At the End of the Day

Growing old is not primarily about forgetting; it’s about forgetting whether or not you did something.

Growing old is about watching people make the same mistakes you did – and feeling powerless to stop them.

Growing old makes you realise that feminism is a curate’s egg, but ageism is ignored.

Growing old leaves us constantly surprised…especially when we look in the mirror.

Growing old is about realising that you’re cool when you no longer care whether you’re cool or not.

Growing old for blokes means feeling stiff in the mornings, except in the place you’d like to be.

Growing old for women means wondering why wrinkles only work for blokes.

Growing old is about the young Queen you remember from 1953 now having great-grandchildren.

Growing old for Prince Charles is realising that Coronation Street is 55 years old and shows no signs of dying.

Growing old brings a surfeit of wisdom, and a lack of the energy required to express it.

Growing old brings a new wonder every day…for example, why the fuck is Grant Shapps not in prison?

Growing old brings the realisation that you are planting trees for other people.

Growing old means being able to give children back to their parents.

Growing old gracefully is almost impossible; growing old disgracefully is much more fun.

Growing old involves coming to terms with that nagging pain in the joints, and activists who are a permanent pain in the arse.

Growing old is about making way for the new.

21 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. Insightful stuff, John.

    Also: Growing old means not giving a flying fwotsit about what other people think. Great freedom to be had there …

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  2. As someone who’ll be 66 this autumn I totally and completely agree – amazing though how one’s mind compensates for those aches and pains – allowing one to pretend for a while…

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  3. Growing old is to recognise all the lies that have been told yet so many choose to ignore … with a wry smile you can throw all the lies back JW and know they can never answer truthfully.

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  4. “Read your article twice and was bitterly disappointed to find nothing that I disagreed with.
    I will try harder next time and may even resort to nit-picking.”

    In-other-words I’m now a bump-on-the-log, senile and can righteously mouth-off as I please.

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  5. Years ago I worked with a much older fellow who would say to me, “Don’t worry, things will get will get worse”

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  6. ‘Experience’ is a comb, that life gives you … after your hair has fallen out.

    (Winston Churchill I think)

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  7. The ‘curate’s egg’ was actually completely bad but he didn’t have the courage to admit it…

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  8. OT
    From out it made me smile

    Nicola Sturgeon was touring Perthshire in the First Minister’s chauffeur driven car.
    Suddenly a cow jumped out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
    Nicola in her usual jaunty manner, says to the chauffeur, “You get out and check – you were driving.”
    The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
    “You were driving, go and tell the farmer,” says Nicola, ”I can’t afford to be blamed for anything.”
    The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face.
    “My goodness, what happened to you?” asks Nicola.
    The chauffeur replies : “When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of single malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me.”
    “What on earth did you say to them?” asks Nicola.
    “I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said, ‘I’m Nicola Sturgeon’s chauffeur and I’ve just killed the cow.’”

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  9. Growing old means wondering WTF your hair is dropping out of your bonce & growing out of your ears & nose.

    Growing old means watching the idiot box in the corner & saying, about three-quarters of the time, “that’s bollix.”

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  10. Growing old means finding it difficult to cope with news…..

    A guy texts his neighbour:
    “I’m sorry Keith. I’ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I’ve been helping myself to your wife when you’re not around. I know it’s no excuse, but I don’t get it at home. I can’t live with the guilt any longer. I hope you’ll accept my sincerest apology. It won’t happen again.”

    The neighbour, feeling angry and betrayed, grabs his gun, goes into the bedroom, and without saying a word shoots his wife.

    Moments later the neighbour receives a second text:

    “Damn, I hate this predictive text! That should be “wifi” … Sorry!”

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  11. Pingback: Growing Old | Doomstead Diner

  12. you are not old ……………if you can come up with stuff like this…..posters included’

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  13. A late dear friend of mine said, that when you grow old, you either become mellow, or rancid.

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  14. Pingback: Growing Old | Grandfather David

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