At the End of the Day

Sadly the time has come once again to engage in another enervating session of software techie insanity-bashing.

At one time – about eight years ago – I used to post to YouTube all the time. It was a ricketty, hit-and-miss process….but on the whole, it was slow yet relatively straightforward.

In 2015, it is fast and easy if you’re a veteran. If you’re a novice, it’s impenetrable.

I should like to ask YouTube:

1. Where is the Save function?

2. Is there any way you might consider WTF the difference is between the pc-based webcam upload and the YouTube version, as they seem to me as identical and mysterious as the Barclay twins.

3.  Why does every sharing medium I choose evoke either the response “unable to connect” or “unable to obtain authorization” when my internet connection is rock-solid and I’ve just authorised use of my video?

4. Why in the Help section are there thousands of users all asking Qu 3 above, but not receiving an answer?

5. Aye you so crap through (a) idleness (b) stupidity (c) a grudge against society or (d) a selection process that screens out everyone not suffering from a rare but extreme form of Gordon Brown syndrome?

YouTube was created by three former Paypal employees in February 2005. In November 2006, it was bought by Google for $1.65 billion. These jokers trousered over a billion and a half bucks in 18 months….and nine years on, it’s as badly explained as ever. Unbelievable.


Do you own a dishwasher? I do. And I bet yours can’t do what mine can do. Mine has the ability to let you begin the program in 3,4,5, or 9 hours time…and the capacity to bamboozle Einstein on the subject of how to get out of the 9 hrs hence option, having unwisely chosen it.

What’s more, it has that dinky closure springs, plastic wheels and runners feature inside for maximum difficulty in putting the levels back in at something other than a jaunty angle with at least one level stuck halfway out.

Do you own a washing machine? I do. And I bet yours can’t do what mine can do. Mine has 17 programs using four temperature variants including a handwash cycle. That’s sooooo neat, right? Well it would be, except the four variants are on a touch-screen, and no matter how you touch the screen it stays on 60 degrees. This means you can put that woollen jumper in for a no-hassle handwash, and it comes out ready to give to your 3 year-old granddaughter as her present for next Christmas.

The bottom line on my washing machine is thus that it offers me 66 options, and I use 1 (one). It says ‘coloureds and whites’ in the best multi-racial tradition, and it works just fine.

I’ve decided we need a more accurate descriptor for all this stuff, because hi-tech just doesn’t do it justice.

I think hype-tech is the term we seek.

Earlier at The Slog: The fading power of the US Fed

14 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. @Richard Gurney…

    An Oldie, but still a Goodie for the one or two Sloggers who have yet to see it.
    The Lightbulb Conspiracy.


  2. @Richard Gurney

    An oldie but a goodie for the one or two Sloggers that have yet to see it…

    The Lightbulb Conspiracy


  3. A relly of mine had a high-tech programmable kettle.
    Top German brand, LCD display and buttons and a bleeper to set the tempreature.
    Cost ~£100, died after a few years due to limescale.
    I got a kettle for £5, on-off button and that’s it.
    It will probably die after a few years due to limescale, at which point I will invest another fiver.
    Less is more (or at least no worse).

    Moral of the story – if you are a high-techophobe, don’t waste your money on high-tech stuff.
    Buy low tech, be happy.


  4. If you dishwasher doesn’t respond to Ctrl-Alt-Del, then switch it off at the mains, wait half-a-mo and switch it back on again. ;-)


  5. As we’ve discussed here before, my advice is to only buy the lowest-tech stuff available, this applies to virtually everything these days, but especially white/brown goods and vehicles. As a professional engineer in a former life, I became to realise that “High-Tech” = “High-Cost” trouble!


  6. I have spent THREE HOURS in a phone queue where I am trying to get some answers for a Tax credit query… After being told repeatedly that I can go on-line to get said answers and to fill in the declaration form, I decided that my ear could stand no more of the awful guitar plinking ghastliness of the ‘hold queue’ so I plonked phone down and set about ‘sorting it all out online’ as suggested. The process requires that you ‘Verify’ yourself using any one of five PRIVATE (grr!) company’s systems… so, armed with the required passport, driving licence and other bits and bobs I went at it with some confidence… An hour and a half later I finally gave up – having been told, despite having followed the instructions to the letter, that I ‘could not be Verified’ as some data didn’t match’… no explanation beyond that. FIVE companies couldn’t verify who I was, I still can’t face the phone hell again… I wonder how many heart attacks and mental breakdowns are caused by this inept crap. Loads I’d imagine… I could hear the blood pumping through my ears by the end of it and had to go and have a bit of a lie down. Tellin ya… modern life is absolutely brim full with toss. So… you have my sympathy John. Oh and I can’t believe that anyone actually falls for that Google ‘do no evil’ bollocks… those bastards are about as evil as they come.


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