Although the temperature is still over thirty degrees down here in beautiful bankrupt south-eastern Europe, that time of year is getting closer in the UK when lucky senior citizens sit patiently by the doormat each morning waiting for the Winter Fuel Allowance to come in. It goes without saying that over 70% of us don’t spend it on winter fuel, or freezing cold Spring fuel – or even lighter fuel because smoking is naughty – but rather on those small luxuries that have recently been denied to us thanks to the spectacularly successful policy of offering 0% on bank deposits.
The trouble in Britain is that we make so few things ourselves any more, buying pretty much everything including fuel simply ups the national deficit. If you spend the money in a major multiple supermarket, the money will go to China , Sri Lanka, ClubMed or South America. If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs. If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan, China, Korea or the US. If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras, Spain and Guatemala. If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea. If you purchase uselessly pointless stuff it will go to Taiwan. And even if you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses, which the lucky recipients will then hide offshore.
So true patriots like moi are left with the tricky conundrum of trying to spend some of our own tax money being given back to us that 70% of us don’t really need on something that will make Blighty’s financial position less onerous for future taxpayers who probably won’t get a Winter Fuel Allowance in the future anyway. I’ve been giving this a lot of thought, and these are my tentative conclusions.
One business sector clearly booming at the moment is the massage parlour aka whorehouse space. Most of the girls are Romanian or Ukrainian, but as they send British things home that you can’t buy there, this is a form of exporting, however informal it may seem. Also the girls usually pay some lowlife to get in here illegally in the first place, so the import cost is negatively configured, as they say in the Federal Reserve.
Getting drunk is as good a use of one’s money these days as any other, and as we still grow hops in Kent, apples in Devon, and distill malt in Scotland, this too can be an activity likely to bring a smile to the Chancellor’s visage. As George Osborne’s boatrace is usually somewhere between a sneer and a smirk, I think most of us would find the improvement well worth while.
Most of us are pretty depressed about how crap life is in Britain, but cheer up because now’s your chance to go online and buy antidepressants illegally that were made and developed in Britain by the likes of GlaxoSmithkline and AstraZeneca. Of course, the internet black market versions were also exported illegally in the first place, so you’re really only repatriating what’s legally ours – as well as saving the NHS money.
And finally, instead of buying imported fuel that had to be imported because Defra doesn’t know how to hold thermometers the right way up or read weather forecasts, why not make your heating system more efficient with a new British-made boiler? We’re still a world leader in those; and as long as you can find a retrained media studies graduate to fit one for you, all should be well.
So then: get laid, get pissed, take more pills, and ensure you’ll always be warm in summer. Is this not a quintessentially British approach? Of course it is: don’t change a winning formula. You know it makes sense.
Earlier at The Slog: Official – the EU isn’t just morally bankrupt
It sounds like the problem is either the thermocouple or the pilot solenoid on the gas valve. The pilot flame envelops the thermocouple which produces a very small electrical current (a few microamps), sufficient to energise the pilot solenoid – without which the main solenoid will not open; this is a flame supervision/safety device to prevent gas being released to the burners when there is no pilot flame to ignite it. The click you are hearing is the pilot solenoid closing, either because it is no longer being energised (faulty thermocouple or no/insufficient pilot flame) or because the solenoid itself is faulty. So, if the thermocouple is serviceable and its tip is being correctly enveloped by the pilot flame, the solenoid will only let go if it is faulty itself. Wfd, it’s an old open flued appliance which should really be inspected and serviced by a ‘member of a class of persons’ i.e. someone who is Gas Safe registered. If you need more advice email me at kssmk2@btinternet.com
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glow worm space saver 52 open flue boiler.
Pilot light goes out after the unit the gas switch is on (0ff, pilot…on) clicks(thermal cutout maybe).
The unit that has the main gas going in then out to main boiler flame and also thelesser ppipe for the pilot gas and has the dial for off..pilot….,is the problem, after it clicks the pilot goes out and it shuts down but the water flow keeps going, I think. the unit feels quit hot also!
If the unit has clicked again then I just re do the pilot light and it stays on, if no click then pilot won’t stay alight when I release the dial after 20 seconds or so.
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Wfd: See below..
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Wfd: Need more info – make/model? Is it pilot flame outage, or is the main solenoid failing to respond and allow gas to the burners? If it’s a Honeywell grey button valve, they’re still available.
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@ Hieronimusb
Our boiler is 40+ years old and the gas controller keeps cutting out (thermal) can it be repaired at that age?
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Good points, good luck!
