At the End of the Day

orange utan

Challenged Orangutan struggles to deal with simple customer request

I don’t know what your day was like, but mine was something of a triumph. I’m not saying this triumph deserves a trophy, but it will be enough to send me off to Dreamland tonight feeling satisfyingly knackered.

Having been told by the evil Orange – after eight week of broken promises – that they wanted €125 just to turn up some time between now and 2025 to move my landline phone point a mere 90 metres, last Friday I somewhat rashly told them where to stick it. Today – with an expenditure of just €70 – I created my own personal LAN internet network here without using any of their third-rate hardware or jobsworth personnel.

It involved long outdoor cables (which I already owned) a powerline link-up, and some forgotten connection wires from the days before what is now laughably referred to as WiFi. Let me tell ya Bro, it is like workin’ well good an’ shit…in fact, well better than de shit fo’ sugar handed out by dem Orangutans for whom the future is shite if more folks like meself keeps on dissin’ them, innit.

This is what I am told by those close to the French phonecoms sector. Despite having a total monopoly, Orange can’t make money out of landline talk (ie, non-data) phone works any more. So basically, they ignore all but the most urgent emergency needs….in favour of adding internet to the phone lines, and persuading landline renters to switch to the premium-priced ripoff mobile alternative….which – in areas beyond the main population centres – is crap.

Next week – having given this satellite-driven competitive sector a thorough test drive, I shall be sending Orange a registered letter (for in the virtual digital age, that’s what they demand) suggesting they recognise my democratic libertarian right not to be charged an outrageous nual rental fee any more.

And you can be sure that – within seconds of receiving that snail-mail missive – the Orangutans will shower me with tweets, texts and emails begging me to reconsider. What fun I shall have teasing the robots.

Earlier at The Slog: Deutsche Bank: its role in the neoliberal downfall


12 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. Orange are shysters in Britain also. An £11 monthly for a mobile? Yes certainly and with enough minutes and texts to last you 6 months every month funny ain’t it that over the past 24 months they have never managed to bill me less than £15 and I’d guarantee it is the same for every small ‘customer’. Crooks, French crooks to boot.


  2. BT only slightly better. You HAVE to have a landline which costs £17.99 a month. In the last two months it has been used once, that £36 a call. The SIM only mobile is OK for BT users at £5 including wifi.

    I protested at this outrageous tax I am forced to pay to BT. They said at some point in the future there would be some way of avoiding it but it is not yet available in Guildford so you will just have to suck it up in the meantime.


  3. Thank heavens for Bell Canada. I have used it for 50 years. It works almost 100% of the time and when it doesn’t they fix it over the phone or email immediately. If that doesn’t work they come to the house within 24 hours. This is true for TV and internet through Bell. In fact natural gas and electricity work equally as well. I am always amazed at how well the basic stuff works in this country. I never really planned to live in Canada, I came here on a student visa, but I am really glad that that was how the stars lined up.


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