dacreteethDacre…a prick owned by a toad

PAUL DACRE BOLLOCKS RAISES GLOBAL SUPPORT FOR GREECE BY 500% IN 12 HOURS

Hard on the heels of a Daily Torynaff report claiming that Turkish border guards were allowing huge members of Syrian asylum seekers to cross into Europe aboard holiday ferries serving the Greek islands comes a report in the Daily Mail asking: “How many more can Kos take? Holidaymakers’ misery as boat people from Syria and Afghanistan seeking asylum set up migrant camp to turn popular Greek island into ‘disgusting’ hellhole.”

It speaks volumes for the hearts-of-stone values of Daily Mail readers that they view abject human misery as hugely secondary to their enjoyment of a package holiday. Indeed, the Mail article features British families relaxing on sunbeds only a few metres away from migrants that – obviously – are spoiling the view. There is no irony in the juxtaposition: it is the migrants who are guilty.

Oh dear. I feel a red mist coming on.

One of the most attractive things about Greece for a Grecophile Brit like me is that it was (until it was Troikered) everything Daily Wail readers hate – viz: fun, unpretentious, unpredictable, easy-going, young and largely unspoilt by high-rise package holiday carbuncles.
Daily Mail readers take caravan holidays in Wales or – if they’re really adventurous – Germany and Scandinavia. They cut the crusts off cucumber sandwiches, will shoot anyone who criticises the Royal Family, are gagging to restore the death penalty, and pronounce ‘bucket’ as ‘bouquet’.
What the Dacre Mail does is pander to their myriad bigotries – and by doing so, this petit-bourgeois tabloid has become easily the most commercially successful news site on the internet anywhere – seriously: it is mining an infinite vein of fool’s gold.
Being a confirmed pacifist, I could not of course countenance all Daily Mail readers being sent to concentration camps….despite the fact that the one thing these Nazis need to do is concentrate on using the left cortex now and again. No: instead, I would sentence them all to receiving tickets to a Royal Garden Party.

They would tell their complete nuclear family, every acquaintance in a 20-mile radius, and write to the local paper about the honour bestowed upon them. They would spend upwards of £3000 on dresses, hats, car valets and tailor-made cavalry twill trousers in anticipation of the Big Day.

And then they’d turn up…..only to be told that the tickets were counterfeit.

They would suffer death by a thousand humiliations for the rest of their pointless, curtain-twitching lives. You see, a life sentence will always be a more agonising – and therefore richly deserved – fate than one second’s pain as the trapdoor opens and the rope tightens.  Gilbert & Sullivan were not entirely superficial in their lyrics.

Prison is the most dysfunctional system ever invented for the purpose of reforming the unfortunate: the only thing it breeds is reoffending by the inveterate, and the only thing it serves is mindless retribution – one of the many poisonous things the Daily Mail devotee desires….for other people.

Given that context, Prison in the Community is the most deliciously non-violent punishment a pacifist could devise for all those respectable Brownshirts – who would anyway be far better off reading English translations of either the Völkischer Beobachter, or Der Stürmer.

The more brutal judges might, however, sentence them to five years in Kalamata…but this would be a mistake, for they would all take out citizenship – and then join Chrysí Avgí, that is the Greek neo-Nazi Party Golden Dawn.
I invite my Greek friends to see the Daily Mailer’s views about Greece as the supreme compliment. Ζήτω Ελλάδα!