BORISCONI THE BARBARIAN: AFTER BOB DIAMOND GETS ON HIS BIKE, BARCLAYS GETS OFF BOJO BIKES

mendaciumstripDiamonds not always forever shocker

borisqueentitleMAYOR IN DESPERATE BID FOR NEW BIKES

Forensic media experts across Mendacium have been searching in vain for signs of truth in anything Mayor Blondio Borisconi has uttered about Barclaybikes since the day it wobbled into action oh must be bloody years ago now. Yesterday’s news that Bob’s bikes are going the same way as Tim’s Taxis had Mayor Borisconi’s enemies declaring that he is now effectively Blondio Billy Nomates, with the exception of Rupert Murdoch, Rebekah Brooks, the Barclay Brothers, Hammersmith & Fulham Council, and a lot of very rich property developers at Capco.

Mendacium’s Mayor had vowed to run Diamond Wheezers (2010) Ltd at no cost to the taxpayer, but his own figures from 2012 show that he mispoke and really meant they’d have to pay 50%.

He said the Barclays deal would run until 2020, but in fact he was 50% out on that one too..

He said Barclays would cough up £50m, but bless me he was 50% out there as well.

But Borisconi surpassed himself when talking about Robert ‘Legs’ Diamond as an upstanding sponsor for Transport for Mendacium, a judgement in which he was 100% awry. Mr Diamond went on to start an African bank dealing in body-part futures and mercenary derivatives, following several successful attempts to manipulate the Libor rate.

“Well you know how it is,” said an upbeat Blondio last night, “It’s all a little uncertain, but in point of fact, Barclays hasn’t pulled the plug as such. We’re seriously rethinking the bicycle sponsorship portfolio structure, and they’re going to fundamentally rethink their sponsorship spectrum.” Asked why Mendacium was seriously rethinking the bicycle sponsorship portfolio structure, the Mayor commented, “Um, because Barclays took the bikes away”.

In the early hours of this morning, a Barclays spokesperson said if there was one thing he knew all about it was spokes, but also “Diamond was a crooked little sh*t and so we’re distancing ourselves from him and all his grubby cronies”.

The case continues.

From the Archives: Barclays, Boris, Bob & Bikes – the full story

11 thoughts on “BORISCONI THE BARBARIAN: AFTER BOB DIAMOND GETS ON HIS BIKE, BARCLAYS GETS OFF BOJO BIKES

  1. Whenever any of these Sponsorship deals come to an end, I often wonder about the cost of repainting all the bikes and changing all the payment machines, brochures and websites. I would love to be convinced that all these costs will be borne by any new incoming sponsor, but have a hunch that TfL, or to be more precise, those poor citizens who contribute taxes to TfL, will ultimately pick up the tab. This is, of course money that could be far better spent on lower fares, better services (or even cycle lanes that don’t stop at busy road junctions)

    I suggest that in these hard times, and if Barclays no longer wish to be identified with the carnage that is London’s Cycle routes, why not simply make up some stencils with the word NOT on them? Spray it above Barclays on every bike and ‘Hey presto’…we all know that ‘NOT Barclays’ are no longer sponsoring the bikes! A much cheaper and quicker solution. Think about it…this could work on changes in Train Franchises too…repainting whole trains must seriously waste a bob or two !

    Assuming that it has not gone bust in the meantime, I suggest that Santander would be a good sponsor to take over and rebrand the Boris bikes…..like the tunics of the British Redcoats of old….a good colour to paint ‘em, so you don’t see the blood !

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  2. Pingback: John Ward – Borisconi The Barbarian: After Bob Diamond Gets On His Bike, Barclays Gets Off Bojo Bikes – 11 December 2013 | Lucas 2012 Infos

  3. Pingback: NIHILISM INCORPORATED IS TAKING OVER THE WORLD… | The Slog.

  4. If only a reputable service provider – Serco for instance, with its proven track record for sound management, value for clients and excellent workforce relationships – had been chosen to run this scheme, things could have been entirely different.

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  5. The wonder with these bikes is the fact that they are still around at all, one look at some of the female japanese tourists wobbling around marble arch with legs hardly long enough to reach the pedals on these huge ungainly machines in a kind of Kamikazi death wish, weaving in and out of bus lanes makes one wonder why any reputable business would want anything to do with them.

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  6. Here’s what Boris had to say on the matter about eighteen months ago:

    “Someone the other day suggested that it might be embarrassing to have Barclays pay £50 million to help fund cycling in London. Listen, buster, I said, if they give us another £50 million I will change my name to Barclays Johnson.”

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/borisjohnson/9385743/Stop-bashing-the-bankers-we-have-no-future-without-them.html

    How things change.

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  7. Pingback: BORISCONI THE BARBARIAN: Slave labour in City Hall | The Slog.

  8. Pingback: John Ward – Borisconi The Barbarian: Slave Labour In City Hall – 14 December 2013 | Lucas 2012 Infos

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