NEW BUDGET CUTS: OSBORNE CALLS FOR LEGISLATION TO BAN CLOUDS

osbclouds

British Chancellor and keen amateur meteorologist Gorged Frogspawn stunned his G20 audience last night by announcing a breakthrough in analysing the causes of him being fucking miles out on Britain’s much smaller economy and much bigger deficit and much bigger National Debt and much lower manufacturing output.

“On the plane coming over,” he revealed, “I read this really triffic book Noddy & Big Ears go weather forecasting, and while some of the words were a bit long I’m pretty sure now that the major economic growth danger all along has been clouds”.

Enlarging on his theme of two years ago – that unusually heavy rain is definitely implicated as a cause of flooding – Mr Unborne continued:

“I think that in the past, collectivist economic theory has given far too much credence to the wisdom of clouds. Whereas it has been categorically proved beyond any reasonable doubt that wealth trickles down, it seems clear to me that clouds positively piss with rain, usually on my parade. Accordingly, I have asked Theresa May at the Home Office to draw up legislation with a view to banning clouds as the sort of non-violent extremists (NVEs) against whom we should always be on our guard”.

His remarks drew wild applause from ECB and BoJ representatives in the audience. Stewards had to restrain special guest EU military supremo Federica Mogherini. after she threw her knickers at the podium.

But back in the UK, known CIA NVE suspect Mervyn King took a contrarian view, arguing that…..

kingquote

….and quite possibly Mr Nobsore himself might have had something to do with it.

Courageous as ever, your Soaraway Slog offers this evidence in support of Merv the Swerve:

Yesterday, RBS announced a loss of £2bn. It’s the 8th loss in a row since it was saved by the taxpayer. The shares crashed. Soon afterwards, Chancellor George Osborne put all further sale plans on hold. Good idea really, since he lost the taxpayer a further £1bn in last year’s share sale…having been told by most advisors that he would.

Lloyds Banking Group’s chief executive, António Horta-Osório, Trousered an £800,000 bonus for 2014, on top of his £1m salary. His total remuneration package was £11m including the value of share payouts from a three-year long term incentive plan. Earlier this week, the bank revealed poor 2015 fourth quarter profits. But António Horta-Osório was handedd another £8.5m payout…..and the shareholders were bribed with a whopping dividend…so the share price went up, despite a 7% falloff in profits.

Last year, HSBC rejected calls for its bonuses to be cut in response to the tax evasion scandal at its Swiss private bank. Nobody put forward the idea that those involved should go to jail, but Stuart Gulliver, the bank’s chief executive had his bonus docked by £500,000 to reflect a fine for rigging foreign exchange markets. He did still, however, pick up a salary of £7.6m. He isn’t going to jail either.

Right-wing think tanks across the piece warned Osborne prior to the last Election that he would have to make cuts.

Osborne missed his deficit targets from 2010-15. All of them. Due to the Government’s significant budget deficit, the national debt is increasing by approximately £73.5 billion per annum, or around £1.4 billion each week. As a result of its efforts to balance the budget, the Government forecast in 2014 that the structural deficit would be eliminated in the financial year 2017/18 …and then changed the year to 2018/19 in March 2015…and to 2019/20 in July 2015.

Fully 30% of all the UK government’s debt liabilities relate to bank guarantees and bailouts. A further 20% relate to Whitehall Mandarin pension promises.

But David Cameron dismissed what he called “nit-picking Minnies who would rather talk Britain down than accept our long term economic plan is working”. He told an Operation Barbarossa rally in Huddersfield that “it’s time we stopped denying the obvious, and accepted that Mr Putin is up to his old tricks manipulating these clouds and doing his best to destroy our EU family which he knows is all that lies between him and Calais”.

He urged all Britons to boycott Russian prostitutes, and support his Law to make it a criminal offence to boycott any businesses of which he approved, especially Ospawn & Brittle – and not forgetting the Hobgoblin Sheister Bank of Camerlot (HSBC).

