blowbridgeBoth sides in the Greece/EC dispute have been trying very hard these last 48 hours to build the sort of bridges that can save our beloved euro for the euro-loving European people united in their support for the eternal euro.

As Jens Weidmann gave interviews expressing his implacable support for not giving the Greeks any more money until they agree to visit Correction Camps, the new Greek Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras showed his euro-credentials by reversing the privatisation programme, approving more money for hospitals, raising the State Pension, dissenting from the EU’s condemnation of Russia, and stating, “Austerity is over so up your fat arse Geli”.

In a bid to calm the atmosphere, Herr Weidmann declared that all Greeks would immediately have a change of clothing: people in Kalamata would change clothes with Athenians, and everyone in Kyprisia would change clothes with the residents of Thessalonika. He called the gesture “Fractional reserve banking with a human face”.

Similarly, Mr Tsipras went out of his way to offer his skills as a mediator between the great Viktor Orban may he live forever, and the Criminal Running hyenas of the American-run European Commission may they all be forced to read van Rompuy’s execrable poetry in Hell.

Tonight’s schedule of bridge-building events:

Opening of a new musical in Stuttgart, Wir fahren gegen Griechenland, sponsored by Bild and featuring Wolfie Schäuble in a cameo role as The Spoke.

On Spetses, free training event for Taverna owners, How to ignore the German customer.

Religious reading at the Siegesäule in Berlin by Frau Doktor Melanie Gherkin, entitled Scorched Earth and its role in the civilisation of Untermenschen.

In Heraklion, special Forgive & Forget fest, featuring the public taunting and flagellation of German tourists, followed by barbecued tenderised German tourists later.

This piece has been rigorously tested to evoke maximum offence, and is dedicated to the memory of the 12 Charlie staffers who died so that Francois Hollande could have a clampdown