In an amazing political coup that has dwarfed Ed Miliband’s crossed-swords session with Russell Brand, David Cameron has an exclusive 27-page interview in tomorrow’s Daily Torynaff with the new Royal baby.
The Prime Minister remains tight-lipped about the content of the interview, but 27 spin doctors and 14 fibwives confirmed to The Slog tonight that Number Four in the Throne Queue, HRH Unknown Windsor, would definitely be voting Conservative next week.
“This feature will crush the doubters forever and bring you all tons of dosh by Christmas,” commented Conservative Party Chairman Lord Grant Sidney Ethel Green-Shapps of Economic Recovery, inventor of the Hardon Collider.
Similarly, the Daily Wail will have a special New Baby supplement containing 10 things you never knew about the Prime Minister’s unique powers when talking to new-born females.
“The modern Conservative Party is moving beyond the stained past of kissing babies,” commented Home Secretary Theresa May, “David Cameron is leading the way by revealing this new proof that his long term egocentric plan is working.”
The confinement of Queen Catherine of Middleton in waiting led to unconfined joy when the birth was announced, and an entirely coincidental launch by Middleton Celebrations (2015) Ltd of its new even more tasteful Windsor Birth Range.
Guardian article suggesting Unknown Windsor cannot vote for 18 years slammed by CBI as “talking Britain down” – see page 614, column 12, under ‘Births’.