DAVEPLEA11015A message from D’vide Cameldung to his muddled subjects

“Right, pay attention proles because there’s clearly an awful lot of wrong-headed delusional thinking going on, and we here in the bubble simply will not tolerate the mentally ill resorting to non-violent extremism. So jolly well pull something up and roll others things up and listen up too.

As regards the Syrian crisis escalated entirely by power-mad monk and former KGB spy Vlad Rasputin, we do not know what proof you people need of his guilt. I mean we have a former Foreign Secretary Sir Malachite Driftin who this morning clearly proved that Russia has been throwing petrol on fires in a willy-nilly fashion when everyone knows we are desperately short of oil in order to keep the global recovery on track. In the Guardian we have more conclusive proof from The Ground that the attacks upon anti-Assad forces were undertaken deliberately, because local sources close to The Ground say so, so it must be true, so help me God why are you people so thick?

Can you please get it through your heads that the forces fighting against Assad have not been our devoted Arab Spring freedom-fighting allies for over a year, and it is goodness knows how long it must be ten years at least since they were the mortal enemies of our other loyal ally Mr Basil W Brush on account of them aspiring with Osama Bin Liner to rule the World. Let me clear about this: our enemies now are ISIL because they behead people, they don’t like Bassher Assad, and they don’t like the Muslim Brotherhood, who we now know are very sound and nicer than other Islamists and therefore entirely fair game for Senator John McWayne and his friends in the aeronautical sector to indulge in sales pitches.

As for Bassher himself, nobody likes him and that’s why we in the West must support him because it is in our nature to care for the underdog, especially as he is a reformed character since we accused him of using chemical weapons against his own people but then decided it was the Muslim Brotherhood who faked it which in turn explains why we nearly fell out with them until we realised that Vladimir Pumpkin didn’t like them and now he’s gone and bombed them and that just proves what we said all along.

I mean, how could we have been more consistent?

I have said this many times before, but it bears repetition: in order to keep our economic recovery on course for take-off and ready to take on more jobs from the off while remaining on-track for going off the HS2 rails, we must create jobs for those who accept the value of bombs in this our fight against all those opposed to the enlightened policies of President Badass Osama. Already today, looking at the world’s stock markets while helping Mr Unborn with the right way up thing, I can see that this whiff of war in the air has buoyed up every bourse from China to the City of London, which is yet more confirmation of our bold decision to give our friends in Beijing who used to be a stain on human rights the complete rights to build a nuclear reactor in Walsall out of solar garden light returns and toxic circuit boards.

So things are very much heading our way, and in that context it is vital we do not get any of this fluffy peacenik nonsense from new Opposition leader Jellybean Cordite and his anti-Trident NVEs in the Labour Party. I like Mr Corbachev, I really do, because we could have Mickey Mouse in Number Ten and still win the next election whether I keep Donald Duck in Number Eleven or not. But there are limits to those I am prepared to have in my circle. I have standards to keep up, given the past names I have honoured with my friendship, for example Leapon Britkids, Rebekah Fooks, Andy Coolspin, James Turdfoch, Chancellor Giddyup Nobsore, and of course our fine health typist Mr Jermyn Cant.

I therefore ask you today to rest easy in your beds in the knowledge that Theresa Mayormaynot put everyone behind bars until all this unpleasantness has blown over, out, or up. And in the meantime our gallant forces stand ready to put all these sooty little towel heads in their place.

God bless you all and grant you the wisdom to do as I say, not as I do.”

Yesterday at The Slog: There’s gold in them thar Pagodas


  1. i have been thinking the same. what elze could happen as the middle east unravels? how about civil war ineither or both turkey and saudi arabia? could t happen to a nicer bunch of guys.


  2. Excellent..
    As an addendum, the US now thinks it can break Saudi with their shale oil process. With interest rates at almost zero you can borrow huge sums, build your rigs and frack away to your heart’s content.

    Saudi has gone all in with its ‘pump every last drop’ play – betting that they can hold out longer than the shale oil companies in the US.
    Saudi needs circa $100 per barrel to pay for its large social infrastructure programme – this programme is effectively a bribe to the Saudi people to convince them to tolerate the hardline Wahabbist regime (see Bitter Lake for that dimension). At the moment Saudi is having to dig into its forex reserves to make up the shortfall.

    So, we have a tense standoff between the US and Saudi – the problem for Saudi is that they are hardwired into the $ system – the US can print/loan/extend+pretend longer than Saudi can pump oil at a net loss.

    So as already voiced – it’s the end of the line for Saudi, the question is, will they wither and die quietly or will they risk some last ditch strategy, given the history of the region I sense the latter.


  3. Well, thank goodness we are on the side of good, that is, on the side of Qatar and Saudi. How lucky that our US masters put their money – and our money – on the Sunni’s all those years ago. So you see we’re all Wahabi now – and I’m Wa-happy with that.


  4. The danger is that more and more chips are being laid on the table from more and more participants, the time is approaching when people will choose to draw guns instead of letting the cards decide the winner, none of the parties involved can afford to lose.


  5. Excellent analysis, IP.

    In fact one could say that Germany is in the same position: the Americans can print money for longer than an industrialized country can design and produce cars and machinery.


  6. I was reminded of a scene from some documentary or other where it stated that a German panzer tank cost roughly 10x the cost of a railway locomotive (the equivalence in weight, technology and tolerances being much the same in both cases*). You can imagine for an industrialist, this is a dream come true: the cost of labour and materials is the same, the profits for the panzer are vastly better. Plus a government more than willing to purchase as many tanks they could afford. At least in the government of Adolf Hitler, who was, after all, apeing the US corporatocracy – and with good reason. They’d paid his bills.

