At the End of the Innuendo

More lines on the misuse of English

I suppose I’m happy that Irish gays can now marry other gays. I wouldn’t say I’m ecstatic about it, because to be honest I think there are far more mainstream injustices in the Republic that should be tackled first. But once they marry, there will still be a further insurmountable problem: where to go for the abortion should one of them fall pregnant.

Yes, it’s Saturday night…and a column of innuendo lies ahead, “You lucky people,” as Tommy Trinder used to say. You may remember ‘innuendo’ as being a word at one time referring to anything that my Grandad Aloysius would’ve called “smut”. Nowadays of course, it has been reinvented by the political class to mean ‘solid evidence of suspicious behaviour we shall deny until Hell freezes over’ in relation to somebody now or once powerful. Keep pointing out the likelihood of this shiftiness, and you will then be accused of ‘trial by mob’. It’s a good point in general of course: but unlike the tabloids, I never ask for a trial – what I ask is why that person hasn’t even been questioned under caution. Names like Piers Morgan spring to mind.

But the thing I’ve always loved about the word ‘innuendo’ is that in and of itself it sounds – you know, a bit, er, ‘f’nar f’nar’. It’s a word with which Larry Grayson would’ve had a lot of fun. One can almost hear the routine:

“So anyway, my friend Everard he said to me, he said ‘that’s innuendo’ he said, so I said well I said shall we leave that til later and while yer at it, shut that door”.

Max Miller would’ve deconstructed the word in this quickfire manner:

“No really missus listen stop giggling girl an’ listen, I met this girl, lovely she was, and she said stop with all this innuendo no really, shurrup you’ll get me banned again, so I says if I put my end in you we’d all be in trouble…’ere no, stoppit, listen….”

Anyway, for the 75+ per cent of the audience who’ve no idea whatTF I’m on about, let’s move on to the news about a team of geneticists concluding that just a handful of Bronze Age men sired three-quarters of all Europeans alive today. Perhaps they should be renamed Bike Age men, and for me that’s the flaw in the theory: the bicycle wasn’t invented until 1790, so one is at a loss to work out how they did it, given the average speed of a chariot was 6.1 kilometres a day.

Truth is, tabloid hacks are on the whole bone idle, and so for added drama they used the word ‘sired’ on this story. The real story is much more interesting: the Y chromosomes of the majority of European men can be traced back to just three individuals living between 3,500 and 7,300 years ago. It’s the same with mice, except the time span is shortened somewhat. If my house here is anything to go by, I’d say we’re talking no more than seven months.

The source article itself, by the way, is absolutely fascinating.

But returning to comics again, this resonates with a lot of Tommy Cooper jokes, for example:

“Now be careful when you’re crossing the road tonight folks, because statistics show a man gets knocked down every five minutes. And ‘e’s bloody fed up of it, I can tell you”.


George Carlin – for my money easily the funniest liberal comic in history – launched the innuendo thing to new heights when he took revenge on the political class by putting their own weasel words under close scrutiny:

Well, mistakes were made but lessons have been learned. People will be investigating how this happened and why. No stone will be left unturned, but when this enquiry stage is over, I will once again put my trust in the innate good sense and wisdom of the American people…..and move on from this unfortunate mishap”.

What hay Carlin would’ve made with the never-ending crop of soundbites emitted by both sides in the Syriza v Troika 2 marathon not so much unfolding as unravelling before our eyes at the moment.

The desperation of both sides (to convince the neutrals that they want the best for the other side) I’m afraid merely serves only to put into sharp focus what I’ve been saying from the start of this farce: they absolutely loathe each other. The body signals between Varoufakis and Dijesslebloem at their first televised meeting represented not just language – more fluent Anglo-Saxon with a bit of consonanted Latin thrown in.

