This is David. For years he was groomed by a tax evader who sent him to be anally ravished at Eton. He has been held prisoner since 2010 by the wicked gang of NHS molesters and economic perverts who make up the Downing Street Ring.
THIS MAN GROOMED A UNION:
He is Hairgel Mirage, infamous banker (failed) and the most persistent abuser of little David. He has abused David on the premises of the BBC, Sky News, Channel Four and numerous public bars throughout the length and breadth of Britain. New research on his polling popularity shows that he is by far the most wanted abuser in the EU, having abused both Little Hermie Rumpole and Jackie Delors in public in the European Parliament…where his cover as head of the People’s Army gives him access to such vulnerable people.
David’s next door neighbour has gone one stage further down in depravity: not content with abusing young unemployed boys and pensioners – some as old as 93 (the pensioners, not the boys) he these days gets his rocks off abusing dead substances:
Georgie ‘Powderboy’ Airborne (right) is one of the few known necrosillyacts in existence. He has been pumping his upstanding QEness into the corpse that was once the UK economy for half a decade, but is yet to face any justice for this wicked deed. He is also wanted on numerous charges of conspiring to rape people with small money-substances, while pleasuring Big Swinging pink oboes with his eyes closed.
Clearly visible in this shot are the tears of happiness rolling down his cheeks as he recalls these orgasmic episodes.
DO YOU CARE ENOUGH TO FREE LITTLE DAVID FROM HIS IMPRISONMENT BY THESE FILTHY DEGENERATES?
I’m sure you do. If so, there is a simple way to bring the nightmare of David Cameron’s Downing Street ordeal to an end next May: vote SNP, Sinn Fein, Plaid Cymru, SDLP, Alliance Ulster, Ulster Unionist, Scottish Green, Animal Welfare, Libertarian, Marxist Librarian, Arthur Spartacist against Thatcher Cuts, Cutting Remarks about Robert Kilroy-Silk (2013) Party, Derwentside Independent or – in absolute extremis – Labour.
Government Health Warning: Voting Labour could result in a claymation puppet with his gumshield in upside-down becoming Prime Minister.