SLOG ON TOUR: War is Peace, Money is Sex, Left is Right, Near is Far, Innocence is Guilt, and Basil is just putting up the moosehead now.

Driving back around the M25 London orbital today, I passed a poster headlined, ‘Where wealthy men date beautiful women’. I was both amazed, disappointed and uninterested all at the same time. But afterwards (chewing with some difficulty on a ‘premium’ sausage roll) some truly dark questions occurred to me. Such as:

  1. If and when the species does ever evolve, why are we assuming an ascent will be involved? Based on ads like that one, isn’t there every chance it will be a matter of getting back down on four legs?
  2. The strategy must be working, otherwise they wouldn’t be able to afford 96-sheet supersite posters. Does this mean lots of rich blokes are superficial in their definition of beauty, and beautiful women think all factors are superfluous compared to money?
  3. What do the wannabe beauty-wealth seekers write down when asked to scope out the kind of date they’re after? I mean to say, what is there to say beyond “I want supermodel sex” (the blokes) and “I want superrich treatment” (the women)?

Anyway, as I neared this, the last hotel of my tour , I googled the poster headline. Disturbingly, there were 36.7 million results. Here’s a selection:

datebeautywealthSo as you can see, they’re not pissing in the wind with this idea.

This is what the blurb for one site tells you:

‘ is a site which has bold and beautiful young ladies looking out for dating a wealthy man. The website is pretty biased as the membership is free for girls who are in search of rich men. Hence, you would find more stunning ladies then rich men signing up for this site.’

“Three girls for every guy….” as the Beachboys once sang in a faraway and more innocent age.

This stuff brings out two desires in me: first, to get  Harriet Harman to debate the Wimmin’s side of the deal; and second, to get a rigid neoliberal like Daniel Hannan to explain why Rich guys could be that stupid as to sign up for a guaranteed gold-digger. As the copulation commences, you can almost hear the man begging, “Please be gentle with my bank account”

I was trying to find a meaning to all this right up until the moment when the airport hove into view. I cruised along the road identified by and Google maps both as the exact position of the hotel I’d booked. Not only was the hotel not to be found at at the forecast venue, nobody on the airport complex had ever heard of it. Eventually, by sheer chance I stopped to ask an old lady if she knew its location, and she pointed me in the right direction. It was in fact five miles away from both the road and the airport location given out by Google, and in a village that is nowhere to be found on the website directions.

I casually mentioned on arrival at reception that the journey had taken two hours from Kent, and then an hour gaining The Knowledge on every square metre of the Stansted Airport. Ironic sarcasm doesn’t fly that well when you’re speaking someone’s third language, so I reverted to “Did you know this place is impossible to find?”

“Yes,” the concierge replied, “Quite a lot of people say that”.

Another desperate attempt at Building the Better Key was supplied for the purpose of opening my room door. If you approached the sensor from the North East and turned the card upside down, the door opened. That only took five minutes to work out. The decor was of good quality and unfeasibly bad taste; sort of old Chinese restaurant meets Arab bathroom. In places, it evoked memories of the mafiosa interior designer portrayed by Angelica Houston in the film adaptation of Richard Condon’s wonderful novel Prizzi’s Honour – that is, execrable and yet at the same time surreal.

I performed some email drudge, and then used the loo. It overflowed.

Safely removed from the lake that had been room 23, I settled down into Room 9 (featuring lime-green sparkly sink set against sky blue and brown shower curtain) tweeted one or two things about refugees, and then turned as the door opened.

“There nobody in this room,” asserted a startled maid.

“That’s right,” I said, “I’m a malign figment of your imagination.

The staff were a familiar mix of Asian, Bulgarian, Spanish, Polish and cockney, but they put in a huge and courteous effort to overcome organisational chaos capable of making Basil Fawlty seem the ultimate in well-organised hotel management. A hour later the wifi died, and so I gave up and went to bed. At 4am the TV turned itself on, and at 7 am another maid appeared. For some reason, it reminded me of being in hospital.

It being 7am and me being awake, I continued reading Paul Gambaccini’s diaries. Kept during his year of being on bail while the Met Police slowly get round to accepting that Paul is a gay bloke with zero interest in abusing small children, the pernicious nature of the forces behind his arrest were, as always, creepily apparent. I was saddened but not remotely surprised that, the minute he was cautioned and interrogated on ludicrously trumped-up charges, Ed Miliband’s Labour troupe dumped Paul (a lifelong supporter and philanthropist) from all  their fundraising bashes.

