday for a week then things might start looking up – leaving only the self-policing politicians to have a go at – and have a go is what should be happening for these purulent lying cheating scum

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  5. Quite right Ron, only people with deep pockets can afford Castrol these days, the rest of us make do with Morris Lubricants. Do you think she uses straight or multigrade?

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  6. I regretfully agree with Slam Dunc that human nature being conservative, [with a small c] and because of the fear of change, will opt to stay in this corrupt failed commission. They are willing to put up with the horror of the known, rather than jump into the icy waters of the unknown.

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  7. We simply cast trust our current politicians with Brexit. All that would happen in the event of exit would be the country carved up for foreign business and forced into more wars for the US and Israel. As things stand, I’d much rather have Merkel and Hollande in charge.
    It is absolutely pointless having a vote in the EU before we have a vote on the American military presence in our country, our foreign-owned media and our public services sold off to foreign firms.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I had a scream and a laugh yesterday when the BBC interviewed Stephen Kinnock MP with regard to Mark Carney’s comments about the Brexit!! As if the son of Neil and Gladys, both emeshed in the EU elite, and a man married to the Danish PM will give an open, honest and non-biased commentary……Really??? Snort!!

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  9. Great thread chaps, thnx for that, good start to my day.

    Whenever I use humour/satire at the site, it’s uncanny how the first four votes are always hugely negative.

    Sadly for them, I can trace the voters because I am a Master of the Universe, so I know – and this too is uncanny – who they are – viz, previous offenders who can vote but not comment. Even more un to the canny, it’s always the same four Meerkats.

    Thus, I can compare the Meerkat, and yurr game is op yurr bottom Sergei. So peep:, it’s not very canny to be that uncanny, because you may think I canny work it oot, but I am a canny lad who can, if you follow

    Now we can play this any number of ways. I can continue giving you the Vote and go to your sites loaded with a lot more ammo than you, or you can cease and desist.

    Simples!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. @Ron

    Coudn’t agree more re. the media. The Canadian excuse for an MSM is just as bad, although since Libya/Syria/Ukraine I have virtually stopped reading/listening/watching as my blood pressure was approaching dangerous levels. I listen to non-stop stand-up comedy now, and am considerably happier as a result. George Carlin, Jim Gaffigan and Bill HIcks are a much healthier way to start my day.

    As to BTL comments, if the Graun is anything to go by, an awful lot of comments by those awake to the criminality of our ‘betters’ are actively scrubbed. The ridiculous Grauniad censorship prompted this website:

    http://off-guardian.org/

    Well worth a look, and far more honest than the Neocon cr*p spouted by the gatekeeping Graun.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Are not Cameldung the porcine porker poker and Boris the barbarian the front and back pages of the same book?

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  12. Canex – check out comedian John bishop on 50 shades of grey. Classic.

    As many of us are expats anyone seen the new Raj Downton “Indian Summers”?? Julie Walters is the queen there.

    I’ve been in the old British hill stations in India .- they are timewarps. Also lived the neocolonial lifestyle in Dhahran. Shall be following.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I see that Turdoch filled the front page go The Sun with ‘The Queen backs Brexit’ “The EU is not going in the right direction” she said apparently….And added, “They can Fack Awf”….

    Liked by 1 person

  14. “You know what really gets my goat? Google invading my privacy all the time by requesting me to read and sign their privacy terms and conditions!!!! – which I won’t do!”

    Instead of using Google direct, try using Start Page search engine (either typed in to Google or stored as your home page). I’ve used Start Page for years (it’s powered by Google), but it does not store your IP address so increased privacy and bye bye Google irritating messages.

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  15. Re the next Conservative leader. As things stand, Conservative MPs, who vote, do not know who will put their names forward, other than BJ, so that the MEMBERSHIP choose out of two. The Conservative Home web site, polling members, has BJ ahead of Gove, with George nowhere. So, we are down to Games theory. If the choice is George/ BJ, or George/ Gove, or BJ/ Gove, you can see that 14/1 on Gove is a fantastic bet.

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  16. Facts nowadays seem to be relative, so here’s a fact.
    It is a matter of fact that those UK citizens who express a preference to remain in the European Union, express that preference on the basis of the romantic notion of the Union, rather than the reality and the stated intentions of those running the operation.
    These voters appear not to wish for this misconception to be discussed in front of them.

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  17. What a yes vote means…

    1.) You accept every decision made by europe no matter what and no choices on this.
    2.) You will eventually have the europe and no objection now allowed after 1.)
    3.) You will accept the ECB so in effect eventually the BOE must go, now your single central bank.
    4.) This is an add-on, may as well remove MP’s and the house of lords they will do nothing after 1. 2. 3.

    Please list what you get in return!

    What a no vote means … and out.

    1.) Primarily you keep your central bank and currency.
    2.) You can regain control of borders for an over populated island!
    3.) You can pick and choose what you want on laws and legislation etc. means ingnoring EU rubbish.
    4.) If the EU will not allow use trade we can trade anywhere in the rest of the world.

    The 4th for many is scary. big world out there with many economic problems i.e. China, Japan, US not too pretty neither.

    Take your pick and if you see it for the end game these are mutually exclusive lists and only the YES vote makes it happen. No scaremongering etc. that is the truth.

    Take your pick for future generations and hope the EU does not end up under tyranny!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m relishing ..relishing the prospect of US President Trump and UK Prime Minister Johnson sitting down for a cup of tea or a cold frosty, but I don’t live in either country and find the contortions of other countries panjandrums a source of infinite fun and amusement. Nothing could come close to my personal president, a cunning goatherd with innumerable parasitic and expensive wives and leech-like relatives and the Rajasthani mafia attached firmly to his anal orifice. Be grateful dear chaps that you stayed in grey ole Blighty and didn’t board that ship to the colonies.

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