walliamsgagptWalliams in hot water following latest Little Britain stunt

Good morning, Happy Thursday…leap from the bed bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for more updates on how the squeaky-clean Union of control freakery functions.

Yesterday was Independence day in Greece, and so the ECB chose to celebrate it by shortening the lead on banks there: they’ll now no longer be able to increase their holdings of Greek sovereign debt, and so the latest sums suggest Greece will have no money at all by April 20th.

Less time, and yet more lists to come up with – this time by next Monday: run about, work-work, take planes, busy-busy and…DONG! Oh dear, Mr Tsipras, I’m afraid you’ve run out of time.

Reuters was once more pumping up the drama by telling its grecophobic audience that the ECB’s exposure to Greek debt is €150bn and oh my, how shameless those greasy little idlers are in bankrupting the central bank with their spendthrift, tax-evading ways.

But as Reuters and every other finance site on the planet knows full well, you can’t bankrupt a central bank. The exposure could be €150 trillion, and it would simply go down as another asset ready to be called in at some future date, future nuclear conflicts notwithstanding. And let’s face it, after an atomic war, not many are left standing.

At last, Bloomberg sticks a toe out of the closet and fesses up to the myth of Grexit. However, desperate not to disappoint the bloodsuckers, Big B goes through a number of scenarios suggesting that yes, despite there being no way legally for it to happen, ways could be found to ensure Athens winds up in the closet: the water closet that is…on its way down to the sewers where, in Greece, not even lavatory paper dare venture, let alone the euro.

But the various Bloomberg potential outcomes contain small inaccuracies like ‘Bad blood leads to Greece’s departure from the European Union’. Well, yes…but that would take two years minimum without a treaty change. And ‘Greece separates from the euro area in a messy default’ which (as the authors already established) isn’t possible.

There are days when I wonder what Bloomberg’s hiring policy is, but rarely wonder about Spiegel: I know it is the world’s first robot-written magazine. Following on from yesterday’s Slogpost about white elephants in the Spanish hacienda, this latest effort from the two-way mirror is a classic:

spiegelspain2Yes, multiple fraudster and ClubMed front-stabber Mariano Comfort&Joy has pulled Spain back from the brink of something or other. This leaves him with only the rise of Podemos, Spain’s worthless property mountain and 239 empty banks to think about….along with just the three separatist movements within his borders.

Listen – that Rajoy Goy – now there vos a painter….one country, 239 banks and 87 airports, all in red – three years. Oiveh!

Coming soon at Bild Zeitung: new research proves Greeks sweatier, buy more string vests and use less deodorant than Ice-Maiden Angela Merkel.

The Sun Says: Dijesselbloeme is a Dutch tulip but that Varafuckis bloke couldn’t even take him on – and give it up Red Alexis, the war’s over mate.