I attracted unpleasant hate-mail during 2010-11 for opining that, like his brother David, Miliband minor is a one for running like a jack-rabbit from the sound of gunfire… did so many self-styled leftist stalwarts the minute McAlpine got in among the chickens after being falsely accused of paedophile offences.

Well, his replacement is by contrast renowned for being a gunfire magnet. After Blair, Brown and Miliband, what a pleasant change this will be. Maybe not for me (I won’t be here anyway) but certainly for those unfortunates sinking into the slime that lines the dirty bottom of Oceana Britannica.

I packed and made my way over to the ‘car rental village’. It felt good to be leaving.

40 thoughts on “SLOG ON TOUR: War is Peace, Money is Sex, Left is Right, Near is Far, Innocence is Guilt, and Basil is just putting up the moosehead now.

  1. Welcome to the World as everyone now knows it to be….

    Shame so few have the knowledge gained from 50 or so years ago when things worked and progressively improved.

    I have given up seeking. I relax within my laurels and watch the show.

    It has been as good as it ever could have gotten. The show is a great entertainment.

    Please speak American from now on.


  2. Karl Marx said all sex is prostitution. It’s certainly about money and power. As universal a truth as Newton’s law of gravitation even if it is marketed as something else.


  3. TWO thoughts John…

    1. With you preaching to the sad unfortunates beating on the Chunnel’s door in Calais there’d be no need for the army or police – or even a fence. I think your views of the country they are trying to break into would soon give those refugees from misfortune a preference to take their chances with the Taliband or ISIS.

    2. “Does this mean lots of rich blokes are superficial in their definition of beauty, and beautiful women think all factors are superfluous compared to money?” John, John, John – C’mon John. You were in adland long enough to know very well that ’twas ever thus. Back in those golden old days though we just tended to put it out with a tad more subtlety.
    Of course it was ever thus. I mean Bernie Ecclestone? Donald Trump? Hugh Heffner??? Bashar al-Assad????
    Money, power and influence – the biggest aphrodisiacs of all.
    At least I’ve never had to worry about gold diggers. It’s all been done by charm.


  4. Dating web sites? here’s nothing new under the sun! There have always been numbers of sad schmucks, hard nosed chancers and poor old tools in search of love/meal ticket/raunchy one-nighters. The internet has brought the sport into a more easily accessible medium and provides a more efficient way for the brokers to fleece the vulnerable and for the cynical to exploit the gullible. Then there are the professional beauties who find endless wealth the finest aphrodisiac – how else could a that old scrote Ecclestone pull top tottie?


  5. I am all for planes for crossing oceans, but in western Europe I would always opt for a train. I’ll be putting my money where my mouth is for the next three weeks. But three weeks without The Slog….that will be a challenge.


  6. You seem to have stayed in the South East around London. That’s like judging France based on a week in Paris. Cities have their own madness don’t they?


  7. try the airport hotels around london.. a completely mixed nationality of staff very few of which can communicate clearly in english. i have no problem with it except it is england and surely its not too much to expect understandable english.. still it does give plenty of opportunity to practise patience..


  8. @ Jackie

    I agree – and have made this point in previous posts. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, life in the Pennines is heavenly.


  9. Slam Dunc – bad service and crappy infrastructure in no way compare to regular beheadings, random shootings, insane religious laws et al. Not to mention regular bombing campaigns by the so-called “civilised” West.
    Try spending a few minutes considering what it would take for YOU to leave your entire life behind – home, work, extended family, friends – and travel to another country where you know you are not wanted. You might learn some tolerance for the misfortune of others…


  10. John. Your alleged tryst at Waterlooo Saturday has put you in a salacious state of mind if you ve gone to the trouble of pasting wealth dating sites on your blog . Settle down ….especially when you return to ” act as if sex doesn t exist whilst simultaneously debauching everything available” Catholic France.

    And BTW — I think you ll find it was ” two girls for every guy ” and it was ” Surf City ” by Jan and Dean ,…


  11. ‘….It felt good to be leaving…’
    Indeed. All most of us can do is avoid the voting and the feeding of the many headed tax monster.
    Otherwise, there are still places on these islands to enjoy, free from the worthless invaders.


