Word is coming in to confirm that the most loved dog breed in Britain is no longer the Dalmation, but the Dumbnation. Various sub-sectors of this dog have been bred, and I now present the main ones for you here.
This is dumbnation frownorama. Tends to hang around on blog comment threads barking loudly, but when asked to bite, wanders off to sniff the nearest bottom.
Here we see Dumbnation Rentboytheyknowbetter. Occasionally employed as trolls to come onto radical sites and say how underrated Government is and what a fine job it’s doing, and when Greece emerges as powerhouse of Europe boy what a jerk you are going to look.
And so on to Dumbnation AlienskilledKennedy. Approaches all food offered by humans with extreme caution, being convinced that he and only he knows the real story behind the death of Queen Victoria. Good guard dog in that everyone who approaches family home must be Jack the Ripper’s reincarnation.
This lulu is Dumbnation UKip Faragista. The staring, undiscriminating eyes are the giveaway, for this breed is the only one able to accept the premise that a pub boor who delights in grubby political donations must therefore by definition be the man to lead his people from Etonian bondage and into the land of New Clean lowfat Milk & Harmless Honey politics.
And finally, we meet Dumbnation Intit brirrant. The best known of the Dumbnation breed, this utterly loyal and comprehensively daft dog is one of the few remaining breeds capable of accepting the idea that £20bn of welfare cuts can cure a borrowing addiction of £100bn, and somehow survive £40bn of pointless expenditure on a rail link nobody wants. Whatever any government does, this hound grins, smiles, lick his lips and approves of anything as long as his Chappies TV Dinner for one arrives on time day in day out. He remains uncertain as to whether he should vote Socialist Workers’ Party or BNP.
Earlier at The Slog: Getting a breast on your plate at Claridges
The Slog 