Despite yards of Yuan being thrown at it by the Chinese central bank, the Chinese SSEB share index had a horrible overnight, diving by 6.74%, and the Composite by 2.67%. The Comp would’ve breached 3000 without support piling in during the last hour. There can be little doubt that this will be Jeremy Corbyn’s fault by lunchtime. By this evening, the closure of German borders will be down to him too as MI6 and the CIA warn Berlin that Corbyn’s victory at the weekend is encouraging every Islamist to believe that the entire European continent will be forced to adopt Islam once he becomes Prime Minister and invades the mainland.

You might find that amusing, but the reaction to Jez we Can by the British Establishment is no laughing matter. Having invented NVE’s to shut the internet up, Camerlot is already saying that the leader of Her Majesty’s Opposition represents a security threat. Not even Foot managed to extract that from Thatcher, but then had she said such a thing over thirty years ago, she would’ve been a laughing stock.

The oligarch press was ejaculating prematurely throughout Sunday on that and other matters Corbynesque. The Queen has got her bags packed and ordered the helicopter to be turning over 24/7 from now on, everyone aged over 25 in the Labour Party has resigned, Jeremy’s first act in foreign policy will be to bomb the Saudis, there will be a special Labour conference to decide on the best guillotine supplier, everyone who owns their home will be sent to a correction centre in Sunderland, and Mr Corbyn plans to attend his first PMQs clad in a birka.

But in the midst of all this nonsense, there was a quiet announcement that the VIP paedo-murder horror enquiry has been dropped. It was opened after allegations that a girl had died during a paedophile party at the Dolphin Square apartment block in Westminster during 1993.

I said from the outset that I believed this case to be a daft distraction from the Elm House investigation, upon which the ample buttocks of Mayor Silvio Borisconi are sitting still. Others will disagree, but five nobbled police enquiries over forty years suggest otherwise – especially as it is now 2 years and 3 months since Doris Jobsdone said he thought the Met’s Fernbridge revisiting of the Elm House Case was going very well, and he was “fully satisfied with progress”. I’d imagine the next ruse will be to get Chilcot to write the report.

The last time he was asked about progress, the London Mayor said he was “prevented by law from  intervening in the case and thus I cannot comment on your enquiry”, which is odd as BoJo never had any qualms about telling the Police Committee to strangle the Newscorp hacking investigation before it got going. He did say, mind you, that Hackgate was a waste of police time and money, and he was spot on: as he expected, almost everyone got away with it. Hurrah!

But all is well with the world, because the new Dairy Housing, Teaching and Research Facility in the US thinks comfier cows make for much nicer milk: so it’s redesigned the cowbarn accordingly.

“This type of facility does not have any stalls,” said dairy specialist Jeffrey Bewlay, “Instead, cows will be able to lie down in any position they want to within the barn. This has great potential to improve feet and leg health. It will be a tall, open barn designed to maximize natural ventilation, and it will be supplemented with fans and sprinklers for cooling. Twice a day, while the cows are out milking, the bedding will be mechanically stirred and mixed to form a surprisingly dry material with minimal odour where cows can rest.”

But they’re still miles behind George Formby’s favourite haunt Hi-tiddly-i-ty Island where in 1935:

Instead of grass the cows chew pins

and when their milking time begins

the milk comes out in shilling tins

on Hi-tiddly-i-ty Isle

Have a good day.

Yesterday at The Slog: Angela’s Ashes