OFFICIAL: EVERYTHING BEING CONTROLLED BY NOTHING

The Slog investigates the sudden emergence and secretive power of the Nothing Group in world affairs

Yesterday, Western markets faltered because of Chinese woes. Today Chinese woes got worse, but Western market futures recovered. The POBC said there was nothing in the mysterious daily rallies in China’s markets, and Wall Street said nothing in China was guiding US markets.

As the EU refugee crisis worsened again, Brussels said nothing in this mass invasion attached blame to them, because they knew nothing, but there was nothing to worry about.

Agreeing with the EU verdict, Stratford Holdings’ contrarian CEO Will Shakespeare said “Not for nothing is there much ado about nothing”. And the widow of John Lennon Yoko Ono confirmed, “Nothing is real”.

Finally, at 12.30 BST today, Italy said nothing would stop it imposing identification checks at Brennero on the border with Austria after receiving a request from Germany for help in easing the flow of migrants into Bavaria. Tackled about the variance between this and Germany’s claim to be “setting a humanitarian example” on the refugee issue, Angela Merkel told a press conference, “There’s nothing in it”.

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You tread a dangerous path once you start investigating Nothing. It’s influence is everywhere to be seen, but nobody wants to talk about it….let alone go into details of any kind.

In the last 72 hours alone, Nothing has been seen behind the yo-yoing Shanghai index, and guiding US markets from a secret redoubt in China – one of its many bunkers. The European Commission has blamed Nothing for attaching blame to the slow EU response to refugees entering the Union. Said Jereboam Drivelbloke, “I know something of Nothing’s involvement in this, and believe me there is everything to worry about when it comes to Nothing. You should see the way they stroke white cats.”

Shakespeare and The Widow Ono are firm believers in Nothing. And seven thousand miles to the West of Java, Italy accused Nothing of sabotaging immigrant inflows – a claim backed up by none other than Good Queen Geli, the Belly in Berlin.

Some people engaged in nefarious financial activities stop at Nothing, but others go the whole hog. “They are like Nothing on Earth,” explained the scared CEO of one Italian company, “Next to nothing, the Mafia is like a Sunday School.”

But perhaps it is time for us all to wake up to one simple fact in all this mess: we have Nothing to lose.

20 thoughts on “OFFICIAL: EVERYTHING BEING CONTROLLED BY NOTHING

  1. I do NOT have a belly ! If you address me as Geli the Belly again I will descend on your Gallic redoubt with all my battalions of Valkyries , change my name to Nellie and put my ( minimalist) belly close to yours .
    Would you survive that ?!

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  2. And amidst all this nothingness, the French decide it’s the right time to push plans for fiscal and political union in the Eurozone –
    “German Vice Chancellor and Economy Minister Sigmar Gabriel said of the proposals floated by French Economy Minister Emmanuel Macron, “To my French colleagues, I say ‘You need to flesh this out’…Money must be generated for the Eurogroup budget…My big concern is that next someone will have the idea that this will be raised from ordinary people with a euro tax, or a value-added tax. I would be strictly against that.” CDU Deputy Parliamentary Chairman Ralph Brinkhaus took a stronger line saying, “This is not the time to demand a fundamental renewal and further deepening of the European Union…First of all we need to get to the point where the member states stick to the jointly agreed rules, for example on financial stability.”
    Source: Reuters

    Is this desperation from the sinking French economy? How popular do they imagine it will be amongst voters? Does anyone think the German VC gives a monkey’s about “ordinary people”? On the other hand, they all need to raise the money to cope with the flood of migrants from somewhere ………………

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  3. Don’t forget “Seinfeld”: “The Show About Nothing” (NBC 1989-1998).
    George Costanza: “Jerry, it’s perfect. It’s a show about nothing.”
    Jerry Seinfeld: “I think you’ve got something there.”

    “I see Nothing. I hear Nothing. I say Nothing. I know Nothing.” –Sergeant Hans Schultz, Luft Stalag 13

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  4. “Nobody is hurting me!”
    –Cyclops to fellow One-Eyed Jacks as Odysseus blinds him with a hot, sharp plank. Homer, “The Odyssey”

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  5. alexei

    ‘Is this desperation from the sinking French economy?’ Yes.

    ‘Does anyone think the German VC gives a monkey’s about “ordinary people”?’ Yes, if they are German and can vote for his party.. or not.

    And so we see that the Germans are distinctly ambivalent about their poor relations and not so ambivalent about their own national sovereignty when it comes down to it. Which is, of course, only natural. Far from preventing war in Europe, it is easy to see how the project will almost certainly, given the present trajectory and in due course, be the cause of it. There is already, quite undeniably, financial war: how long before the strongest nation, in order to ‘defend’ itself, is left with no alternative but to engage in the real thing? Again..

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  6. We the willing, lead by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much with so little for so long that we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

    Don’t knock nothing!

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  7. Like old Norman Lamont singing in the bath when we were unceremoniously dumped from the ERM, “Non – je don’t regrette nuffink”. Incidentally, for those who may have missed this little gem when it first was published by Punch Magazine:
    http://cdn.c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I0000gEcP4bGar3s/s/900/720/Families-Relationships-Cartoons-Punch-1915-02-24-150.jpg Perhaps Frau angelteuton will favour us with a few words of explanation as to what is going on here … :-)

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  8. AHA ! I think I know what the solution to “nothing” is.

    I am currently campaigning for Nobody.

    Vote for Nobody.

    You can trust Nobody.

    Nobody cares about YOU !!!

    Nobody will protect YOUR interests.

    Nobody will end all poverty.

    Nobody will end all hunger.

    Nobody will cure all diseases.

    Nobody believes in nothing.

    Nobody will devote every waking hour to doing nothing.

    VOTE NOBODY !!!

    You know it makes sense.

    Like

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