At the End of the Day

The tragedy of political dementia

More than £300m is to be spent by the UK government on research into dementia, Prime Minister David Cameron said today. Aides later dismissed the fact that the PM said he couldn’t remember why this was happening as “David’s ever-present and effervescent sense of irony”.

But world opinion is split as to whether we should so much as give a shit about old people and their ridiculous ageist fantasies about YMCAs (Young Macho Chauvinist Assholes) giving them a hard time. “I used to remember what it was I disliked about YMCAs,” commented 94-year-old Ronald Rockjaw, “but now it’s all sort of gone away, or was it a gay day, I really don’t recall”. However, YMCA ginger group founder Tarquin Twerp said it was “time for old people to give way to all the fantastic new process we bright young things follow, and accept that their history is a thing of our past”.

As if to prove Tarquin’s point, the Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe’s 91st birthday celebrations were a truly ghastly demonstration of nouveau riche Communism said The Guardian today, and this ‘showed the world just how little he cares about his People’. Mind you, it also shows just how serious the dementia of Guardian journalists is, in that they clearly cannot remember those days in the late 1960s when they presented BobMugab’s plan for Rhodesia’s rebirth as the antidote to Ian Smith’s horrifically lamentable racism.

Meanwhile, the cost of being a pensioner in the UK has risen by £800 in the last year, worrying new figures reveal. I can well believe this. Semi-pro old bloke Archie Typpe told Channel 4 News tonight, “The price of being the subject of BBC2 documentaries is going up and up,” he averred, “Just finding genuine mufflers, flat hats, pigeons, allotments and untipped ciggies is crippling and time consuming”.

But fear not Archie, for your Friend in Tough Times The Labour Party is on the case. Yes, Party leader Ed Miliband is expected to announce next week his plans to slash tuition fees in England from £9,000 to £6,000 a year if Labour gains power at the next General Election. However, there’s a minor glitch here, in that Shadow Chancellor Teddy Testicles is considering cutting some of the tax breaks handed to those saving for a pension to provide cash for the tuition cuts.

Cut a tax break/ For a tuition cut/ Then you can make/ Every number add up

Yet for each cut for that’s made/ there is always a but/ and this uppercut/ renders Britain kaput

Earlier at The Slog: Why the EU is all trussed up

21 thoughts on “At the End of the Day

  1. When I first saw the £300m figure I thought, “Hold on there just a minute; Isn’t the sum of combined NHS authority deficit this year around the figure of £308 million?”
    That’s the Rainman talking.
    April anyone?


  2. I was in Rhodesia late ’69, Ken Flower and Bill Bailey were mates, and Mugabe and Khomo where bad guys, Smith was a hero and the caprivi strip was a heaven for Kaff**rs. You gotta realise that controlling illiterate would bes requires guts, guts to wipe out your fellow man, its not rocket science, if you create democracy you get wimps, people like you get empowered to say and do what you thinks is right. Thankfully paying you a pension shuts you up..and you dont have a world scare resource to bargain with…Nope Mugabe is doing us all a favour, keeping the entire copper belt under producing always the west to develop its own mining resources and enhance pensions like yours.


  3. I just happened to be reading some Chris Hitchens quotations….on David Cameron…..”He seems content free to me. Never had a job except in PR, and it shows. People ask what do you think of him? My answer is: he doesn’t make me think.”


  4. My take is that with a better education system for the majority population, a lot of the attractiveness of extremist leaders would have been dispelled. But then, most folk who owned farms feared the people they engaged to work them – and so treated them with less respect than a human deserves.

    This was as true in the North as it was in the South.

    As for Mugabe and the copperbelt – Zim produces a tiny amount of copper but does have coal deposits around Wankie [Note to editor: that is a town, not a verb].


  5. Political dementia seems to be as contagious as ebola: “John Prescott is returning to front-line politics as an unpaid adviser to Ed Miliband with responsibility for climate change.” (BBC “news”)…..


  6. Do not understsnd Queen s English at best of times but Gott im Himmel I really cannot understand what you are talking about … please translate into Schwyzerdeutsch which may help…….


  7. Sorry this was meant for Tony Holland not Gemma. Alzheimers taking over. . Who is This man called Varoufakis ? Have I ever met him ? Has he ever telephoned me ? Where or what is Athens ?


  8. Frau Merkel würde in Hamburg geboren, aber seine Vater siedelte nach Brandenburg; möglicherweise sie den schweizerdeutscher Dialekt nicht gut verstehen kan.


  9. Unfortunately, I can no longer find Wankie on the map. It’s name has been Afrikanised. We used to love the name in schoolboy geography!


  10. So, earlier I had said that the combined NHS authority deficit amounted to £308 million. This is over £300 mill, isn’t that so David?

    NHS foundation trusts are £321m in deficit, according to the health regulator Monitor. This is over £300 mill, isn’t that so David?

    I’m writing this one down in the book, that “dementia funding” is, in fact code to all alert NHS foundation accounting types, for you know, “Here it comes, get ready, don’t worry, we’ll forget about it, eh, what?” and it’s gone.
    The NHS deficit election hurdle. Now you see it, now you don’t.
    The BBC story (21st Feb 2015) was a dead give away.


  11. OAH – indeed it has! Hwangwe now. I did wonder, what with the Chinese buying up everything around there, whether it would have had a Chinese name!

    But what a tragedy for you poor schoolboys… and us oldies with fading memories of enamel station signs.


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