Three bogus elements in today’s announcements explained

It’s amazing what a bit of ringing around can reveal. Herewith an interesting summary of the yarns doing the rounds in Fleet Street, Westminster and Brussels tonight following the Draper’s latest attempt at turd polishing:

That overseas aid budget increase Despite the seeming lunacy of austerity-strapped Bighty now spending more on overseas aid than on the police – facing as we allegedly do mass beheadings from the invincible hordes of ISIL barbarians – the aid increase represents making good on the bribe we must pay to Commonwealth colleagues….in return for various deals involving arms, financial services, military training and administrative help.

That whopping sum of money suddenly given to the NHS Another example of Machiavellian desperation, it seems: Jeremy Rhymeeng-Slange has been caught unready as yet to persuade the indefatigable British public that the NHS needs to be burnt to the ground, and has a flappy bottom on the subject of a very cold winter in the offing and suddenly being found out as the liar in chief. Word also reaches me that a survey has been commissioned by his Ministry of Wealth, showing an uncomfortably large proportion of Conservative voters behind the Junior Doctors. Last but not least, secret figures showing that the NHS is haemhorraging staff as a result of underfunding and overwork.

That commendable £12.4bn to be spent on infrastructure (unspecified) This requires only elementary maths to deconstruct: one must set against this ‘investment’ in infrastructure the 37% cuts in transport spending, 17% cuts in business spending, and 22% cuts in energy spending. The usual left hand to right hand Peter to Paul dealing off the bottom we have come to expect from the Unborn one. For example – another rise for pensioners, but the pension age itself to rise again. A £10bn boost for the NHS, but also a demand for £22bn  in ‘efficiency’ savings. Cap on student nurse training to be ended…but nurses to be given loans in future, not grants.

Roll up roll up folks, Georgie the Illusionist challenges you to spot which shell the pea is under….hevery one a winner, roller boller penny a push and a free godlfish for every player.