There’s a very good piece at Jacobin this week by the left-wing Greek academic Stathis Kouvelakis that blows the lid off this hypocritical politesse. But for the latest updates, carry on dear reader. Here’s a good one from Twitter:

Tsiprasbite323515Yes, there is a willingness to compromise, but there are also red lines. We have drawn lines in the sand, and the tide may wash them away, but there will always be solid white lines on the road ahead where licenses will be lost if the EU pantechnicon crosses them. And always remember that any tanks arriving in our streets will see double-yellow lines and attract fines which shall be added to the reparations you still owe us from your last visit during the 1941 to 1945 Deutsche Wanderung jamboree.

And from the Troikanauts…this classic yes-and-no release from eurogroupe table-leg Dijesslbleom from eight days ago:

‘The Eurogroup today took stock of the state of play with the ongoing negotiations between the Greek authorities and the institutions. We welcomed the progress that has been achieved so far. We note that the reorganisation and streamlining of working procedures has made an acceleration possible, and has contributed to a more substantial discussion. At the same time, we acknowledged that more time and effort are needed to bridge the gaps on the remaining open issues.’

Yes, we like them really, these sneaky Greasers, and we’re going on with being ongoing about progress, achievements, acceleration and substance. But the bridge we are trying to build still has the all-important middle bit missing leaving it open for innocent Belgian motorists to plunge into the river below thus adding to the litany of crimes already committed by these, our valued Greek EU partners.

One might describe all this as stereophonic innuendo. Personally, I think most of the players in both the media and pol spaces are a bunch of comedians….bell-ends of which I’d like to see an endo.

And now….the Eurovision Song Contest beckons. Thank the Lord for some serious EU culture.

30 thoughts on “At the End of the Innuendo

  1. “And tonight my friends , I am here to re-assure you all , that the future lies ahead and furthermore , if nothing changes , things will remain the same.


  2. Always thought Ireland was a staunchly Catholic society; and, this being so, wonder how they reconcile this latest development with Leviticus 20:13. Still, the potential for spiritual flexibility has always been strong in the human breast I suppose. Self Will, Self Love, Self Justification … works every time!


  3. So this what democracy is about eh,the people get a referendum on gays,try getting a referendum on anything that might matter!!


  4. The Catholic Church in Ireland doesn’t exactly have a terribly good reputation at the moment thanks to all of its sexual abuse, paedophile shenanigans, and cover ups. The “Yes” campaign must have had an enormous boost by people who simply wished to take the opportunity of giving the Catholic church a richly deserved kicking.


  5. Given the relatively high turnout, the referendum probably reflected more a general anti-establishment view, similar to that shown in the UK with growing votes for SNP, UKIP and Greens etc. The Catholic Church, as a major part of the ‘establishment’ in Ireland has undoubtedly assisted this trend by its behaviours, but it is not alone in the causes of this result. I can’t imagine that most of the 62.1% actually give a toss either way about gay marriage, but the vote was a convenient vehicle for a popular display of dissent.


  6. Where to go should one become pregnant ? A lifer at the Magdalene Laundry. Oh no hang on,that’s for the unmarried mothers. Umm good question.


  7. Mark, I’d say that it’s not the Roman Catholic church that matters but the Bible and Ireland’s vote on same sex marriage is contrary to what the Bible teaches. If individuals wish to give the Catholic church a kicking and remaining a Christian then perhaps moving to a Protestant church would be a more sensible way of protesting. To ignore Biblical teaching puts them in the ranks lining up against Jesus. So these people are either ignorant of what it means to be a Christian (and accepting the Bible in its entirety is a prerequisite) or they never were Christians in the first place.


  8. Quite. But 20:13 was ages ago, long before God created Political Correctness because Man has conquered all sin (actually, Woman did it for him). Well, we’re in 20:15 now, and anyway maths was never my strong point. Will Self never did anything for us, not sure about the others…

    Taxi for Hb… on second thoughts, make it an ambulance.


