In the boggy slime of the 2015 Gong Show, here’s a few you may have missed….
For her stoicism in the face of being played by Barbara Windsor for twenty years, Peggatha Mitchell becomes Dame Peggay of Krayborough.
Sue Barker becomes an OBE in recognition of her perseverance in barking up the wrong tree over many years with Sir Cliff Richard.
Lynton Crosby is to receive a knighthood for services to ventriloquism, and Grant Shapps scoops the Best Supporting Actor Award for his role as the dummy.
Sir Anthony Swynging-Dique becomes Lady Uppercut in recognition of her services to medical research.
First Lord of the Flies Jeremy Nettlebotham is made Robin Prince of Thieves for his services to the Health Insurance sector.
Donovan Askme – who runs the Happy Eater Kwikservice at Barnsley South Services (Tory gain) – gets the BSE for his services to motorway services hygiene services.
Tory MP Appelby Thadaye is awarded the Distinguished Service Order for his services to recreational services supplied to Downing Street financial services through his organ, the Hongtoot & Sniffhigh Banking Cokoperation (HSBC).
Democratic reforming Sultan Recep Erdogun becomes an Arabian Night of the Order of Saladdin by day, and an order-taker of the Islamic State Black Knights by night, in recognition of his services to the Syrian Undertaker sector over many years.
May your 2016 be as free as possible from awards, frauds, Lords, and swords as possible.
My heartfelt thanks go out to those who get WTF I’m on about….as indeed I express my profound sympathy for those who don’t.