I love the term “bad bank”, don’t you? It puts me in mind of a brainless dog, to whom one must constantly say, “Down bank, down boy! Bad bank! Bad bank!”

If I ever do get a dog again (highly unlikely) I’m going to call her Bank. It will give me a sense of power I don’t really have over any bank anywhere. (The reason for saying ‘her’ by the way is that I really do not have the energy any more to deal with status-obsessed male dogs: it’s like owning the canine equivalent of Nicolas Sarkozy).

But we need other words to describe banks that lose tons of money by being egocentrically dumb. ‘Bad’ is dull and generalist.

How about Naughty Step Bank? Or Right, you’re Grounded Bank? Leveraged Multiples in three figures are You Nuts Bank. Seat in the Lords Guaranteed Drug laundering Bank.

The only flaw in steering things in this direction is that pretty soon, every bank is a bad bank.

OK, fine. I can live with that.

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Yes alright fine, I admit it….I now have a pony tail. After decades of being rude about pony tails, I have finally realised their advantages: when gardening in the wind, they do curtail the ever-present danger of death by hair suffocation. Also the money saved on combs is phenomenal.

I finished weeding the veg patch today. This was after I’d hung out the unspun washing (repairman verdict – blown circuit board) washed the kitchen floor, degreased the cooker, cleaned my wet room, vacuumed the bedroom, emptied the dishwasher, reloaded it, cut some grass, repaired a tractor-mower puncture, mown more grass, laid gravel in the place where Donald the Motor Home will live, conversed in Franco-Polish on the subject of motorised septic tanks, and shopped for next week’s food.

Life here is definitely not sex, drugs and rock-n-roll. It doesn’t even qualify for rock-n-roll. Wok-n-Pole is about as good as it gets.

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The Daily Torynaff’s “news” page offers “the latest breaking UK news, including politics, crime and celebrity.”

So it looks like they’re devoting an entire issue to Grant Shapps. Or Lord Mandelson. Or Boris Johnson. Or Ed Balls. Or Jeremy Hunt. Or Tony Blair.

This is a long overdue development. But sadly, whereas the Telegraph at one time offered insight, it now seeks only to incite. In this sense, it joins the Times, the Mail, the Express, the Guardian and the Financial Times.

The press pack is thus united. To what aim, we can only guess.

Earlier at The Slog: Tribal denialism leads inevitably to propaganda