  12. carroccio1958,
    Correct on the artist and actual lyric, but it was written by Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) and Jan Berry (Jan and Dean).



  13. Hurry on back and write another piece about good old GB. Beats the Daily Mail’s hilariously stupid headlines and articles by a mile – and that’s where i usually go for a laugh in the morning…..


  14. Rowan

    Your comments are often well expressed and thought provoking. However, in this instance, you do yourself no justice by relying on emotional blackmail and over generalisation. The comment to which you responded here alluded to ‘sad unfortunates’ and in any case clearly contained an element of tongue in cheek. Romantic self-righteousness and grabbing the moral high ground are not good ways to carry an argument: try spending a few minutes considering the bigger picture and the impossibility of sustainably solving the world’s problems through mass immigration.


  15. Briffaults law is all you need to know about relationships – once you get it into your head you can take the search for sex one hell of a lot less seriously.


  16. I’ll be travelling over the Northern Pennines this weekend on the way to Glasgow & much further South in a few weeks travelling to deepest Cornwall with my Wife but on both counts whilst the beauty of the Pennines behold me their greatest gift to me is the mild winters they give us in the East,but hoping for good weather on both trips!


  17. +10
    To those sharing similar views to Rowan’s, one should ask how many rooms in your home are you prepared to share with these refugees, how much extra tax are you willing to pay for their keep, how much of your children’s education are you prepared to sacrifice due to a large increase in class sizes, or how many months waiting for an operation are you prepared to surrender so that an already over-burdened NHS can accommodate all these extra thousands now, hundreds of thousands if the wave continues. As selfish as this sounds, the peoples of Britain, and most of Europe, have been making these sacrifices for many years but there has to come a time when it’s no longer sustainable without destroying its very viability.

    I’m sure Rowan is aware that many of these past, present and future immigrants wish to see those “insane religious laws” to which he refers imposed on the countries in which they seek refuge. The only way to avoid this, since governments are now too chicken to resist the pressure from those already inside the gates, is to severely limit new entries.


  18. So Alexei, your logic is that those fleeing these terrible crimes against humanity are doing so ,so they can spread the very terror their fleeing from,now i do realise that a very small minority will be future terrorist,but most are fleeing tyranny not spreading it,maybe if you come down of the ceiling you might see the picture for what it is,yes ISIS & Al Qeada & Islamic fundamentalist need stopping,but genocide isn’t the answer,bombing Assad & ISIS & creating a vacuum that most probably will be filled by AL Qeada isn’t the answer,restoring trade & safety & offering hope for those who reject this evil is.
    But Islamic fundamentalism hasn’t been this strong since the 3rd crusade & all humanity has to ask the question why now,not 50 100 200 yrs ago but now! & starve the beast with hope & deed of what kept it in potent for so long & work to restore it!
    But in the mean time their will be a need to quell but not to quell for quelling sake for that will achieve nothing,unless the first part is administered & also in the mean time we must offer hope & sanctuary even if that is in camps(& much of this is from the Turks bombing the Kurds) for the dark ages will appear pleasant to a Iron curtain of mistrust & propaganda that humanity as the capability of pursuing for hundreds years at a time in bloody mindedness.


  19. Yes I got the element of tongue in cheek, believe it or not. I still thought the original comment by Slam was tasteless and unnecessary.
    Morals make humanity – without morals we are mere animals. If considering “the bigger picture” means losing my morality then thanks but no thanks.
    By this stage the world’s problems are pretty much beyond solving, we are in severe overshoot and have been for decades. Mass immigration is here whether you like it or not, and will only get worse as time goes on. I prefer to help those less fortunate than myself, it does wonders for my self esteem. Share the love, not the hate.


  20. You have a knack, Rowan, of using emotive rhetoric to impute meaning to other peoples’ words that isn’t actually there. Nobody here is sharing hate; far from it, many of us care every bit as much as you do but see different solutions to the ones you clearly favour. Please don’t patronise us by implying that yours is a superior humanity, and please don’t put words into my mouth.


