In the fine British imperial tradition of the Distinguished Order Medal, The Slog introduces a much-needed new award, the The Devoid Of Meaning gong.

 

So there you are, driving along illegally because you’re a prat and simply must know wassup, and a message (left) from Microsoft pops up.

‘What can it mean?’ you think to yourself. For the guys at Microsoft have delved into the Runtime Library and found an error. Could be in the toilets, could be an empty plug-in container….but either way, the cross says don’t whatever you do go into the red blob: for the time being, stick to R6205 purely virtual function calls only.

The baffled tablet owner presses OK, because no other option – like for example “what?” – is on offer. The people who dream up these panels should be put under house arrest and then spend 25 years being completely reprogrammed.

I do so love getting into the festive spirit, don’t you?

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Here’s something of similar ilk from the Met Police…whose corporate tagline now is ‘Total Policing’. Where was the person of sound mind when the PR meeting bought that line, eh?

meterror

Totally invasive tactful policing, where the total number of police is falling, and the total amount of information is close to zero.

Being seen to be doing something etc etc.

“Deck the cops and take their munnee falalalah lalalalahhh….”

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Even Japanese Abenomics – just when you thought asset-buying couldn’t get any more pointlessly insane – can still serve up the DOM.

Bank of Japan boss Haruhiko Kuroda has announced measures to purchase  $2.5 billion worth of exchange-traded funds tracking companies which (quote) “proactively make investment in physical and human capital.”

Nikko Asset Management Big Swinging Dick and ETF specialist Koei Imai pointed out the snag.

“These kinds of ETFs don’t exist now,” he said, “I think the message from the BOJ is for us to go out and make them.”

Have faith in this Holy time: build it, and they will come.

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What Mr Plod did Earlier