Sadly the time has come once again to engage in another enervating session of software techie insanity-bashing.

At one time – about eight years ago – I used to post to YouTube all the time. It was a ricketty, hit-and-miss process….but on the whole, it was slow yet relatively straightforward.

In 2015, it is fast and easy if you’re a veteran. If you’re a novice, it’s impenetrable.

I should like to ask YouTube:

1. Where is the Save function?

2. Is there any way you might consider WTF the difference is between the pc-based webcam upload and the YouTube version, as they seem to me as identical and mysterious as the Barclay twins.

3.  Why does every sharing medium I choose evoke either the response “unable to connect” or “unable to obtain authorization” when my internet connection is rock-solid and I’ve just authorised use of my video?

4. Why in the Help section are there thousands of users all asking Qu 3 above, but not receiving an answer?

5. Aye you so crap through (a) idleness (b) stupidity (c) a grudge against society or (d) a selection process that screens out everyone not suffering from a rare but extreme form of Gordon Brown syndrome?

YouTube was created by three former Paypal employees in February 2005. In November 2006, it was bought by Google for $1.65 billion. These jokers trousered over a billion and a half bucks in 18 months….and nine years on, it’s as badly explained as ever. Unbelievable.


Do you own a dishwasher? I do. And I bet yours can’t do what mine can do. Mine has the ability to let you begin the program in 3,4,5, or 9 hours time…and the capacity to bamboozle Einstein on the subject of how to get out of the 9 hrs hence option, having unwisely chosen it.

What’s more, it has that dinky closure springs, plastic wheels and runners feature inside for maximum difficulty in putting the levels back in at something other than a jaunty angle with at least one level stuck halfway out.

Do you own a washing machine? I do. And I bet yours can’t do what mine can do. Mine has 17 programs using four temperature variants including a handwash cycle. That’s sooooo neat, right? Well it would be, except the four variants are on a touch-screen, and no matter how you touch the screen it stays on 60 degrees. This means you can put that woollen jumper in for a no-hassle handwash, and it comes out ready to give to your 3 year-old granddaughter as her present for next Christmas.

The bottom line on my washing machine is thus that it offers me 66 options, and I use 1 (one). It says ‘coloureds and whites’ in the best multi-racial tradition, and it works just fine.

I’ve decided we need a more accurate descriptor for all this stuff, because hi-tech just doesn’t do it justice.

I think hype-tech is the term we seek.

Earlier at The Slog: The fading power of the US Fed