Today’s guest economics guru Addledstare Thief explains how increasingly strong global linkage is finally curing the world of social democratic siege economics.
You probably haven’t noticed this, given your collective euphoria at rising wages and maxed out credit cards just before Christmas, but on this – Black Friday – I see at last the Green Eyes of my little Levitt Idol weeping tears of vindicated joy. For Theo – who would have been 107 and one fifth today – is surely seeing his globally cooperative village coming to fruition.
Take, for example, Brazil’s JBS SA , the world’s largest beef exporter. Today it announces its $1.25 billion purchase of Australian processed foods producer Primo Smallgoods. Hailing the cash-for-furniture deal, Australian PM Tony Abric said it would “allow we Aussies to focus more on our core expadeeze of diggan staff oudathugrind”. This is good news all round, because now that China is cleverly regrouping for its next stage of meteoric growth, Abric can push the Minecos to diversify their mineral offering, and encourage this forward-looking industry to dig up the rest of Australia, which has hitherto seen a shameful acceptance of wasted resources in favour of one silly red rock and a few wandering Abos.
We further see the economic balance working in perfect harmony with shareholder returns in that China’s slowdown has resulted in 95% of investors in China returning their shares. But the slowing of China’s advance has in turn reduced demand for oil, thus cutting the price of petrol for hard working ordinary families – even in Japan, where the hard-pressed consumer needs some relief. That has equally brought benefits for the globally-based asset purchasing genius Okikoky Saionara, in that Japan’s annual core consumer inflation slowed for a third straight month in October despite Saionara san’s bold attempt to purchase all the shares returned by panicky investors in China.
Even troubled Russia – still paying the price of its ill-judged campaign of shooting down rare swans and burning Ukrainian babies – has pitched in with its own clever attempt to keep a sensible relationship between one commodity and another: it is now, East European sources inform me, trading its oil at knockdown prices in return for gold. This is expected to increase the gold price and thus foil the ISIS-engineered attempt to behead the price of oil cut gold off at the knees.
In the face of such quixotic barbarism, it is hard to maintain the right balance to economies and commodities without some form of coordination. Today for example we read that Goldman Sachs, BASF Germany and two other major dealers appear to have been fixing the price of high-value metals. Sadly, the last bastions of that dying breed the Kennedy Communist is suing all of them in what I can only describe as a most regrettable and destructive move by those who see their socialist ideas lying in tatters, disarray, ashes, ribbons and very pretty bows with little stars glittering with the light of fool’s gold.
And talking of Christmas Euphoria, the EU is today going to lay it on the line, telling France, Italy and Belgium that their 2015 budgets risk breaking EU rules. However, because their oil and gas costs may yet reduce the marginal €18Zillion deficit, Herr Manolo Claude van Winklepuy said he would be “holding fire until next March”.
It’s good to see the EU finally adopting the sound economics of Friedman in line with Germany’s successful ClubMed Cash-Cleansing policy, and in recognition of the leniency shown by Brussels (which oddly enough is in Belgium well I never), France is planning to send an armoured military unit to Poland for exercises designed to strengthen the NATO alliance’s eastern flank, in order to demonstrate a stiffened spine in the face of pro-Russian badger-gassing and worm-beheading in Ukraine.
France’s move here demonstrates once again its wisdom in taking the long view – that an evil alliance between Russia and China must inevitably lead to war. Let us not forget war’s unequalled track-record in reducing QE costs and stimulating production while culling those plebs whom Mr Murdoch’s employees quite rightly see as oxygen-abusers. We must bow to Newscorp’s expertise in this area, it having been the leading catalyst in fashioning obedient plebs from non-violent extremists in the first place.
It is a Golden Dawn, a new beginning, a fresh start and an erect Siegessäule. We are emerging from the Dark Night of parochial hoarding: today is Black Friday…we’re all in this together, so let’s get spending!
Addledstare Thief has a degree in Muppenomics from the University of Milton Keynes