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“….why not make your heating system more efficient with a new British-made boiler?”
Because you’ll never get your money back.
Unless the building is very energy efficient a new boiler will make little difference to your fuel bills. Even then, any energy savings would derive from the “fabric first” thermal efficiency of the building envelope rather than the boiler itself.
Example: according to some ‘energy efficiency’ site I would save £30 a year by up-grading from a ‘B’ rated to an ‘A’ rated boiler, spending something in the order of £2,500 in the process. And condensing boilers? Phah….they go wrong after a couple of years, often can’t be diagnosed/fixed without specialist equipment or even not at all and drip acid (from the condensate) into our drains. Friends in London had to pay £2,500 for a new boiler to replace their ‘old’ one (less than 5 years old) for this very reason—and that was after someone had charged them a whole days labour (at £50+/per) to conclude that he couldn’t find out what was wrong. (it almost certainly would have been some tiny cheap component, probably electrical)
I’ve just replaced my 40 year old Trianco oil boiler (which I haven’t touched in over 10 years—no service, nothing) as we’ve doubled the size of the house. I bought a 10 year old Grant MultiPass 90/110 for £104 off ebay. Its not a condensing boiler. Taking Charlie Mullen’s (of Pimlico Plumbing fame) advice I wouldn’t touch one with a barge pole. Interestingly, the highly regarded Grant MultiPass boilers achieve 80% efficiency (the threshold, I believe, for a ‘B’ rating) but they are not allowed to use the ‘B’ rating because it’s not a condensing boiler! What sort of bollocks is that?
This whole government promoted boiler scrappage/replacement scheme is a giant con for the average householder, designed to allow the government to claim progress on reducing carbon emissions. For the average householder it is a gross malinvestment which probably cannot ever make a return in its own right, let alone once you factor in the opportunity cost of losing the potential investment returns of the £2,500/£3,000 you’ll have paid for the new unit.
The only way you’ll get any significant reduction in heating energy consumption is to prevent waste/losses in the first place. That’s why, as part of my re-furb’/extension I’ve spent £25k on seriously effective external wall insulation to take U Values down to less than half (lower is better) that currently required for new build under the Building Reg’s. On paper, at least, this should see my winter month’s oil bill go down from an eye watering circa £600 to a more reasonable £100 or so. I hope.
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Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
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Reminds me of the exorbitant reward I offered to change our lavatory, but couldn’t get any takers, so did it myself……
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If you are going to work effectively on an old(ish) British boiler, you will need 2 sets of spanners, sockets, nut spinners, etc.
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Hiero, you will be pleased to know that the rest of Europe (and much of Africa too) still uses BSP threading for all its compression connections. I’m sure that this must bring Britain some revenue in the form of royalties?
Interestingly, the German railways used Whitworth threads right up to 1944 … and naturally all steam compression joints were BSP.
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Not all bad news. For those who mention boilers, a website called ‘Trusty Tradesman’ is a site to find a good tradesmen,
Also I am reminded to share this great news. I suggest everything buys shares in this company. They are going to rise further.
PLETHORA SOLUTIONS HOLDINGS PLC (PLE.LN) Friday announced that it has received a positive opinion from the European Medicines Agency’s Committee for Medicinal Products for Human Use, or CHMP, recommending European Commission approval for PSD502, the company’s spray for the treatment of premature ejaculation.
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I forgot to mention….
there must be something in the British water – because my Gunther tells me that his libido is always very high during and after our vist – or maybe it’s something in the sausages. I always pack my latest lingerie from the ‘Victoria’s Secret’ mail order catalogue to suprise him.
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When I visit the UK every few months to visit friends and family , I am always charmed by the country, and seem only to see the good things. I am so used to the Germanic sterility in the european mainland across the water that it is a refreshing excursion that I always look forward to. I have a British boiler too – by choice – made in Yorkshire – Ideal Isar……excellent workhorse and easy to maintain, with spare parts off the shelf if required.
My husband Gunther likes the english sausages. I like to go to the races and eat fish and chips in the foggy night afterwards after some drinks in the old coaching house. Not to mention the full english breakfasts and the gorgeous countryside vistas.
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Interestingly, even modern SEDBUK A rated high efficiency condensing combination boilers are less efficient than their heat only relations with a properly insulated store of hot water. You have to throw an awful lot of heat at any instantaneous water heater but, like many other things, they suit our modern consumerist, instantaneous lifestyle and its demand for more, inevitably smaller, dwellings in the face of population growth. Your 2004 model would have probably been a non condensing appliance – Prescott’s new Building Regulations only applied from April 2005 – and it is accurate to say that Wocester and Vaillant have always produced the most reliable combis (Potterton Lynx, anyone?). Now I’m even yawning myself!
