orange utan

Challenged Orangutan struggles to deal with simple customer request

I don’t know what your day was like, but mine was something of a triumph. I’m not saying this triumph deserves a trophy, but it will be enough to send me off to Dreamland tonight feeling satisfyingly knackered.

Having been told by the evil Orange – after eight week of broken promises – that they wanted €125 just to turn up some time between now and 2025 to move my landline phone point a mere 90 metres, last Friday I somewhat rashly told them where to stick it. Today – with an expenditure of just €70 – I created my own personal LAN internet network here without using any of their third-rate hardware or jobsworth personnel.

It involved long outdoor cables (which I already owned) a powerline link-up, and some forgotten connection wires from the days before what is now laughably referred to as WiFi. Let me tell ya Bro, it is like workin’ well good an’ shit…in fact, well better than de shit fo’ sugar handed out by dem Orangutans for whom the future is shite if more folks like meself keeps on dissin’ them, innit.

This is what I am told by those close to the French phonecoms sector. Despite having a total monopoly, Orange can’t make money out of landline talk (ie, non-data) phone works any more. So basically, they ignore all but the most urgent emergency needs….in favour of adding internet to the phone lines, and persuading landline renters to switch to the premium-priced ripoff mobile alternative….which – in areas beyond the main population centres – is crap.

Next week – having given this satellite-driven competitive sector a thorough test drive, I shall be sending Orange a registered letter (for in the virtual digital age, that’s what they demand) suggesting they recognise my democratic libertarian right not to be charged an outrageous nual rental fee any more.

And you can be sure that – within seconds of receiving that snail-mail missive – the Orangutans will shower me with tweets, texts and emails begging me to reconsider. What fun I shall have teasing the robots.

Earlier at The Slog: Deutsche Bank: its role in the neoliberal downfall