  9. Add me to the ‘non-believer’ list as over my many years I’ve come to conclusion God doesn’t give a toss about Catholic/Hindu/Muslim/Protestant nor Bible/Koran/Bhagavad Gita etc.

    Figure most of blind followers of religion are gonna be shocked when they discover God buys into Wicca these days…

    JC being son-of-God I’ll buy into as long as 50% of human race can claim same. The remaining 50% I’ll grant as daughters-of-God.
    Also, Jesus didn’t agree with the main religions of his day – he dealt directly with God bypassing the priests which pissed them off so I understand.

    Therefore, I choose as Jesus did – direct contact, one to one and upfront in my clumsy humble way with Him/Her.


  10. The Pure Maths master at my school was less than impressed when he saw that I had inscribed the legend “Hard Sums” on the calculus section … no sense of humour, some people … anyway, I would love to see the humourless Mr. Self and a resurrected Mary Baker Eddy in animated conversation. Misery meets Delusion and turn to the bottle for solace – a splendid evening’s viewing.

    Room for two in that ambulance?


  11. This b–s regarding gay rights is just another distraction for the serfs. Keep your eye on the main issue , your imperceptible,creeping loss of freedoms daily.
    Its the economy stupid. We are all rent-paying peons to the fraudalent fiat money system, enforced by the captured. poltical and judicial system.
    You no longer live in a free sovereign country.It has been sold off to the corporations and their bankster friends.
    You no longer have a stake in the country. Power ,gas,water ,transport , telecommunications. Royal mail. You pays your money or get out of town.
    No different from when William the Conqueror in 1066 ,plundered and subdued the natives,and extracted maximum revenue after a country wide audit with his Domesday tally book.
    Of course his enforcers were well rewarded with titles and land too.
    Nothing new under the sun.


  12. We bombed in EU-song contest. I liked the song, so were does that leave me.
    The question I still have running around my head is why does every major religion in the world dislike homo-sexuality especially of the male variety.
    I also cannot see why a group of people who have been vilified by organized religion for millennia are so keen to adopt the trappings eg marriage of these religions, when clearly the members of the religion want nothing to do with them and civil routes are available, is it nothing more base than vengeance.
    Look at it this way, back in the beginning god is deciding does he give Adam a male friend , they will be able to build sofa’s to sit and watch footy on the TV , get drunk and grow old together, and there goes manonlykind. Or God can stick with his first plan, create woman. He knows then comes babies , schools , roads , towns and cities ,shopping malls , holidays , hospitals , capitalism, and all the trappings on 21st century existence, he is happy so am I .


  13. Check out every police force, and magistrate court. ” There all Corperation ” there is no justice, it’s all about the moneeeeeeey
    You have never been free. Remember if you pay tax on anything you don’t own it. Look up John quade on YouTube.!


  14. Of course it’s a distraction:- as is any other part of spending 100% of their time pandering to a plethora of minority issues. That way, the rather more important issue of the wholesale abolition of rights for the majority can continue unchecked.


  15. ted – I laughed when I first heard my step-father come out with that one … oh about fifty years ago! He then went on to say that the suppository the doctor gave him was no use at all – he might just as well have stuck it up his arse. I miss that man all these years later.


  16. The simple reason why major religions dislike homosexuality is that it puts their basic business model at risk. Religions require a growing supply of the poor, down-trodden ‘meek’, to whom they can sell their fables of a better life hereafter. Gay folk, by the very nature of their activities, have tended to bypass the breeding bit, so no masses of poor, uneducated, ragged-arsed kids to be easily brain-washed with ‘the message’.
    A few generations missing and that’s their baseload turnover gone – no dosh, so no palaces for the bishops or popes and no power-base either. Simple business strategy – keep ’em poor, promise ’em more – but the volume of the poor is compromised by any unproductive sexual practices – that’s the only reason the Catholic Church opposes birth control, they always need more poor families to fill the pews and the plates.
    As ‘Deep Throat’ recommended at Watergate, “Follow the Money”.


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