leonSpeaking to reporters this morning, Mr Boris Jobsdone, MP for Fluxbridge (in waiting) said he felt that it was high time Leon Brittan returned to Government, as his experience on European issues was “sorely missed”.

“I think we should remember,” he said, “that Leon was the victim of a cruel sting orchestrated by a few rogue policemen poking about in his affairs. However, that was thirty years ago, and let’s face it the only flaw in his explanations about parties in Barnes and a few harmless snaps in diplomatic bags is that yes, he was guilty, but only technically. The time has come to let bygones be bygones.”

Asked about Mr Brittan’s “European experience”, Mayor Jobsdone added, “Apart from Peter Bottomley, Leon’s knowledge of European cities like Amsterdam and Budapest is unparalleled. This is why Nick Clegg recommended him to David Cameron in 2010. And lest we forget, he was one of our most effective Home Secretaries, managing to nip all this leftwing poppycock about Elm houses in the bud.”

On the subject of zero output from an eighteen-month enquiry into how Richmond Council trafficked children in Care to Elm House, Mr Jobsdone declared, “Well this is precisely what I’m getting at. There’s obviously no truth in any of it, and that’s why the enquiry has found nothing, and never will if I’ve got anything to do with it.”

And with that, Signor Borisconi exited the Conference to shouts of “Good old Boris”, “Give ’em Hell Bojo” and “You are the father of my child you bastard”.

Yesterday at The Slog: Enough DLT already….what about Elm House?