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off topic but of interest to anti -fracking clients.
http://www.rigzone.com/news/article.asp?a_id=129261&utm_source=WeeklyNewsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_term=2013-09-27&utm_content=read&utm_campaign=feature_4
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Totally agree on Worcester Bosch combi boilers. Had one installed in 2004, never maintained it once and was still working fine when I sold property in 2012. A good recommendation indeed.
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On the subject of boilers (not the kind you might ‘come across’ in a massage parlour..): I will repair anything, but only install Worcester Bosch (no, I’m not being paid) which, although originally British, is now a part of Bosch Thermotechnology Ltd, or Vaillant; both are, of course, essentially German. Please pronounce that word with a hard G, it’s much more fun and doesn’t really hurt anyone. The sad truth is that, along with many others, we have allowed this segment of our manufacturing industry to ebb away – at least as far as ownership is concerned. I used to be a great fan of Potterton before the fiat based global bourse extravaganza unleashed a mania for ‘acquisition’ on us which has forced the lowest common denominator to the top of the agenda at the expense of worthwhile employment; now I won’t touch them with a barge pole. The ‘energy heist’, which has been discussed at some length on this blog, has been a great selling opportunity for the domestic heating market in UK and elsewhere, but all too often the appliances which have resulted are so stuffed with unreliable electronics that, when you look at the big picture, one is forced to wonder who the real beneficiaries are. I suppose that engineers like myself have profited from repairing these appliances but, personally speaking, it goes against the grain to install something that you know is intrinsically incapable of being durable in the way that older, simpler appliances were. Yes, fuel economy has improved, although not as much as you might think, and safety also, less open flued appliances etc, but as I wander on my merry way, bringing joy to the thermally challenged, I feel that there is far too much froth and not enough substance. I could go on, and I very probably have..
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One of the most powerful live performances I’ve ever seen.
And it’s William Shatner.
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A little reading suggests more. 5 day bank holiday for software upgrades with no prior warning to account holders? GTFO
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Looks like Silver Doctors have jumped the gun on this, apparently it only concerns one small bank in Panama. Shows how jumpy everyone is though….
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Anyone else seen this, not sure how significant it is?http://www.silverdoctors.com/breaking-panama-announces-5-day-bank-holiday-bail-in-imminent/#comments
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I confess that I am, amongst other things, ‘a member of a class of persons’ as defined by the Gas Safety (Installation & Use) Regulations 1998, but please don’t tell anyone..
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Greece: when neoliberal dictatorship threatens with a military dictatorship!
http://failedevolution.wordpress.com/2013/09/27/greece-when-neoliberal-dictatorship-threatens-with-a-military-dictatorship/
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“So then: get laid, get pissed, take more pills, and ensure you’ll always be warm in summer.”
At last, a positive way forward.
As for the retrained media studies graduate, the bugger is not getting near my boiler. There is a reason all he could do was Media Studies, and it wasn’t native ability…
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Nice one, sip that scotch slowly ( on second thought gulp it ) and enjoy
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Just fantastic ! Having spent 1 year in Scotland, I can relate to the heating part immensely (though I never tried prostitudes, who must have been locals at that time anyway).
Keep on the good work and let’s stay pissed !
A la tienne Etienne !
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Hiero, are you registered to fit gas, then? The chat this morning in the builder’s merchants (think wheelbarrow) was that it’s very expensive now …
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Don’t forget, now when you unfortunately become unemployed, you will have to become a slave, sorry I mean’t work for nothing more than enough to exist on, can you spot the difference.
One thing about it is that now you don’t have to pay ‘YOUR’ National Insurance, because you are no longer insured , (as for as your income goes), and when they privatise the NHS (No Health Service), you won’t owe a thing. The Income Tax (a War tax)is a temporay tax is on an auto renewal every 6th April, (just like your Mobile phone contract)
THEY ARE STEALING FROM YOU
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Excellent, I’ll recommend you when I’ve got too much on! My record is 5th man in, including British Gas, you just can’t get the staff you know…
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Living our life as the common people, as Jarvis used to sing. Ironic how it was a Greek heiress who wanted to live as such in Pulp’s vision of misery.
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Just had to fix the boiler myself this week after 42 local tradesmen couldn’t do the job for £100. The only quote I had was for £255. I did it for £34 and ten minutes of panic. Now opening the Scotch. Cheers.
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