    For a country on its uppers, it’s a brilliant strategy to fluff up the economic figures! After all, isn’t today’s US industry mainly manufacturing arms? (All the rest are bolting bits of Japanese-made bits and bobs together to make runabouts).

    (*This is a German railway locomotive, not a British one that made funny clanking noises as it went along. Only the GWR used the German optical lining out systems to fine-tune their excellent machines).


  7. @Gemma: “Only the GWR used the German optical lining out systems to fine-tune their excellent machines” was this an early example of a “defeat device” as subsequently adopted by VW? ;-)


  8. “So as already voiced – it’s the end of the line for Saudi, the question is, will they wither and die quietly or will they risk some last ditch strategy, given the history of the region I sense the latter.”

    I’ve been following the Magic Kingdom since 1994. In 1996 we expats had our own precursor to 9/11. I was on the motorway when the blast happened and blew stuff off my apartment roof.

    My thinking is that the violins are appearing on the decks but the real cuplrits will be in Marbella safely the poo hits the aircon. shame because the Arabs I knew were brilliant folks.


  9. I struggle to believe that the Iranians would let so many of their top IRGC folks go to Hajj at the same time.
    If they are that incompetent, they deserve to lose them.


  10. Those weren’t the locomotives making the sound of the wheels going across the rail joints, – the tickety-tack, which is what you heard.

    The British steam locomotive clanked because the bits and pieces that drove the thing had so much slack in them, so as the thing went along and these bits went backwards and forwards, as the wheels turned, they rattled on their pivot bolts. A common Reichsbahn goods locomotive was better engineered than the Mallard.


  11. Muddy waters, why was this not on MSM

    Important to note too, MoD analysts in this report state, the Federation, prior to yesterdays combat, attempted to forestall war when, back in August, all of the Syrian opposition groups were invited to Moscow to mediate and end to this conflict.

    However, this report continues, with the Obama regime blocking all avenues of peace, Russia was left with no choice but to declare war on ISIS/ISIL thus causing President Putin to shame these Western warmongers by stating earlier this week at the United Nations:


  12. No, it wasn’t! It was quite the reverse, because it saved the GWR huge amounts of money because their trains didn’t break down as much. The other railways were so impoverished that they simply couldn’t afford them – the dear old Reichsbahn could though, and they had all their profits skimmed off by the Allies as reparations. It was only when Kenneth Cook took over as the chief engineer for the Eastern Region (formerly LNER) that the old locos suddenly leapt into new life – including the record breaking Mallard (which suffered a colossal breakdown during its speed run, all due to slack tolerances… )

    And please remember that whilst the VW corporation has been caught cheating (and to be honest, most motorcar manufacturers have been – but it’s only the Guardian that’s picked up on this – the rest of the British Media are bleating to the same tune as usual) – look for vehicles older than 20 years and there is a substantial number of VWs amongst them.


  13. I assume you mean ‘lining up’ or ‘aligning up’ rather than ‘lining out’? Lining out means painting red/black/gold lines/bands on engines and tenders. The GWR did of course use Zeiss optical aligning equipment for aligning up the centre of the cylinders to the wheel centres on steam locomotives. Not criticizing Gemma – just clarifying. ;-)


  14. “What we need is a new story one we can believe in” Thus ends this YouTube video.

    There is no God but God and Muhammad is his prophet is much simpler and perversely more hopeful than the current western thinking. The west is desperately short of leaders.


  15. I’m so glad that we have this clarification Bernard. This discussion of steam locomotives was riveting.

    German rivets are certainly the best.


  16. Yes and how about the “Barrel bomb” info war? These are just improvised munitions using oil drums, and used when one has run down the supply of ‘proper’ bombs with aerodynamic profils and stabilizing fins. Which the hoi polloi for some reason imagine can’t nearly be as evil and devilish as the unsanctified and improper “Barrel Bombs.”


  17. Bill Casso, do the Brits even make rivets these days?? I thought the bosses had sold all that stuff to the Chinese…


  18. Thank You most kindly. Your comparison of mighty industrial machine costs has somehow managed to remind me that yesterday I had planned to pick up some items at the local hardware store, though their identity eludes me at the moment.

    Voilà, now I recall exactly. Special power cord for an Apple TV yet to hook up!


  19. German’s tend to over-engineer everything – a classic example was the German panzer of WWII, built to last 3 years (I think) therefore took longer to make, but actual life-expectancy on the battlefield, 3 weeks. Russia loved it.

    They are still doing it with their products.


  20. The war is a distraction from the economic reality of a nation using the global reserve currency and all its financial manipulations to maintain world domination. That I think is the primary motive…

    Russia may have gone in to support Assad, but China is there too and Iran now joining the party it would only take say India to join now. That’s the only way for those nations to bring the USA to book on the economic policy and rather a good one to show the pure hypocrisy of the west…

    The toryagraph summed it up today OUR CHOICE AS A NATION IS ISIL OR ASSAD., easy choicehere then got to admit I would “definitely” prefer Assad to ISIL what do you say Cameron??? The bluff called, go on keep supplying guns to ISIL and when this is over YOU ARE WHOLLY RESPONISBILE FOR THE GENOCIDE THAT OCCURS.

    If we had not been vassal states of the USA we would not eve be there to condone their actions makes you wish the special relationship was dissolved.


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