At the End of the Day

According to Ed Miliband on Twitter this afternoon, he is going to drag Britain into the 21st century by scraping at loopholes. If that doesn’t work, he’s going to look at the tealeaves, and if still no solution is forthcoming, he will apply phlogiston to the banking system.

Sadly, having been educated by the Comprehensive State system, this Oxbridge graduate either can’t spell ‘scrapping’ or has a sloppy team of proofreaders on his account. In this sense, he is no different at all to the team allegedly ‘briefing’ Cameron before the last election, whose work was beyond sloppy (and probably heading towards counter-productive) in its inability to nail perhaps the most accident-prone pillock ever to be in charge in these islands since King Harold.

How odd it is that, as the term ‘professional politician’ has gained traction, the people claiming to be shit-hot and shiny are third-rate amateurs.

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Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras did not ask for financial aid from Russia during talks in Moscow, Russia’s President Vladimir Putin has said. Instead they discussed Big Joint Projects. All projects look big and important after a couple of joints: early leaks suggest that they included using the Soyuz series of rocket capsules to put a Greek on the sun by 2017, and launching the Drachski as an alternative to the euro. Mr Putin asked at one point what the difference was between euro and myro, at which point the two men collapsed into a fit of giggles and ate two loaves of stale bread.

Later, a senior Greek aide said, “The talks were very constructive and hey man, that was like fuckin’ major-league shit”.

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In an outburst of truly amazing insight, senior British hospital doctors have concluded that James Bond “should really be dead” after things that have happened to him in recent films. If you ever worried in the past that your consultant might well be autistic, then wonder no more: from now on, it’s a certainty.

For the information of all those medics who’ve had a fiction belief-suspension bypass, I should perhaps point out that when Ian Fleming created the Bond character in 1951, his rank as a Naval Commander plus various hints in the novel suggest that he was already 30 at least. This would make him 94 today. But perhaps to seal this one, it might also be worth saying, “Guys….it’s only a movie”.

This codswallop made its way into the public domain courtesy of the Daily Torynaff, a self-styled serious newspaper. When the Channel Chubbies finally decide their organ needs to stop being upright and instead be flippant, then we may be nearer to the truth on any number of dimensions. So to speak.

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Jerelean Talley of Detroit Michigan is, at 115 years of age, now the oldest human being on the planet. Born in 1899, she puts her longevity down to things being in the hands of those above the sky. That……and a pint of Southern Comfort every day, seven husbands, regular bowel movements, even more regular helpings of blueberry pie with double cream, being inattentive to anything in the newspapers, and a pact made with Nosforatu in 1923.

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And finally, about a week ago, two and a half thousand Ukrainians surrounded the US embassy in Kiev and pelted it with cow dung. One senses this may not have been an entirely friendly gesture.

9 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. The US Govt is usually the worlds largest generator of B–S. Would appear that they are receiving the equivalent of a Dear John letter from the Ukrainian people in the form of a ‘RETURN TO SENDER’ , of a surplus of B–S.

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  2. Yesterday didn’t the UKIP/Tory/Neoconstipated Tony Blair® give Ed Milliband the kiss of death by supporting him?

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  3. It’s mirth-inducing that Tsipras doesn’t want to sell off state assets, yet brags about discussing with Putin the possibility of undertaking some joint projects that would entail giving state assets to Russia

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  4. With regard to putting a Greek on the Sun, in answer to the question “wont you be burnt to a crisp?” they answered that they were “going at night”

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  5. Tanglefoot Minibrain, the genius who brought us the Climate Change Act 2008.
    The chump thought he could change the climate by taxing Carbon Dioxide, CO2, which is the basis of life on this planet.
    Put simply, plants such as grass store the Sun’s energy through photosynthesis, grazing animals such as sheep & cows eat the plants, storing the sun’s energy more efficiently, which higher order mammals, such as humans profit from.
    CO2 is the staff of life.
    To tax it is an attack on life itself.
    Humans breathe out CO2, which plants inhale, giving out Oxygen, which humans breathe in.
    That’s a sweet deal.
    The man-made CO2 caused global warming scare scam, (which magically morphed seamlessly into the climate change scare scam because there’s been no statistically significant warming for 18 yrs 4 mths now) has been falsified because there has been ~ 10% increase in CO2 concentrations during that time.
    The whole thing has been a gigantic fraud, dare I say it, a conspiracy against the World’s population.

    Proof that our system of govt is not fit for purpose is that getting on for 500 of our muppet politicians voted for this plot, with only about 6 of those present abstaining or voting against.

    John Doran.

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