drivelbank ‘The ECB has sent a strong signal of trust in the implementation of a third program by increasing its ELA support to Greek banks. The ECB underlines that it considers Greek banks fundamentally solvent.Mr. Draghi is optimistic that a bridge financing will be in place to cover Greek repayments to the ECB on 20 July.The ECB decision is a continuation of its policy path and consistent with its decisions of the past few months. The ECB strictly excludes the possibility of a Grexit, thereby rejecting in particular some such calls in Germany.The ECB support for debt relief for Greece is remarkably strong, thereby providing support for the IMF call to do so. This may receive criticism, in particular in Germany.’

Statement from the European Central Bank yesterday

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 “Oh bother, oh blow!” said Wolfie the myopic Mole, “hang fiscal cleansing, I need a bank holiday”. And so he burrowed his way to the surface from the bunker deep beneath Berlin that had become his home, until eventually his little pointy nose sniffed the air on Planet Eurogroupe.

“I know that odour,” he muttered, “why, that’s my good and faithful creature Ratty Dutchbuffoon”.

“Hahahahah and what-ho Wolfie,” said Dutchbuffoon, “I’m off for a trip downstream to celebrate the opening of my unique hairdressing salon Chez Jeroan”.

“Really?” said Wolfie the Mole, trying to sound interested, “Why is it unique?”

“No haircuts are allowed!” Ratty replied, laughing fulsomely at his own joke.

rattyboatAnd so it was that Ratty rowed them gently along the river until they sighted the familiar mooring of Draghi Badger Bank.

“Come on,” said Dutchbuffoon, “let’s go and borrow a few quid from Badger…he’s got a licence to print money you know”.

“I don’t like the idea of printing money,” said Wolfie the Mole, “I prefer being miserable and deflated”.

“Cooo-eeee,” said Draghi the Badger, waving as he saw them pulling in to the bank.

“What did he say?” the Mole asked suspiciously, his little eyes darting hither and thither;

“He said ‘QE’,” Ratty replied, “it’s the Badger’s new solution to all our problems. If we want to save the Drivel Bank for future generations, we must all QE you know”.

“Oh really,” muttered the Mole doubtfully.

“Do come ashore,” said Draghi the Badger, “and stop being such an old misery Wolfie, for there is much to celebrate, now that Alexi Stoatpris is chained to the bank forever”.

“We should’ve drowned him when we had the chance,” Wolfie remarked as he stumbled awkwardly onto the bank.

“Hahahahahaooow,” roared Dutchbuffoon. “Why do that when we can rob the fuckers blind?” he asked, momentarily stepping outside his Kenneth Grahame persona.

“Now then you two,” said the kindly old Badger, “no more talking shop. I’ve asked Mr Toad if he will open your new hairdressing emporium Ratty, and he has firmly agreed so to do”.

“Excellent!” spluttered Butchbuffoon as he high-fived the Draghi Badger.

draghibadger  “Here’s to crime and voter apathy!” said Ratty as he raised his glass.

 Badger nodded sagely as he tucked into a Salami of Varoufakis sandwich.

 “What we need is more bank holidays,” observed Wolfie, cleaning his glasses, “those who don’t obey the rules must be starved into obedience, submission, servitude, slavery, forced labour, poverty, and then very small lifeless shapes that can be recycled for a purpose so secret that Sicherheit must be observed at all times and without exception…”

“Er yes, quite,” Draghi said quietly, “Now come on Moley, lighten up”.

But before Wolfie the Mole could spit his angry response, a large and rather self-satisfied reptile hove into view.

“Poop-Poop!” slavered their endlessly tedious friend Mr Verhofstoad.

toadcarpt“Hahahahahaaooow,” said Dutchbuffoon, “are you ready to open my new salon Mr Toad?”

“Salon?” yelled Verhofstoad, “Salon? You talk of tonsorial tittle-tattle when I am on my way to plunder the energy resources of the Syrizans?”

“Halt’s Maul Mensch!” screamed Wolfie, freed at last from his disguise as the Myopic Mole, “do you vant to spoil it for ze rest of uns you Belgian Dummschokoladekopf?”

“Poop-Poop!” said the grinning Toad.

Draghi the Badger shook his head, tutting sotto voce.

“Come on Toad,” said Dutchbuffoon, “Let’s get you home before you do any more damage”.

moletoadrat“It’s so unfair,” Verhofstoad whined, “all I wanted was to do my job as a good euroneoglobalmultiliberal fattie”.

“Then do so with more finesse,” said Wolfie the Mole, his disdainful nose pointing to the skies,”or I may have to arrange for your failed State to be incorporated into the Reich”;

“You would do well to listen to the Mole,” Dutchbuffoon opined, “for he has your best assets at heart”.

Yesterday at The Slog: Guy Verhofstadt revealed as mouthpiece for Greek privatisers