100 reasons for Brexit, #61: You think we’re stupid? Meet the German Underclass.

I wonder if, like me, you have never yet woken up in the morning and thought, “Today I shall rob a condom machine”. I suspect you haven’t. But three petty crooks in Berlin decided that’s what they’d do….on Christmas Day.

Not even at the lowest point of clichéd condescension did the Miss World Contest in its heyday use a voiceover -as Greta Stümpfel (36-24-35) from Wupperthal walked the cat walk – along the lines of, “Greta takes a keen interest in endangered species, and her ambition is to rob a condom machine without fear of detection”.

“You see Simpkins,” the senior officer very often said during 1950s War movies, “That’s the trouble with Gerry…he’s got absolutely no imagination”. Just how wrong can you be?

I mean, rob a bank – fine, that’s where the money is, allegedly. And even if it isn’t any more, who cares? It would be setting an excellent example to the unjustly poor everywhere.

Rob a jewellers. Now that makes sense: lots of precious stones and very high security….it’s a risk, although the payback could be tremendous.

But whyTF rob a condom machine? I mean, you’re on one of those quiz shows right, and you have to guess what the first word or phrase most of the audience thought of when they heard “condom machine”. And you say “wealth beyond the dreams of avarice”. Or even worse, “Christmas Day”.

It doesn’t end there. The Three Stooges decided that, rather than gemmy the bloody thing open, they’d buy some explosives to do the business. There are three of you sitting in a damp, scruffy Berlin flat on Christmas Eve, the idea is put forward to get rich by geligniting a condom machine as an easy-money scheme, and none of the Teutonic trio say “On the whole, I’d rather rob a reservoir”.

Where the caper did end was in one of the robbers getting himself killed. It seems he decided to leave his car door open – which was two metres from the doomed machine – because he wanted to watch.

“It ended in tragedy,” you might say, but I don’t. I regard the bloke’s demise as one of the most obvious acts of clinically targeted natural selection I’ve ever come across.

Indeed, the only tragedy in this attempt at surreal lawlessness is that they were caught so quickly. Otherwise, somebody could’ve reported that “Police are looking for a fundamentalist Catholic with very short term financial problems and a history of cerebral muddle”.

Should we be in the same EU that produced these people? Should anyone in the EU be in the same Union as the Germans?

It is a sobering thought….and we should all take it into 2016 on the way to voting Leave.

For the full run-down on even more important reasons for Britain to quit the EU, go to the dedicated Slog Page

25 thoughts on “100 reasons for Brexit, #61: You think we’re stupid? Meet the German Underclass.

  1. Are you saying that no Englishman would ever do something so stupid? I beg to differ. I’m American and hold nothing against the English but am of the belief that stupidity is universal. I suggest this reason for Brexit be put down the list somewhere in the 300 range or perhaps it would be best to just forget the whole thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. One example a nation does not make. There are tons of funny stories about British criminals…

    … one was where someone robbed a pawn shop and forgot his coat. All the police had to do was check his wallet and nip around to his digs.

    … another was where the robber hailed a taxi. I needn’t tell you how the police discovered his address, but it should be pretty obvious.

    The clever criminals aren’t caught. What was it George Chatham said? “the newspapers said it could only be the work of ‘an international crime gang’.” He was the one who nicked Wellington’s sword from the V&A in 1948, using nothing more than a screwdriver and a bit of bent wire. On his tod.

    The really clever criminals don’t steal from banks, they found one. Wasn’t that a Groucho Marx gag? Or was it Berthold Brecht?


  3. John! Didn’t you ever learn that Germans never joke?? ;-) ;-) ;-)

    And when one spends one’s days with people for whom laughter follows when someone holds up a board with ‘laugh’ written on it in big red letters, there are times when one’s ability to perceive the real from the humerous becomes a little blurred. What’s more, you might have noticed that few others grasped the subtlety of your writing on this occasion…

    Anyway, isn’t the real joke the fact that the bankers are robbing us blind?


  4. Bluntly being a moron he deserved to be blown up and if we removed the HSE from society we would have a whole load of those same morons over here. Breeding stupidty in homo sapiens is the norm now by not allowing the morons to blow themselves up and that is dumbing down the nation.

    Germany I might add is now +1 on the intelligence score.


  5. …Clearly a late but strong contender for the 2015 Darwin Awards…..

    Lets hope the EU will be an early contender for the 2016 awards……


  6. Perhaps it was just the Germans showing their contempt for the French letters? The motive was clearly political, no doubt about it.


  7. I don’t disagree – but all nationalities have their faults and the German nation and people also have many strengths that we can learn from. If the UK left the EU, I suspect our own shortcomings as a people would become more pronounced and we would end up as a backwater off the French coast.
    The idea we would be independent in those circumstances is also fantasy, I think – as there is no reason to think ‘we’ wouldn’t still be electing upper class stooges like Cameron, who would just do what the Americans tell them, but without the counterbalance of the other European nations.


  8. I think you’ve been caught asleep ‘on the job’ as it were.

    The EU have banned all males from having metaphorical ‘Bratwursts’ outwit a prescribed ‘bandwidth’ of acceptable dimensions, imprisoning any chemists or other retailers who follow Bell-shaped curves when ordering from wholesale inventory.

    As a result, the poor souls were faced with making 90% of the female homeless preggers before 2015 was out or taking responsibility for their own sex lives by pinching some stuff from the communist resistance who still stocked appropriate sizes in the dodgier parts of town…….

    Scientists at the University of Essex have submitted a £5m grant proposal to study the evolutionary implications of the homogenisation of male Bratwurst dimensions on 21st century ‘life’ in the EU…….


  9. You think thats funny ? Read this –


    Now thats ‘king hilarious.

    …. Unless you are one of that rare breed that has not been bled dry by the parasites we call master.

    Oh, by the way. change of subject i know, but how long after we leave the United States Of Eurodisney will it be before we brits burn the Human Rights Laws and ‘go the full nazi’ ? [ie become the 51st state of the USA.}

    I think Brexit is a GREAT idea, but what will contain the etonian parasite class then, I wonder. Carefull what you wish for people. The words “frying-pan” and “fire” spring readilly to mind.


  10. It would seem they wanted to use the withdrawal method became to excited & ended up being ejaculated all over the inside of the car!I to Condom them for their very poor choice in methodology,technique & execution,once more just another poor performance leaving people laughing but not satisfied. just very human!


  11. Ah… Surfing the difference, Zeitgeist, & plundering the bottomless pit of stupidity. been there got the badge & still find myself on the inside looking out, quite often. I blame it on what I have been taught, & what others keep trying to enlighten me with. I’m afraid it hasn’t made me compliant, I must be too simple.

    Isn’t the problem facing the EU entrenched self created National archetypes (Nice word John, Ta)? “Unity in Diversity”, my arse, I’m sure our Teutonicly tutored brethren are, at the kinder level at least, to all intense & purposes, we. It must be all in the worms we get speak & think in, it’s so obvious to anybody who struggles with them. As Howard Jones got to sing in the early 80’s “You are not who you think you are…” & we must in the true Neo Lib style of our time, cast it on created others. Who needs inter-subjective reflection or simple irony? Well as they say, “That’s schadenfreude”…


  12. Here lies the body of sign-writer Joe
    Who fell to his death through the letter O
    What a way to go out, but none could be better
    The way that he came in through the whole in a letter


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