Just when you thought it was you, it isn’t

Human contemporary commerce: the highlights

The following econo-fiscal concepts are in play at the moment: helping Greece with its debt problem by loading it with further debt, calling it a bailout, and then stealing its assets; revaluing stock market levels on the basis of someone unknown to you having done so 7,000 miles away; getting mired in debt, and then asking lenders to pay for the privilege of lending you more; losing sovereign funds on buying worthless assets, and looking surprised when sovereign debts rise; pauperising consumers as a carrot to induce them to consume more; raising the cost of Dollar denominated debt, in the hope of stimulating those Brics already swimming in Dollar denominated debt; repeating monetary stimulation, using failure as the criterion; presenting the EU as a safe haven for Britain, even though it has the worst export figures on the planet; basing taxation policy on the belief that wealth trickles down, after 30 years of it gushing up; making £73bn of net UK spending cuts, in the hope that this can stop a National Debt rising at the rate of £6.2 trillion every five years; introducing Zirp and Nirp when the biggest, richest sector of Western consumers don’t need credit – but do need income off their investments; stock market indices going up in the face of bad news, and down in the face of irrelevant news; predicting commodity rallies in the context of global economic slowdown;  and focusing on the creation of shadow mega wealth for 0.03% of Westerners, when 80% of consumers have seen their real pdi drop 30%.

I’m sure I’ve missed several more out. But I rather think these will suffice to make a very simple case: that 3% of the global population have herded the 97% into a lunatic asylum…and they, the lunatic fringe, are running it.

Ramifications for my future relations with market & media ‘experts’

You are full of shit.

Given this obvious fact, I’m amazed there’s so much shit left left over to happen to the rest of us. Perhaps it’s that, just as with oil, copper, timber and iron ore, we seem to have an enormous glut of shit.

At first sight, this too doesn’t really compute, because there’s only the 3% of you broadcasting shit – and yet even when we the 97% are getting it 24/7 in the media, there’s still a glut. But that’s because you the 3% Undead don’t get marketing, whereas the rest of us do: there is no demand any more for shit.

We’re all shitted out, Master of the Universe guys. Every last sector of shit – horseshit, bullshit, chickenshit – is flatlining because too much shit happens as a result of it, and too many innocent people wind up in the shit. We’ve eaten shit, and the experience is not conducive to repurchase….at least, not for we the normals.

Notes on the safe disposal of toxic shit

As 100% of all shit is created in the minds of the 3%, the problem is not as insurmountable as it seems. For example, one could donate St Helena to the 3% along with the entire world supply of shit, and deport all of them there to enjoy a life of bliss, minus only their munnneee. After all, who needs money when you’re a bottom feeder with an infinite amount of free shit? No such thing as a free lunch? Think again!

Listen, it’s a small and insignificant human experiment: if they die, they die.

What to do in the event of any leftover supplies of shit

For those of us blessed with a charitable disposition, there are others collaborating with the 3% who love wallowing around in shit, and  believe me, they can’t get enough of it. It therefore behoves like-minded folks to give generously to all those who make and design circuit boards, programs, online service navigation, connectivity protocols, panels that appear saying ‘Error 651′ or Somethings not right’, boilers with onboard computers, and software called Windows where the two solutions to every problem are either ‘close more windows’ or ‘turn it it off and then on again’.

You know, there are times when I think I might be the reincarnation of Flash Gordon. But then there are better days, and the illusion fades.

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