  21. Hieronimusb – share the love not the hate was intended as a general outlook for life, not aimed at you specifically.

    I would love to see other solutions being offered, other than “bomb the countries we don’t like”, but in the meantime the refugees are massing and have to go somewhere; it seems to me that the “civilised” West that helped create so many of the problems they are fleeing should take at least some of the responsibility for the consequences of their actions over the decades since WW1.
    Mass migration has occurred throughout human history – starting with the exodus from Africa – and I don’t expect it to end any time soon, particularly as the climate continues to warm and weather becomes more extreme.
    As I said earlier, there is no solution, the population bomb has already exploded, it is too late to “do” anything about that. Most of the world’s accessible resources have already been exploited, it is too late to “do” anything about that either. All we are left with are the consequences of our previous hedonistic actions, and denying acceptance and assistance to those who desperately need it (as Alexei would apparently have us do) is cruel and inhumane.
    Emotional rhetoric is the only tool I have to fight those who refuse to face the facts, who insist that “what’s mine is mine and I won’t share it” despite all moral arguments to the contrary (again, not directed at you personally).


  22. Not aimed at me at all would have been a better apology. When you’ve finished lecturing us, you can ride your hobby horse wherever you like as far as I’m concerned, but do please try to remember the highway code. Feel free to have the last word if it pleases you.


  23. Right Evo put on a happy face that will fix the problem. Let’s all gather round and sing kumbaya and then invite those without homes to share ours.


  24. I had to share this.

    “I got a phone call: saying. “I’m a journalist from The Sun.” I said, look, you can be one or the other but, you can’t be both.”

    John McDonnell MP
    Shadow Chancellor.


  25. If these so called asylum seekers have come seeking an asylum, they’ve well and truly found one here in Germany – the country is populated with lunatics.

    My prescription for the incomers is to begin their cultural adaptation at once on arrival – we’ll open up the lovely Catholic church halls and serve ’em up a huge plate of roast pork – “Schweinebraten”.


  26. I see the Germans have very kindly (according to the Daily Mail) billeted some of them at Buchenwald concentration camp, now back in business after 70 years. You really couldn’t make it up.


  27. OTT but yesterday I was in starbucks passing a short break between appointments so I utilised their free wifi facility.

    I was browsing NakedCapitalism’s daily offerings when I was captivated by a synopsis that went something like the following:

    70 year old programmer recording ancient programming language on GitHub.

    To read this article one had to click on the publishing site’Motherboard’ (a reputable widely used geeky site)

    This I did.

    The response I got was a surprise and went like this.

    Due to Starbucks family friendly stance you are unable to access this site!

    I just wonder if Starbucks has now passed on my details to some paedophile watch org.

    I have subsequent read the article and it is about an obscure prog. language authored in the 60’s and effectively dead by early 70’s called SPITBOL.

    Ho hum, the wonders of the survellence society.


  28. In a lot of your posts, such as, Human made pollution, Fracking et c. and caring about War Ravished Peoples I agree with you mostly( not about AGW), but I think you have been very disingenuous to posters here with your “You might learn some tolerance for the misfortune of others…” attitude.

    This video, posted on an earlier post by Stevo, needs reposting.

    I am well aware this refugee crisis is an effect and not the cause but more should be asked of the situation in the “why” also, than just keeping a tight perspective, ie Why now? this “civil war” has been going on for four and a half years and how has the Wests involvement so far helped? or have they made it worse! and are the West picking sides without very good and clear evidence et c.

    As Turkey is a Nato member and relatively safe,the west could be better employed for the refugees and their own populations sakes, instead of taking in hundreds of thousands of refugees into a Europe that is in an economic downturn(and likely to get worse with all that entails) , to bring the refugee camps up to a far higher standard( through funding/logistics/know-how et c.) and keep people closer to their families/Countries for the time when they can safely return and begin rebuilding physically and mentally, which also would/should include funding et c. from the West et al. and Yes, ALL outside parties should stop interfering militarily, they should instead be aiding in a peaceful way for a long term solution to this “civil war” without further blood shed (jaw jaw not war war).


  29. Respected Sir,
    It appears that you’ve seen the advert for just after the M25 anticlockwise junction with the A12. It’s been there for more than a year.

    Most of the poor sods who have to use that section of the M25 as part of their daily commute have managed to tune it out of their vision. They also wish they could tune-out the male bovine excrement coming out of those in public life – here’s forlornly hoping for something different from JC.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s