1. Knowing that the wurst case scenario has been skilfully ignored by our man of straw is indeed festering festive news to gladden the heart and loosen the bowels. Sadly, I failed treacle thatching and got slated by pater who told me that I would never stick to anything worthwhile.


  2. Superb!

    So glad Parliament retains sovereignty over the lbw law – still don’t like the ‘pitching outside leg’ bit – unfair to leggies – time for a stiff letter.


  3. @Hieronimusb

    I have also been told many times that I have “Failed to meet expectations”. It’s not something I’m proud of, but despite the toil & exceedingly arduous work, I am pleased to have finally got there.


  4. Didn’t put you down as a cocked-eyed optimist, JW, but a load of goodies such as you list suggests otherwise. Alternatively, it may, of course suggest that – to be personal for a moment – you’ve started on the pear brandy a little earlier in the day than may be entirely respectable.


  5. 7 concessions:

    1. Aston Villa will be managed in the Championship by a Frenchman. So David Cameron will have an excuse to stick it to the French for 12 months running up to the Referendum…..
    2. The Danes take pity on Manchester Utd. They have signed up Peter Schmeichel for the night.
    3. The Spanish, the Italians and the French have ganged up on London, making them actually have to play good football in February to progress. A few hot tips for share movements on the LSE are required if bunging referees is not to take place. And Gary Neville will have to chair Middle East Peace talks successfully too. JOKE!!
    4. The Germans will let a German come home for a day, but they won’t let any English people marry any Germans any time soon. Unless they are Muslim…..
    5. The Germans will beat up the Portuguese immigrant’s mother. And his auntie. As long as the Italian beats up the Portuguese immigrant first.
    6. The borders around Gibraltar will be closed to stop the danger of EFTA immigrants from the North Sea invading Euro land.
    7. The UEFA and FIFA Presidencies will be decided by a couple of punch ups. The Greens have already put forward their candidate. Roger Federer is still undecided whether to stand or not as he doesn’t want his twin daughters exposed to the feminist-hating old fogies in the Baur au Lac.

    Your correspondent wishes that he had drunk a bottle of the finest claret before he wrote this, but drinking before lunch is not something to produce inspired journalism…….


  6. So we finally know what Camerlot was doing in Brussels. He was playing `Hide the Sausage` with his colleagues and as usual the British voter got stuffed!!!


  7. werewolf sleighbell

    *SNORK* best nickname for Ol’Ironsides yet! The sad & etymologically excitable such as myself may be interested to learn that “Schäuble” probably comes from a Swabian word for ‘Straw Man’ or ‘Straw Dolly’ . Nomen est omen….


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