Having fully recovered from first firing himself and then rehiring himself as UKip ‘leader’, Mr Hairgel Mirage MEP has been pontificating again in his usual spot atop the compost heap formerly known as the Daily Express….a newspaper owned by Lord Desmond of Soho via his media conglomerate Omnitits. For a clubbable chap allegedly supportive of The Little Man, Mirage was extremely lite on the subject of how Athens is being rogered up the tradesman’s entrance by a bunch of neolib thugs who equate reform with lower taxes for business, and lower pensions for the vulnerable. This is of course easily explained by the fact that he hates the EU’s preoccupation with regulating headcase bankers, but also supports the idea of people being bludgeoned into paying off debts that were nothing to do with them in the first place.
It’s a conundrum for Nige, which he skirts around by observing that nobody knows what to do and the EU is split north and south and aren’t foreigners funny haw-haw.
One thing about Nigel Fartarse we can accept, however, is that he is unlikely ever to sport skinny-fit jeans. And it’s a good thing for him he doesn’t I can tell you, because the Safety Goblins have decreed that skinnyfits are dangerous and can result in Comportment Syndrome.
They’ve reached this scientific conclusion on the basis of 1 (one) woman who crouched while wearing this fashion form for several hours….for she was engaged in cleaning out her kitchen cupboards. We aren’t told what comportment syndrome is as such, but it sounds to me like some kind of Quasimodo stance problem where protruding eyeballs stare in opposing directions and legs are unable to straighten. The sufferer is eventually condemned to live above Notre Dame Cathedral, swinging on the bells while yelling, “It’s the skinny fits you know, I’m a martyr to my knees”.
This is the Best of the Web according to today’s Daily Mail:
- There’s another recession coming and this time there might be nothing we can do to stop it
- Could Uber-style apps make private planes affordable?
- 12 secrets of how they build airports
- What are the ethics of alien contact?
- The simple law that keeps every satellite in space
- Why can’t we all write the date the same?
- How people can create totally fictitious memories they utterly believe
- The country that wants to abolish suicide
- Why did American TV&Radio announcers used to sound so weird
- Scientists still don’t know what colour really is
- Now everybody’s job is at risk from robots
- The plant whose sting can drive people to madness
- Skyscraper of the future looks like nothing on earth
- Why being a jerk can pay off at work
- Could shocking your brain make you smarter
The Slog 