Yesterday at The Slog: 1+1 = 97, allegedly

14 thoughts on “NEW BUDGET CUTS: OSBORNE CALLS FOR LEGISLATION TO BAN CLOUDS

  1. Blundering about in the dark is really all that’s left for this shower of incompetent rogues. They may believe that the light of exposure will never allow their shadows to become visible, but history is inevitable. Announcing your failure to the electorate while getting shanghaied in the company of your ponzi pals on the other side of the world is an act of abject cowardice, he is as a straw blown by the wind which emanates from his own anatomy.

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  2. Lol John, classic as per!

    Well I just don’t know whether to laugh or cry at the state of Britain. One thing for sure, expecting the poor, sick and disabled to pay for this mess through ever more cuts is like pissing in the wind.

    Signed,
    A nit-picking minnie 😮

    Liked by 1 person

  3. PS George Osborne is a prick of the highest degree. (Not that he knows anything about those, especially not in basic f*#!* economics!) What we gonna do? Revolt?

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  4. It is not that long ago that Osborne and Mandelson enjoyed joint hospitality on the yacht off a Russian aluminium oligarch.
    Remember that – everyone?
    They are all spivs, really – the whole phony lot of them, whatever side of the alleged political “divide” they say they hail from.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Osborne was a fool in my mind, like Greece if you cut, cut, cut you collapse the real economy and have little to no way to support the existing level of debt then you have to repeat it over and over. A controlled expansion was needed, QE was bailing out the banks and the utter fail, the economy did not generate the needed returns so the debt grows.

    Osborne missed it so I am guess he reallly is dumb, he needed to hold the money in the real economy and keep it flowing instead of allowing it to go dead in bank deposits and it was for the banks by hard work to earn this money. They got a freebie, it was the malinvestment (supporting bad debt) helped noone.

    So now one of those banks HSBC starts to talk up the helicopter drop … reckon the final disaster if thought through, but they have no other choice now and reckon it will generate class warfare and discrimination from those who do and do not get any.

    http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-02-26/hsbc-looks-life-below-zero-says-helicopter-money-may-be-only-savior

    All along the only thing they managed to achieve was to delay for a time the inevitable.

    ANOTHER REASON FOR BREXIT:- The UK will not be able to honour its commitment to the economic constraints that EZ countries are supposed to adhere to. So we will be penalised if in and Osborne or some other chancellor was running the show.

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  6. The 19 presidential candidates talk like John writes when he does this sarc. But they talk this way all the time. I doubt they would see this as snark if the real names were inserted. wherever.

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  7. the hele dosh will be the penultimate card. it will crash totally whats left of the economy and they all know it. it will be done intentionally when they are all good and ready … then to hell with the rest of us.. for those wondering how this will work then look to the stocks since QE from 2009…. they roar upwards with stock inflation designed to help bank balance sheets.. (nothing to do with fundamentals you notice) ..when it comes to all of us we will roar up in a fire of rampant inflation.. no doubt they will then appear with a new deal.. a bowl of porridge a day for good slaves..

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Why would you try and destroy all institutions including state religious, governmental, law, UN, human rights,is it because if they are all gone they believe they can’t and won’t be tried,no authority left to do so
    if so they haven’t read history or in Osbornes case understood it

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  9. @Mark Deacon.

    Osbourne is not a Fool (he does not speak truth to power). He is an idiot.

    Helicopter money at this stage is deflationary (people use the ‘free’ money to pay off debt).

    The banking system (which was insolvent prior to 2008) cannot absorb the destruction of assets (debt paydown with h.cash) whilst also extending their liabilities (debt free savers depositing h.cash).

    It is sad that there is no effective political opposition questioning the rational of the incumbents policies.

    Without a voice, those opposed will find other means.

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  10. AKL, this would be true if the liquid value of the HSBC assets outweighed the paper value of their liabilities
    If you owe money to the bank you ain’t getting off, if the bank owes you money you ain’t getting it back.

    Like

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