At the End of the Day

I wonder, does anyone know where pens go to die? Is it, I ask, the same burial ground to which spectacles, penknives, can openers, birth certificates, driving licences, thimbles, toothpicks, car keys, and notebooks migrate in order to expire with dignity?

Most of the above things turn up in the end, but others seem destined to remain unfound. This is true of my VF5. It is the registration certificate of the right-hand-drive English car I’ve just swapped for the left-hand version, given that I’m now a French resident paying taithes to Monsieur Hollande…and it continues to evade capture.SS, Gestapo, Stasi, CIA and KGB veterans have turned my house upside down, but no trace of it exists.

These are all, of course, the early symptoms of dementia. Ask me to name the Manchester United side that lost on aggregate 5-3 to Real Madrid in 1957, and in a trice I can name all eleven in positional order. Ask me why I’m standing in a room at any point in time today, and I wouldn’t know whether it was to turn on the central heating, or stir the curry.

Mind you, I do know where defunct hitech wires go to die. Mine live in the wires cabinet upstairs, an ironic tribute to a world the tecchies laughably call wireless. Open it, and five thousand miles of multicoloured spaghetti spill out onto the floor.

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In a statement of really quite mind-boggling self importance, British PM Avid Cameldung said this afternoon that the callous murder of Russian opposition politician Boris Nemtsov “must be fully, rapidly and transparently investigated, and those responsible brought to justice”.

There is little doubt in my mind that Nemtsov was rubbed out by Putin’s mates, but this kid of showboating by the Old Etonian makes me wonder if he has any idea what a completely pompous eunuch he seems making that sort of statement. I’d imagine Vlad’s cleaning lady has more influence over the Russian dictator than this puffed-up twerp…a man who couldn’t even get a PR job without using his mother-in-law’s powers as a Carlton TV shareholder.

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Taylor Swift,it seems, is the biggest pop star on the planet. She has cut her hair, she says, to show solidarity with feminism, because “It’s part of who I am”. Until I read a piece about her in the US press today, I’d never heard of Taylor Swift.

As it happens, I’ve grown my hair lately to show my profound disapproval of hairdressers who – we should never forget – irretrievably sapped the strength of Samson.

On the internet, you can get Google alerts telling you the latest news on any issue, country or person. What you can’t get is a service automatically screening out anything reported about or said by a brainless nonentity. I regard this as an obvious gap in Google’s armoury.

Earlier at The Slog: Why buying politicians means selling out the Constitution

27 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. Regarding the vagaries of memory, my ag-ed mother – who in her late 80s can still walk the legs off me – was greatly amused by a tale delivered by the vicar of her parish last year. It concerned a lady of even greater vintage than my mother who was engaged in conversation with her parish priest. He had suggested (somewhat indelicately it seemed to me) that at her advanced age perhaps she should be giving some thought to the ‘Hereafter’. She paused at this, and at length replied, “Oh but I do Father, I do. I’m forever walking into the kitchen and saying to meself, ‘Now what did I come in here after?”

    I’ll get me coat …


  2. Apols Sussexwino – don’t know why that ended up with you … perhaps we share a similar interest in falling-down juice :-)


  3. As regards Boris Nemtsov you may well be right, John, though I do wonder what benefit Putin will have obtained by rubbing out someone who at best was only a minor threat to the regime. It seems to me that it is the West’s politicians and media which is having a field day with this news and gaining most advantage of this tragedy. Surely there are still plenty of former KGB operatives around who know how to stage a “traffic accident”, or are they all working for the Americans these days?


  4. P.S. I thought when I first saw the juxtaposition of Yanis’ photograph with that of your good self that you were about to describe your new hairstyle. As a fellow hirsute – though of a somewhat older vintage – I was quite relieved.


  5. Well Mr “unto—-” you may well grow your hair long in sympathy with Samsonian Biblical edict . But the real strength of political tonsure lies in a fairly short and severe ” friar Tuck” or ” pudding bowl” style not dissimilar to that which I have sported now for many a year . And that a unified Germany has grown to its present day position of untramelled power within the ” fearo”zone purely guided by my severe tonsorial style redolent as it is of the no nonsense no humour no sex attitude of all patriotic Swabian hausfrau.
    To further enhance my power in this direction I shall commence the wearing of sackcloth and ashes for the remaining period of Lent.. I will give Wolfie a dispensation from from this regime as his face is already overly ashen at the best of times and his suits look as though they are already made of sackcloth…


  6. We have not yet developed a V62. Admittedly we have improved on the V2 weaponry available during the blitzkrieg but our configurations of rocket propelled ordnance have only reached V53 at present . While this is capable of a pinpoint strike on The Sea of Tranquility if needs be we do not see the need for further expenditure to improve its performance until such time as our Chinese friends threaten to catch us up …..


  7. I have solved how at least part of all this stuff works. Teaspoons and coathangers. Here’s how to verify the process. Enter any flat, house, whatever. Put one wire coathanger in a wardrobe. Put 6 teaspoons in the kitchen drawer. Do something, anything. Look in the drawer – one teaspoon! Look in the wardrobe – Where did those coathangers come from? It’s fairly obvious what’s going on


  8. Regarding the death of Boris Nemtsov, we must ask ourselves Cui Bono. Certainly ,it is not Russia or Putin who gain from this murder.
    I am again struck by the orchestrated accusatory tone of the Western media, same as the Charlie Hebdo, and MH17 farces of factuality.
    We are again being played for mugs ,by the ‘dark forces’ behind the Western puppet Governments.
    We live in a smoke and mirrors media world., everything from the main stream media must be questioned. They trifle with our perceptions and induce a non-existent reality.


  9. The death of Boris Nemtsov if happened in Washington DC would be reported by gov’t coroner
    as 4 self-inflected shots to the back… an obvious suicide!


  10. angelteuton your being angloized,your actually gaining a sense of humour,am sure you have meant to be funny many times but now you are actually being funny,keep it up


  11. Not to get too picky about it, but it’s now called a V5C – the V5 expired some time ago. I’ll get my anorak on the way out.


  12. Read this article on the assasination – nice one Gorby.

    Makes you wonder how manipulated the world is when you then read this
    (Note nobody is destroying the dammed stuff).

    Cat out of the bag economically speaking because all that liquidity being created is to make up for the shortfall in the global economic system that those who rule us created because it is so financially wonderful for them. No alternative is permitted and any sign must be nipped in the bud real quick before like a cancer / cleansing it spreads.


  13. My exact thoughts in words.S-Lad
    I hope Kerry doesn’t get some air time,he comes over as the most Unconvincing liar I have seen.


  14. Douglas Adams though that biros, because of their shape, were able to slip through the small tears in the space-time continuum. They then made their way to the planet Biro where they had a really good time.


  15. Pingback: John Ward – Mothers Of The World Unite, You Have Nothing To Lose But Your Turbines – 2 March 2015 | Lucas 2012 Infos

  16. In the short time that “Nemtsov’s” bare torso was exposed before it was covered up, there were none of the alleged 4/5 bullet holes visible in the photo and a complete absence of blood, same deficiency can be observed in the recent “shooting” of the Paris policeman, and the unfortunate drummer E.Rigby in London. (Eleanor Rigby ring any bells in your subconscious?)


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